


Break Me, Shake Me, Hate Me, Take Me Over

by ImanAngel_YouAss



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha Jensen, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Jared, Past Abuse, Protective Jensen, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 11:43:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 70,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12747636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImanAngel_YouAss/pseuds/ImanAngel_YouAss
Summary: When recklessness, alcohol and a bullet to his hip sees his police career end in disgrace, alpha Jensen Ackles resigns himself to a life spent in the dregs of a bottle, aimless and filled with regrets, watching as the bills and eviction notices pile up.That is, until he's offered a job and lodging with beta lawyer Samantha Smith, as a pseudo bouncer/admin worker. It's a far cry from his previous life, but it might just be what Jensen needs to drag himself from the dark place he's in.Not only that, but little does Jensen realise that taking on the position will bring him face to face with his biggest regret; the person he walked away from three years ago in what was the worst mistake of his life...





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> (FYI no one ever tells you that it's actually not posting the first fic that's terrifying, but like, every single other one AFTER that that's totally nail-bitingly scary. I'm just a bundle of anxiety now every time...)
> 
> Anyway! I’m gonna preface this one by saying I honestly have NO idea where the idea for this fic came from, but it wouldn’t stop writing itself in my head every time I went for a jog, so… here we go! Another A/B/O style (though not Werewolves this time) because… what can I say, I’m a sucker for an Omega Jared and a good ol protective Alpha Jensen! 
> 
> It’s a bit more angsty then Scent of You, which made me stress and worry over posting it in case people were annoyed there wasn’t enough humour, but in the end, I just figured I’ll continually apologize for the angst and hopefully that will satisfy people instead. Perfect right? Also there's an age difference between the two (eleven years) which I'll warn now in hopes of preventing people from commenting saying it's not too much of a difference or it's weird or whichever... AND, last thing, yes the title is from a Savage Garden song because I suck at titles and titles are hard. 
> 
> And, as always, my stuff's unbeta'd, I'm Australian so I may screw up some Americanisms, also please be kind, be gentle, and disclaimer: I own nothing and no one and everything is fictional because we live in the Matrix. Or something like that.

The eviction notice came on the Monday.

There was no surprise when alpha Jensen Ackles opened the letter from his landlord, when he saw the words “Eviction,” when he read the request that he vacate the premises by Friday. It had, after all, been a long time coming. Jensen couldn’t remember the last time he’d paid his rent, and his card had declined just that day buying a $30 bottle of vodka, so he knew his bank balance was fairly dismal.

It was a good thing, he thought, looking at the notice, that he managed to find a bottle of hard liquor for $20 and his card hadn’t declined. Because right now, he needed a drink.

Jensen didn’t like to think about the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he _didn’t_ need a drink.

In any case, Jensen got his eviction notice on Monday, scrunched it into a ball, tossed it into the bin, and started drinking. When he next was aware of himself, it was, he discovered when he staggered to the wall and blearily plugged in his basically useless phone to turn it on, Wednesday.

He squinted at the screen, before dropping the phone back to the ground and limping to his couch, falling into the threadbare, broken down sofa with a thud. He didn’t know why he kept the damn phone anyway; he never had any money for credit and it was basically no more than a paperweight that told the time.

No, he thought ruefully, that was a lie. He knew _damn well_ why he kept it – why he had kept it for the past three years. Because saved to the phone were a few pictures of a time when his life wasn’t the total disaster that it currently was.

A disaster, he knew, he acknowledged, he wallowed in, that he had bought _entirely_ on himself.

As if in agreement, the pain that never seemed to go away, that never seemed to want to let him forget it existed, twinged in his hip. Jensen grimaced, rubbed a hand on his hip, closed his eyes and let his head slump to the back of the couch. There was a pounding behind his eyes, his hangover swirling in his stomach, his mouth dry. He couldn’t remember when he’d last eaten, but the nausea in his gut told him he wasn’t hungry anyway. He was _thirsty_ , he decided, and wondered if he still had any alcohol left in the house. It seemed unlikely, given the fact that he appeared to have just had a three day bender, but he occasionally did hide stashes of alcohol in various places in the house, in hopes of deceiving his drunk self.

 _Hidden alcohol around the house,_ Jensen almost snorted at himself. _Jesus Christ Ackles, look at your goddamn life_.

It wasn’t the first time he’d thought that, wouldn’t be the last, he supposed.

He’d been a police officer.

He’d been a _damn fine_ police officer, in fact. One of the best. He’d been hitting the stride of his career really, at the age of 30, was looking at long-term goals like promotions, had had his police chief throwing words around like “shoe-in” and “sure thing” for upcoming job positions. Had had fellow police officers joking that he’d be recruited by the feds soon. He had been _good_ , dammit. Then…

Then _it_ had happened.

He’d _fucked up_. Not professionally, no. Not at that point. He’d fucked up… _something else_. He’d… Well, Jensen could say it without a doubt now, but he’d basically fucked up the _best thing_ that had ever happened to him.

Walked away from the person he…

The person he would never stop…

In any case.

He hadn’t instantly imploded afterwards, although the regret had been immediate. His… downfall had been gradual, Jensen supposed. In the immediate aftermath, in the immediate regret, when he realized he couldn’t take it back, when realised he’d really truly lost that one person… he’d drunk a little more than usual. A little more and a little more _often_. And things slipped, as they are wont to do when one is a little more hungover a little more often. Then it was _more_ alcohol, and less breaks between binges. And daytime drinking. And hipflasks. Then it was a string of one night stands and meaningless sex until he found himself in a relationship with a beta that was more fighting, more toxic than it was anything else. And between the fights and the toxicity, the drinking increased, until two years on and he was drinking every day and not thinking twice about it.

And then.

Then, when he was drunk, and reckless, and _stupid_ , he charged into a dangerous situation – a hostage situation with an abusive husband holding his wife hostage – and he’d taken a bullet to the hip, got his partner killed, the husband and wife both dead and effectively ended his police career in a haze disgrace, pain and guilt.

His hip was ruined, his walk a permanent limp, although he’d been told it would improve if he actually did the exercises prescribed by his physical therapist, but that required more effort than Jensen cared to put in. Occasionally his hip would flare up to the point of needing a cane and that – that very thing of being in his early thirties and clutching a cane, sent him right back into the bottle that had caused the problems in the first place.

It didn’t help that he no longer had work, that he was let go from the force, that he lost the majority of his police force friends and those that still wanted to talk to him, to help him, he pushed as far away as he could.

And so, since then, for a little over a year, he’d languished in alcohol, rapidly burned through the money he’d saved, sold the house he’d owned for more money, retreated to a run-down flat in a bad part of town. He’d attempted jobs, he _had_ , but the jobs as security didn’t want a guard who couldn’t run, and he could only stomach desk jobs briefly before the full impact of how far he’d fallen hit him, and he’d drink once more. And it was funny how often offices really didn’t like employees turning up drunk, or, worse, not turning up at all.

Which bought him to now, to being evicted from his crappy flat, hungover and unemployed.

A failed police officer.

A failed alpha.

A failed _everything_.

His hip twinged again, and Jensen decided he really would get up and find that drink now. Because _hell_ , what _else_ was there to do?

The moment he sat upright and prepared to haul his body from the couch, bracing himself for the pain in his hip, there was a sudden, loud knock at his door. For a moment, Jensen wondered if his phone had screwed up, if it was actually Friday and his landlord was coming to forcibly evict him. Then there was another lot of pounding on the door and a voice shouted through the wood.

‘Open up, boy! I know you’re in there!’

Jensen stilled. _That_ was a voice he had not heard in a _long_ time. He wondered if he didn’t say anything, didn’t do anything, if they would go away.

‘I’ll wait here all day, boy, you know I will. _Open the damn door_!’

Jensen expelled a long sigh. The relentless pounding was not helping the throbbing in his skull, or the pulse behind his eyes, and he ran a hand over his face. He was a surprised a moment to feel the rough stubble of a beard, and wondered exactly how bad he must look. For a second he contemplated going to the bathroom, washing his face, maybe changing from the clothes he’d been wearing for apparently three days, but then he thought, what was the point? Instead he heaved himself to his feet, wincing as his hip protested the movement. His leg and hip was stiff, and it hurt to hobble towards the door. He briefly wondered where his cane was, because now would be a great time to use it, but then scowled, because he already looked like death warmed up, he didn’t want to add “invalid” to that description.

He reached the door, pulled it open and found himself staring at the grizzled, familiar face of alpha Jim Beaver.

Jim swept an eye over him and made a huffing noise. ‘Jesus Christ boy, you looked like warmed up crap’ he said gruffly.

Jensen let out a sigh. ‘Look, Jim, now’s not really a good – ’

‘Bull it is,’ Jim snapped, and promptly pushed right past him into the apartment. ‘The hell you’re busy right now, unless it’s busy drinking yaself ta death,’ he stopped in the lounge, swept an eye over the place, ‘Christ this place is a bombsite.’

Jensen clenched his jaw a little, turning as he closed the door behind him. ‘You just come here to insult me or was there a reason?’ he said snippily.

Jim turned and a look came to his face as he saw Jensen put one hand to the wall to help himself to walk back into the lounge.

‘You still have your cane, boy?’ he asked.

‘Don’t need it,’ Jensen snapped back curtly, despite all the evidence that stated plainly that he did. ‘Why are you here?’

He made it back to his couch and sat down heavily, feeling a little out of breath, sweat beading on his forehead. _So goddamn unfit now_ , he thought bitterly, angrily. It didn’t show much on his body, except for, perhaps, a more softer, rounder, protruding belly than he usually sported, but _Christ_ did he _feel_ it.

Jim walked slowly into the lounge, and sat down on the other couch, still watching Jensen carefully. Jensen kind of hated it. Jim had been on the force when Jensen had been there, when Jensen had first started. He’d retired before Jensen’s spectacular fall from grace, so he hadn’t exactly had front row seats to the whole fiasco, but he’d been one of those afterwards who’d visited him in hospital, who’d tried to talk to him, tried to help him. He’d been one of those Jensen had deftly, firmly pushed out of his life.

He’d probably spoken to Jim once or twice in the last year or so, had seen him only once. Having him sitting in his lounge room, amongst the discarded clothes, empty bottles of alcohol and general chaos that was now his life was jarring, and Jensen found himself once again wondering if he had any alcohol in the house.

‘How you been, son?’ Jim said softly.

Jensen snorted. ‘Just peachy,’ he deadpanned. ‘C’mon Jim, cut the small talk crap. Why are you here?’

Jim rolled his eyes. ‘I see you’ve still the same charmin’ personality y’had years ago,’ he grumbled. ‘All right then, I’m here t’offer you a job.’

‘Oh,’ Jensen said, then, ‘not interested.’

Jim arched an eyebrow. ‘I haven’t even told ya what the job is.'

Jensen shrugged one shoulder. ‘I’m savin’ you the trouble,’ he answered. ‘Not interested in any job right now, Jim.’

‘’Cause you got so much goin’ on right now?’ Jim said.

Jensen bristled a little, heaved himself to his feet and managed, he thought, to quite successfully hide the wince of pain as he did so. ‘Because I’m just not interested,’ he retorted sharply, and started an awkward limp/shuffle to his bookcase, a distant memory of having shoved a miniature bottle of gin in there at some point not too long ago. ‘Sorry you wasted your time.’

‘ _Christ_ , Jensen,’ Jim blew out a frustrated sigh. ‘Are y’hearing y’self?! Are y’lookin’ round, kid? Your place is a mess, you reek of alcohol, you’re being evicted on Friday – ’

Jensen stopped his searching amongst the paper and discarded waste that covered bookcase. ‘How’d you know I was being evicted?’ he snapped, half turning to glare at Jim.

‘I make it my business t’know how you’re doin’’ Jim replied evenly.

‘Checkin’ up on me, are you?’ Jensen bristled.

‘ _Someone_ has too’ Jim snapped.

‘Well, I didn’t ask you to! Or _anyone_ to! I’m perfectly goddamn fine on my own!’ Jensen snarled, and whirled back to his bookshelf, rifling and finally, _finally_ finding the small gin bottle. ‘I’m sorry you wasted your time, Jim, but no matter what you say –’

‘Will y’just listen t’me? Just hear me out?’ Jim interrupted.

Jensen threw up both hands, started to hobble back to the chair. ‘What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand?!’

‘Jensen, Christ, you’re – you’re on a fast-track to nowhere good, son – by Friday y’ll be homeless, no money, nowhere to go – you wanna get yourself killed, is that it? Want t’drink yourself to death in a ditch somewhere?’

Jensen slumped into the couch. ‘Hey, ditch, apartment, it’s all the same, right?’ he said, with a flippant smile, starting to unscrew the bottle.

Jim’s face fell. ‘Jesus, Jensen, I knew you were… things were bad son, but I didn't think…’

‘Yeah, well, _surpris_ e!’ Jensen took a swig, relished the burn of alcohol, and his headache almost instantly started to ease. ‘Just goes t’show, shit’s always worse than y'think. _Always_. Learnt that one pretty well.’

Jim stared at him a moment, and Jensen couldn’t look at his face, at the pity and disappointment he’d see there.

‘It’s Sam,’ Jim said finally.

Jensen squinted, took another swig. ‘That supposed t’mean somethin’?’

Jim’s mouth thinned beneath his bushy beard. ‘Sam Smith, Jensen,’ he snapped. ‘JD’s mate.’

And this time Jensen paused, the drink halfway to his mouth.

JD had been his chief, his mentor, his father-figure for years when he first started on the force, fresh-faced and alone, kicked to the curb by a family who had wanted to see him mated to a business associate’s beta daughter purely to strength business ties. Who had wanted to see him enter his father’s business, carry on the Ackles legacy. When Jensen had announced he wanted to be a police officer, that he wouldn’t mate with some beta purely for business reasons, they’d all turned their back on him. He still hadn’t heard from them in years, not even in hospital after he’d been shot. JD had taken him under his wing. JD, with his fearsome stature and grizzled beard, but nothing but a big softie behind the demeanor. He’d spent a lot of time in the past with JD and his mate, beta Samantha Smith, charming and feisty, a lawyer with a prestigious firm.

The same year Jensen had made… what he called the “Mistake”, when he’d left the best thing that had ever happened to him for a stupid reason, and begun to drink, JD had also died, killed in a car accident. A part of Jensen was glad that JD had never seen the full extent of his disgrace, how far he truly fell. He’d lost contact with Sam, like he’d lost contact with everyone else, and it was another thing he held guilt over. His best friend, his mentor’s mate – he should’ve made sure she was ok, that she was taken care of. But he’d been too wrapped up in his own grief, own regret and struggles to see anything beyond.

‘What about Sam?’ Jensen asked, for the first time since Jim had walked into his apartment actually interested in what the grizzled old alpha had to say.

‘Well, she’s lookin’ for someone to work for her’ Jim started.

‘Hate to disappoint you Jim, but I ain’t a lawyer’ Jensen interrupted.

‘You don’t say,’ Jim rolled his eyes. ‘Not as a lawyer, you idiot. As a sort of… muscle. Security slash admin.’

Jensen stared at him.

Jim huffed, rubbed at his face. ‘Look, Sam, she’s – ’

‘She was working for the big firm,’ Jensen interrupted, brow furrowing. ‘The… Kripke and Singer. Or something. Why –’

‘She left ‘em,’ Jim said. ‘Bout two years ago. Little after JD died. See, when JD died, Sam she – they took care of her, they did. Gave her the time off she needed, treated her with respect, all that. They were real good about it, she thought. Only – only, they got a new employee, name was Jill or somethin’, an’, well, she was an omega. The first one that firm had hired actually.’

Jensen tensed a little. He started to see where this might head.

For the most part, he thought, things were improving in society. But, he knew, they were still a _very_ long way away from fully treating omegas how they should be treated.

The world at large was made up of alphas, betas and omegas – alphas, the self-professed leaders, the stronger, the commanders, who popped knots and, well, as blunt as it was, all but ruled the world. Betas, who were basically considered normal, with no real defining features, the everyday citizen. And omegas. Omegas, the more fragile, the nurturers, the caregivers, the carriers – male and female – who went into heats, were highly fertile and were inbuilt to obey alphas. What _should_ have happened was that _all_ should have been treated equal. What _actually_ happened was that the alphas took control, abused the inbuilt authority they had over omegas, lowered omegas to the status of “child bearers” and no more, capable of nothing beyond being “barefoot and pregnant.”

 _Hysterical_ , they even claimed, _prone to high emotions_. _Couldn’t really be trusted_.

So they’d stripped them of rights – access to their own bank accounts, the right to live alone, being allowed to work without an alpha’s permission, the right to vote, the right to any control over their own bodies. Abused and used. Cases of rape and sexual harassment dismissed as omega’s “asking for it.”

In short, it was awful.

 _But_ , things had started to change. The Omega Rights Movement started slow, but it grew in leaps and bounds. Things started to change – omegas granted rights to vote, to work, to live alone. It was slow going, Jensen knew, and there were alphas, and even betas, out there who looked down on omegas, treated them with contempt, like objects, like they were lesser. But things were changing, and some omegas were trying to forge their own paths, take advantage of the new opportunities –

_“I’m in college… going to become a journalist…”_

The sudden memory, the soft voice, rising to the surface with an image of hazel eyes and dimples, for a second made Jensen’s throat close and his body shudder, before he shoved it away, pressed it down firmly to the recesses of his mind, where it festered amongst the regret, the pain, the guilt.

He suspected, he mused as he refocused on Jim and his story, that the omega working for the law firm would have been hired in an attempt for the firm to “look good.” Some businesses did that – hired omegas if only to prove that they were diverse, that they supported the minority. That they were progressive.

‘What happened?’ Jensen asked.

Jim rubbed his chin. ‘The omega’s mate died,’ he said softly. ‘They were a happy couple, Sam said. A young couple. He was a good alpha, progressive, real supportive of his mate being a lawyer. It was a car accident, like JD. But… all that support, all that help the firm had given Sam – didn’t give a bit of it to the omega. Started pressurin’ the kid to get back to work, implyin’ it was because of their “omega” nature that it was takin’ ‘em so long to get past the death –’

‘Bastards’ Jensen muttered, scowling.

‘Sam thought so too,’ Jim nodded. ‘She was horrified the way they were treatin’ this omega, the double standards that were bein’ applied. They eventually fired the omega, somethin’ about too much time off work, utter bullshit really – and Sam up and quit straight away. First thing she does is she takes on Jill and her case and goes against her old work for unfair dismissal.’

A ghost of a smile hovered on Jensen’s face. It felt odd and the alpha realized it had been a long time since he’d smiled.

‘Sounds like Sam’ he said fondly.

‘Yep,’ Jim grinned a little. ‘She didn’t stop there, either. Won the case, and decided that she was gonna start up her own law firm and she was gonna take on the cases that no one else would – people with not enough money, omegas who had been mistreated, offerin’ legal council and the like. A coupla omegas who wanted to get married to each other, practically unheard of – no law firm would have a bar of them. Sam took ‘em on. A lot of…’ Jim paused, sighed a little. ‘Lot of omegas lookin’ to dissolve their mating, because the alpha or beta is abusive. It’s… those are hard ones. The laws… they’re still behind the times when it comes to matings. All in the alpha’s hands, all the ownership bullshit. But Sam takes ‘em on. She wins a few, loses a few,’ his mouth thinned, ‘an’ it’s hard, but she says it’s worth it.’

Jensen shifted on the couch, ran a hand through his greasy, grimy hair. ‘I’m happy f’Sam, Jim, I am, I’m glad she’s doin’ well and doin’ good, but what…’ he shrugged. ‘What has this got to do with me?’

Jim locked gaze with him. ‘See, Sam… she takes on these cases, these people, and they don’t have much money. So she don’t make much money. She’s been working outta her home – JD left it to her in his will, and she’s converted the entrance into a sort of waitin’ room, with her office and her intern. An’… an’ sometimes – it’s a big house. JD and her, they always talked kids. They had extra rooms. So she sometimes lets them out – to omegas running from their alphas and the like. An’ the thing is, with these cases, with these situations… she gets some alphas, they rock up and they get… they get _angry_ ,’ Jim sighed a little. ‘They try to intimidate her to drop the case, try to drag their omegas home even after Sam gets her restrainin’ orders in place. An’ Sam – she’s a fierce lady, but she’s only little. Her intern, Gen, even tinier. They’ve had a few… _instance_ s. Bad ones.’

A flurry of rage pulsed through Jensen, hot and fast and he sat up straight. ‘Son of a – did they hurt her? Is she ok?’

Jim waved a hand. ‘She’s fine, don’t worry,’ he assured the other alpha. ‘But they smashed up some of her furniture, broke windows… it was just a real wakeup call. Sam knows she needs protection if she’s gonna keep workin’ and livin’ in that house, doin’ what she’s doin’. Thing is… security, guards, systems – all that costs money she don’t have. She’s got a guy, Misha, an alpha, who comes round twice a week, mans the front desk, looks imposing, keeps the rough ones out. But she wants someone more often. She’s offerin’ a free room, free food. All you gotta do is work the front desk, answer the door, keep the alphas out, look after the place. And,’ Jim’s lips twitched, ‘maybe a little filing too.’

Jensen started. ‘Wait – I – me? She wants me to…’ Jensen gave a bark of laughter. ‘She does realise I’m a goddamn cripple, right Jim? Can’t even walk to the goddamn door without my hip seizing up.’

‘Bet y’could if you took care of yourself probably,’ Jim said pointedly. ‘How long since ya did y’physical therapy exercises? How long since – Christ, Jensen… just how long since you took care of yourself _at all_? The only reason your hip’s playin’ up as bad as it is, is because you ain’t takin’ care of it!’

‘Oh right, and the bullet had nothing to do with it’ Jensen rolled his eyes.

‘Of course the – don’t be a smartass with me, boy,’ Jim snapped.

‘Not a boy anymore, Jim’ Jensen retorted.

‘ _Then stop actin’ like one_!’ Jim threw up both hands. ‘How long are you gonna wallow, Jensen? _Huh_? Tell me that? Hasn’t three years been long enough feelin’ sorry for yourself? Aren’t you goddamn _tired_ of it now? I’m givin’ you a _chance_ – an _opportunity_ to drag yerself out of this goddamn pit of misery you’re in. A job, a place to live – and don’t give me that cripple shit, Sam’s not askin’ for a goddamn bodyguard, she just wants an alpha around who looks imposing, who can keep the bastards at bay – Christ, you’re 6ft somethin’, built like a brick shithouse, and even with the damn leg you can still hold y’own! ‘Sides which, you look like a grumpy scary motherfucker, so there’s that too. And it’s _Sam_ , Jensen – Christ, JD was like a goddamn father to you. The _least_ you can do it look out for his mate!’

For a long second there was nothing but silence, Jim’s breathing a little elevated from his rant, and Jensen… Jensen gripped the small bottle of gin so tightly his knuckles turned white, dropped his gaze and stared at the carpet. His chest felt tight, like a band was constricting across his lungs.

‘I…’ he started, and then stopped because he didn’t know what to say.

Jim let out a long breath and his shoulders slumped a little. ‘Listen,’ the old alpha sounded tired, ‘how about I leave you t’think? You got… your eviction is on Friday, I tol’ Sam we’d swing by Monday. Y’can… y’can stay in my spare room, on the weekend, if y’need. And y’can use the time t’think – work out if y – ’

Suddenly Jensen couldn’t stand having Jim there, offering him a room in his house with his loving mate, in his little suburb, offering because Jensen couldn’t even manage to hold onto a squalor of an apartment.

‘Monday morning,’ he said. ‘I’ll let you know. We’ll meet. There’s a café round the corner, Leaf and Bean. On Monday I’ll meet you there at 10 and I’ll give you your answer.’

Jim stared at him a moment. ‘And over the weekend?’

Jensen didn’t meet his eyes. ‘I’ll work something out.’

Jim stood in a silence, before he let out a breath. ‘Jus’… jus’ _really_ think about this, ok Jensen? About _everything_. You can’t… I know you think your life is over son, but you’re only thirty three. There’s still so much you can do. Don’t… don’t throw it away is all I’m sayin.’ Give this a shot.’

Jensen didn’t answer and Jim took that as his cue to leave. For a moment, Jensen toyed with the gin bottle, unscrewed the cap, screwed it back on, lifted the bottle, put it back down. For a long time, he sat.

For a long time, he thought.

 

**

 

Prior to that weekend, Jensen might have scoffed at the idea he was an alcoholic.

Which was _ridiculous_ , he knew, because he knew he drank every day and he knew he relied on alcohol, but there had still been that small part of him that thought he could stop anytime and he’d be fine. That little voice of denial that had stubbornly remained over the past few years.

The little denial voice was a _lot_ more quiet now.

Because, after he tipped the bottle of gin down the drain, after he tipped all the remains of his alcohol down the drain, after he cleared his apartment of temptation and sat back down, the _urge_ , the _desire_ , the _need_ arose almost instantly. The craving that made his fingers twitch, his skin itch, and a tightness form in his chest, made his heart rate spike. Something dimly whispered in his mind the word, “ _withdrawal_.” If he’d bothered to look at websites, to talk to a professional, Jensen would’ve realized that undertaking alcohol withdrawal on his own was probably one of the more stupid ideas he’d ever had – and considering the past few years of his life, that was really saying something. But whether it was his denial or his inbuilt alpha-ness that made him need to be independent and strong, he assumed it would be fine.

It wasn’t fine.

It was a haze, when he looked back on it, when he finally felt the tiniest bit more alive Friday night. A haze of heart palpitations, of shakes, tremors, and sweating. Of vomiting and vomiting until his stomach ached and there was nothing left. Of lying curled on the dirty bathroom floor, sweating, and almost a little sure he was going to die.

Of imagining, of seeing… seeing _that face_ , there, with worried eyes, trying to soothe him, a hallucination bought on through his pure desperation to be with… _him_ again. To not be going through this alone.

By the time it was Friday night, he could limp around, but he was still shaky, still felt like his head was disconnected from his body, still sweating like crazy, eyes bloodshot and bleary, body vibrating, stomach roiling and clenching. He packed up the meagre possessions he still cared about, still wanted, into his duffel bag and then traipsed from his dirty, run down apartment. He walked to his beaten, rusted, junk of a car that he’d still managed to keep, managed not to sell in pursuit of alcohol, clambered into it, drove it to the nearest park, parked up, then crawled into the backseat to shiver and shake the night away.

It occurred to him, how ridiculous he was being, to spend the next three nights living out of his car, when Jim had offered him a spare room. But he didn’t want Jim to see him like this – _anyone_ to see him like this – and by the time Monday came round he could be through the worst of it, could face his old friends with at least the tiniest bit more dignity.

On Monday morning, he used the local gas station’s shower, washed the remnants of sweat and grime from his body, changed into the neatest clothes he had (still fairly scruffy), gazed at his reflection a moment, at the hallowed cheeks, the gaunt face, bags beneath his eyes, the scruff on his face, almost a full beard, and thought he looked like hell.

But, _sober_ hell.

And he _was_ , even though he wanted, he craved, _so badly_ , even though he still shook slightly, still could barely stomach food, he was _sober_ , for the first time is so many years.

And that was worth _something_ , he told himself, it _was_.

Jim was already at the café when he arrived, two black coffees on the table before him, and there was a moment of affection for his old friend for remembering his coffee order, even years later. Then Jensen slid into the chair across from Jim, rested his hands atop the table and nodded once.

‘Ok,’ he said. ‘Ok, I’m in.’


	2. Chapter Two

Jensen had to hand it to Samantha; when she first laid eyes on him as she opened the door to her large house, any surprise that she undoubtedly felt at his appearance was masked well.

While she didn’t seem to have changed, to have aged even the slightest – her face still sharp-cheekbones and sparkling blue eyes, her frame lithe and willowy, with cascading blonde curls and a smile that was part cheeky, part motherly – he knew he had. And he knew she could see immediately exactly how much – the weight he’d lost, the pallor of his skin, scruff on his face, bags beneath his eyes, the lines on his face that weren’t there before, the cane clutched in one hand. A far cry from the fit, energetic alpha she’d once known.

But she didn’t react, didn’t comment, and Jensen was grateful. Instead, she smiled, stepped forward and enveloped him in a hug that he couldn’t help but respond to, wrapping his arms around her tiny, delicate frame.

‘It’s been too long, Jen,’ she said softly, ‘way too long.’

Something tightened in Jensen’s throat and he swallowed hard, held a little tighter. ‘Sorry’ he managed to whisper, because that was on him; the distance, the time. That was on _him_.

Sam shook her head gently as she stepped back, still smiling. ‘It’s good to see you’ was all she said, before she stepped back and gestured for the two alphas to enter the house.

It had been hard enough just pulling up to the house. Jensen had been hit with an onslaught of memories just seeing the three story, sprawling brick house, with its rose bushes and perfectly curated lawn. He’d been to this house many a time, had drinks with Sam and JD, out on the back patio that he knew lay on the other side of the house, overlooking the large backyard with it’s underground pool.

He hesitated just a moment before he stepped into the hallway, bracing himself a little against the new wave of nostalgia. It looked different – there hadn’t been a door at the end of the hallway that led to the upstairs before, and Jensen figured Sam must’ve had that put in to separate her business from her home. The wooden floorboards creaked more than he recalled, and the doorway into what had been the lounge was expanded, the lounge itself no longer a living room, but clearly a waiting room, complete with a couch, table and front desk. There were two doors, firmly closed, slightly behind and to the left of the desk, which Jensen assumed led to the offices. It was odd, seeing this and attempting to reconcile it with his own memories of what it had looked like before. Before when he’d been here many times, when he’d been younger, happier.

Not a _failure_ , a wreck of an alpha.

‘We blocked off the kitchen too,’ Sam spoke, and Jensen realized he was still standing in the hallway, just staring around himself.

He glanced to where the hallway used to have a door into the kitchen and saw nothing but a wall.

‘Have to get in via that door,’ Sam gestured to the door at the end of the hallway. ‘Just wanted to keep it all separate from the business, you know?’

‘It looks…’ Jensen cleared his throat, rubbed his neck. ‘It looks good, Sam.’

Sam snorted, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder as she made her way into the waiting room. ‘It looks like a house badly modified into a business is what it looks like,’ she answered. ‘But hey, you do what you can with the money you’ve got I guess. Anyway, the office is through here – ’

She gestured as she went, pausing momentarily at the large front desk and peering over the tabletop.

‘I’ll be in a meeting for the next hour most likely, Gen’ she called down to seemingly no one.

Jensen was a little startled when a voice replied.

‘I’m not the receptionist, you know,’ a female voice huffed.

And then someone straightened up from being ducked beneath the desk, a small pretty beta, dark brown hair pulled into a bun, some strands falling into her face, dressed in a smart suit. She waggled her pen.

‘Damn thing fell under the desk,’ she grumbled, then her eyes fell on Jensen and Jim and she smiled, wide and happy. ‘Heya, Jim. And heya…’ she squinted, paused, then shrugged, ‘…you?’

‘Jensen,’ Sam supplied, and reached to prod Gen in the arm, ‘and I _know_ you’re not a receptionist, but I just need you to watch the desk for the next hour is all, ok?’

‘Law intern,’ Gen gave an overdramatic huff and flung both hands up, casting her eyes to the roof, ‘ _law intern_ and what does she have me doing? Answering phones and greeting visitors!’

Sam rolled her eyes. ‘Well, hopefully for not much longer,’ she turned to look at Jensen, ‘right Jen?’

Jensen started a little, blinking. Gen perked up.

‘ _Ooh_ , really? Well. I very much approve of this break from the traditional blonde, blue-eyed busty receptionist. Very much’ she grinned, and winked.

Sam chuckled. ‘Oh knock it off, you little deviant. You’re a law intern, you should know all about sexual harassment laws in the workplace’ she said, turning to head to the office.

‘Yup,’ Gen called out after her, ‘and _exactly_ enough to know my way around ‘em!’

Jensen gave her a more than startled look, before Jim lightly pushed him in the centre of his back, herding him into Sam’s office. He recognized it as a spare bedroom he’d once spent the night in, converted to an office, with filing cabinets, a bookshelf and an expansive desk and chairs, all furniture a little shabby, a little well-worn and scuffed. Jim closed the door behind them as Sam took a seat behind the desk and Jensen slid into one of the chairs opposite.

‘Don’t mind Gen,’ Sam told him with a gentle smile, ‘she’s a little over the top, but you get used to her. Smart as a whip too, best intern I could ask for. I keep telling her she’ll go far,’ she shrugged, ‘she just says she wants to keep working here, doing what we do.’

Jensen let a half smile curve on his lips. ‘Jim tells me you’ve been doin’ good work here, Sam.’

Sam ducked her head a little. ‘I try,’ she said softly. ‘It’s not… I mean it’s not going to make me a millionaire, but it does make me feel good. I help,’ she smiled, straightened up, ‘I help and… and that’s worth more than money, I guess.’

She gave herself a little shake, pushed her hair behind her ear. ‘Anyway. So. Did Jim give you the rundown as to what I’m asking for?’

Jensen tightened his hand on his cane. ‘Yeah, and I – Sam – my hip – ’ he could feel his cheeks flush a little, ‘I mean – for security, I’m practically – ’

‘You’re _not_ ,’ Sam interrupted firmly. ‘Whatever the ending of the sentence was, you’re _not_. I know about your hip, Jensen, but I’m not asking you to be… like you were before. I’m not asking for a kung-fu master or whatever it if you’re thinking of. I just need someone – no, not _someone_. I need,’ she gave a little huff, ‘an _alpha_. As… annoying as it is to admit, I need an _alpha_. To man that front desk, to keep the… ruffians out. We used to – the door used to be locked, a security system. And people would ring the doorbell, and we could review and unlock it from the front desk. Then… well, then that broke. And the camera for the front. And I couldn’t… well. It just wasn’t in our budget to fix it. And now – I mean, the doorbell rings and they just come in and… you know. If it’s not someone… if it’s someone unsavoury… And we do, we do get the unsavoury type... Misha – he’s an alpha, I helped with a case with his wife - she's also an alpha. They were looking to adopt. They were hitting all sorts of barriers, there’s… stigma about two alphas together. It’s rare, you know? So he comes by twice a week to man the desk, just as a favour for taking their case. But, well, he has a wife, a son, a job. He can’t do it full time. I’m happy to offer a room – we have several upstairs – free accommodation. And a wage. I mean not much of one. But. All you have to do is help out at the front desk, look imposing, keep alphas from thinking they can… intimidate us. Maybe answer some phones, do some filing if we need it…’

Sam stopped, drew breath, and flushed when she seemed to realize how long she’d been talking.

‘Sorry,’ she gave a laugh, rubbed her cheek. ‘I just… I could really appreciate the help, Jensen.’

Jensen swallowed, trying to absorb Sam’s ramble. He couldn’t help hesitating.

‘My… it’s just… I don’t know,’ he shrugged helplessly, ‘how imposing could I possibly…’

‘Oh honey, even with the cane, you’re imposing,’ Sam smiled. ‘And behind a desk, sitting down? No alpha will even realize you’ve got a bad hip. Besides which…’ she paused. ‘Besides which, some of my… well, sometimes I have omegas boarding with me and… they can be skittish, around alphas. To be honest, some of them are fairly scared of Misha when he comes round. The… the limp may actually put them a little more at ease.’

Jensen snorted. ‘Right. Because I’m less of an alpha with it’ he spat out bitterly.

‘Jensen’ Jim reprimanded.

Sam held up a hand. ‘No I – no, that wasn’t… I shouldn’t have phrased it like that, Jim. That was my…’ Sam stopped, sighed. ‘Listen, I don’t want you to take this on out of some kind of obligation to JD. I won’t be upset if you say no, Jensen. I just thought…’

She trailed off. Jensen was quiet a moment. He had been, right up until arriving at the house, so _sure_ and _confident_ that he would say yes, that he would take this chance to turn his life around. But it was the memories, the being around old friends, that had thrown him, made him second guess his decision because all he could think was of a time when he was younger, healthier. Every look around this house, every time he glanced at Sam – he was reminded of what he’d lost, what he’d fucked up.

But… but, it was a chance, to turn it around. And Sam _was_ his friend, despite the years apart. And, as much as she had said she didn’t want it to be a factor, there was still the loyalty he had to JD, and the deep down desire he had to help his old mentor’s mate out, any way that he could.

‘Ok,’ he said finally. ‘Ok, Sam, I’ll do it.’

Sam’s face broke into a beaming smile that reminded Jensen of days spent with drinks and the booming laughter of JD. ‘Thank you,’ she said, ‘thank you Jensen. And,’ she laughed, held a hand across the table, ‘welcome aboard.’

Jensen couldn’t help smiling in return as he reached to shake her slim hand. Sam dropped both hands back to the table.

‘Right,’ she nodded. ‘Right well. I’ll get the contract. I won’t shove you in the deep end today, but maybe tomorrow? Honestly, there’s not much to learn. But today – I mean today you can get settled in, I’ll show you your room and – and I’m rambling again, aren’t I?’

The beta blushed and laughed a little. She shook her head. ‘I’ll just – let me go get the contract, ok?’

She rose from the desk and slipped from the room, leaving the two alphas alone. Jim shifted in his chair.

‘Y’made the right decision, kiddo’ he said gruffly.

‘Not a kid, Jim’ Jensen replied with a roll of his eyes, but a fond inflection to his tone.

Jim clapped him on the back. ‘Son,’ he put emphasis on the word, ‘you’ll always be a kid to me, got it?’

Before Jensen could reply, Sam came back through the door, clutching paperwork and talking as she did so.

‘I was already sort of hoping you’d say yes, so I have a room set up for you,’ she was saying as she moved around the desk. ‘On the second floor. We’ve two rooms on the second floor and two on the third, and I’m in one on the third and the other room is taken up too, so you’ll be on the second floor –’

‘A boarder?’ Jensen inquired as Sam went to hand the papers across the desk to him.

‘An omega – for a case,’ Sam replied, and her lips thinned a little, ‘it’s… well. It’s complicated. I’ll introduce you later, I guess, but he’s a bit skittish – ’

Jensen took the papers from her, started to scan the front page, so he _almost_ missed it, he _almost_ didn’t hear when she spoke -

‘ – he’s been with me about three weeks now while I’m working on his case,’ Sam was saying, ‘Jared Padalecki is his name.’

 - And the papers slipped from Jensen’s hand, scattering across the ground and for a second the world spun, tilted, slipped out of focus.

For a second all he could think, all he could focus on was those two goddamn words.

_Jared. Padalecki._


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Just an FYI the first few chapters of this will have flashbacks and I'm terrified that will somehow be confusing, so I thought I'd just quickly clarify that part here. This note is probably entirely unnecessary but then again, most of my chapter notes are... Ahem. Anyway, onwards we go)

_****FOUR YEARS AGO** **_

The first time Jensen met Jared Padalecki it was late at night and he had been coming off a long shift in a dodgy part of town.

He was bone-weary, exhausted, and facing an hour long drive back home. It was the prospect of this drive, and the way his eyelids kept sliding to half mast, that had him pulling up in front of a 24 hour café, the sign a flickering neon, one window shattered and taped with a plastic bag, the interior rundown and dirty looking.

As far as cafes in that area went, Jensen thought, it was probably one of the higher end ones.

Which said more about the area than the café itself.

He dragged his sluggish body from the front seat of the car and walked slowly towards the entrance. He chanced a glance down the street, saw a few figures eyeing him up, saw a few figures dart into shadows, away from his prying gaze. Police officers, he was well aware, were not particularly welcome or liked in this area.

He pushed into the café, a bell above the door tinkling on his entrance. The place was unsurprisingly empty, the plastic topped tables and uncomfortable looking chairs vacant. There was a small glass cabinet at the front showing less than appetizing looking rolls and a particularly plastic looking chocolate slice. The front counter looked to be empty, unmanned and Jensen hesitated a moment as he approached.

‘Hello?’ he called out.

There was scuffling noise from behind the counter, a voice calling out, “hang o – ” only to cut off in a yelp when there was a loud bang, before finally, _finally_ , unfolding from behind the counter, slowly straightening up, one hand rubbing at the back of his head, was a tall young man. He must have only been about eighteen, if that, looking impossibly young to Jensen’s eyes – and impossibly, inescapably, _gorgeous_. _Adorable_. Too adorable for the impressive six foot something height he straightened up at. His hair was a shaggy, brown mess, his cheekbones high and sharp, hazel eyes slanted, his body thin and lean. Jensen’s first instinct, on the sheer height of the kid, was that it had to be an alpha, or at most a beta. Then he inhaled, and the scent on the air was unmistakably sweet, soft and delicate and with a jolt he realized the kid was an omega.

It wasn’t just the kid’s impressive height, so rare for usually delicate and petite omegas, but the fact that the kid appeared to be alone, manning the front counter in an undoubtedly dodgy area. The Omega Rights Movement was gaining in leaps and bounds, but _surely_ no one in their right mind would put an omega alone at the front counter of a café in the middle of the night in the midst of a rough area? Jensen was all for Omega Rights, but this… seemed dangerous. And.. there was an unexpected surge of protectiveness that rippled through his body as he looked at this omega, a sudden desire to protect, to shield.

And then, underneath it, the urge to _touch_ , to _hold_.

Which was ridiculous, because the kid was likely a good eleven years younger than him, a total stranger and also eyeing him in the way that told Jensen he’d been staring for far too long. He gave himself a jolt, and smiled.

‘Sorry, I was just… sorry, did you say something?’

As aware as Jensen was of the kid being an omega, no doubt the kid was equally as aware he was an alpha. He could see the tenseness to the kid’s body, a wary look on his face, and didn’t blame him. The time of night, the type of neighbourhood, the kid was bound be on guard every time an alpha entered, police uniform or no.

_So why in the hell was someone letting him work all alone?_

‘I said, how can I help you?’ the kid’s voice was soft, with a tiny Texan twang, gentle in a way that belied his height.

‘Uh, just – uh, just a black coffee please’ Jensen said, trying to smile in what he hoped was a disarming manner.

The kid nodded his head, moving to the register. ‘$2.50 please’ he said quietly.

Jensen handed across the money, resisted the urge to let his fingers brush and linger, to touch the soft, long delicate fingers. The kid put through the money, offered him the change and Jensen held up both hands.

‘Hey, no it’s a – consider it a tip’ he smiled.

The kid wavered a moment, eyed him suspiciously, before he tipped the change into the dismally empty tip jar at the counter. There was a silence, a little tense and awkward, as the omega went to work at the coffee machine, starting to prepare Jensen’s coffee. And Jensen wanted to talk, wanted to hear the omega’s voice again. He tried to tamp down the urge, found himself unable, and blurted out the first thing that came to his head.

‘You here all alone?’

It was, Jensen realized instantly, when the omega tensed, shoulders tightening, the worst thing to have possibly said. _Could he sound more threatening, or sleazy? Asking if the kid was alone like he was trying to source if there were any witnesses_?

There was the tiniest tremble to the omega’s hand as he poured the coffee. Jensen instantly tried to backtrack.

‘That’s not – I mean- that came out, I just meant – ’ he stuttered.

There was a creak, and the door behind the counter, leading into the kitchen opened, and a woman stepped out, short dark hair cropped neatly, tattoos adorning her arms, her frame rangy and wiry, an apron knotted about her waist, her brown eyes zeroing in on Jensen. She was an alpha, he knew instantly, and she leant a hip against the door frame, folding both arms across her chest.

‘Everythin’ ok out here, Jared?’ she asked, eyes never leaving Jensen’s face.

_And that,_ he thought, _answers the question of whether or not the omega was working alone_.

It came a relief to know there was someone else present, even if that person in question was now eyeing him like he was something on the bottom of her shoe. The omega – Jared – turned and placed the steaming cup on the counter.

‘All good, Kim,’ he said softly, then, not looking up at Jensen’s face, pushed the cup towards him. ‘Here’s your coffee, sir.’

‘It’s Jensen,’ Jensen said automatically, stupidly, without thinking, and the omega looked up, a flash of a confused look across his face, undoubtedly because normal people didn’t go around introducing themselves by first names to baristas.

Least of all baristas that they had clearly – however unintentionally – made uncomfortable.

Which was about the point that Jensen felt his face heat up, and he grabbed his cup, garbled an approximation of “thank you” and then hurried out of the door as quickly as he could.

And that was how Jensen’s first meeting with Jared was not one of love at first sight, but one of decided awkwardness and complete lack of social functionality on Jensen's behalf. And it should have been their _only_ meeting, really, it _should_ have been.

Only it wasn’t, because after two weeks of trying to get the young omega from his mind, Jensen found himself right back out the front of the 24 hour café, staring inside, telling himself he was being a creep, was too old for this young omega, was all but stalking him, that he should start his car up, drive away and forget about Jared.

Instead, he got out of the car, and went inside the café.

 

**

_****PRESENT DAY**** _

 

The room was small, but functional and cosy. There was a plain, double bed, an empty wardrobe for his meagre items of clothing and a bedside table with a lamp. Sam had apologised for the plainness, told him he could decorate however he wished, told him to make himself at home, showed him the bathroom, the kitchen, gave him directions to the nearest shop for food, asked for signatures on the contract, told him he could start working the next day and then asked if he had any questions.

Jensen had none, mostly because he didn’t listen to a _damn word_ she said.

Sam didn’t know. Neither did Jim. About Jared, about the history – _oh, the history_ – that was there. _No one_ had known.

_And hadn’t that just been the goddamn issue_.

So Jensen had stuttered apologies for dropping the papers everywhere, collected them from the ground, then promptly proceeded to sit, looking for all the world as if he were listening, whilst inside his brain fumbled and struggled to come to terms with the fact that Jared – _Jared_ – was under the same roof as him. Was possibly _within meters_ of him.

_Jared._

Sam’s voice was nothing but white noise, and his heart was alternating between pounding and twisting. The pervading nausea from his detox was joined by his stomach twisting itself into knot, flipping and flopping.

_Jared_.

Three years it had been. _Three years_ since he’d last seen the omega. And _that_ last time.

Jensen had to bite the inside of his mouth at the thought.

The last time he’d seen Jared, it _hadn’t_ been pretty. It had been _awful_. _Terribl_ e. One of the worst nights of his life.

And all _his fault_.

The entire time he’d limped behind Sam as she’d shown him around the house he’d been tense, his eyes darting left to right, scanning and searching, as if expecting Jared to emerge at any moment. And he couldn’t think – couldn’t decide if he wanted to see the omega, or if he…

No, that was stupid. That was _fucking stupid_ , Jensen knew, because _of course_ he wanted to see Jared. He’d wanted to see Jared _every single day_ since he’d left him. He wanted to see Jared so much it was a constant ache in his heart, in his chest, that had never subsided, never faded in all the long three years, no matter how many people he fucked, or how much booze he drank.

No. The question was not if _Jensen_ wanted to see _Jared_.

The question would be if _Jared_ wanted to see _Jensen_.

And Jensen was pretty sure the answer would be a resounding _no._

Sam obviously had not told him about Jensen, and why would she? Why would she think to tell the omega about a new employee? Maybe she’d mentioned in passing an alpha would be coming to board with them, but it wouldn’t occur to her to mention the name, because she didn’t know the history between the two. Jensen had no doubt if she’d so much as mentioned his name, Jared would’ve had a lot to say about his hiring. Mostly negative. And Sam probably would've never have even considered for a second hiring him for the job.

And then of course, through all this thinking, this worrying, the onslaught of memories, was the big question – _why_ was Jared here? _Why was Jared at Sam’s_? What did Sam mean ‘ _for a case’_? _What_ case? It was burning a hole in Jensen’s mind. He desperately wanted to ask, to probe, but he knew Sam would keep her client’s – _and was that what Jared was? A client?_ – confidentiality.

So he’d stayed silent, mind going a thousand miles per hour, and when she asked if he had any questions, he said no, politely told her he would get himself settled, went into his room and sat on his bed.

Sat on his bed and thought, wildly, desperately.

The last time he’d seen Jared – and he forced himself to think, to look into those memories he tried so desperately to suppress because they hurt _so damn much_ – the last time he’d seen the omega, Jared had been in college. He’d been about to start his second year, in fact, and been studying journalism. He’d wanted to become a journalist. And Jensen had thought he would make a damn fine one, because he’d been there through Jared’s first year, celebrated his excellent results, bought him coffee when he studied late at night and, of course, distracted him terribly at times.

Jared should have graduated by now. He should have graduated and started his great and terrific life without Jensen there. That was what was _supposed_ to happen. That was what he was _supposed_ to do. That was the _only thought_ that had kept Jensen the tiniest bit sane over the last three years – that however much he’d fucked up _his_ own life, however much of a disaster _his_ life was, Jared was out there, succeeding and happy.

Because if he wasn’t – if he _wasn’t_ , then Jensen had made the _biggest mistake of his goddamn life for no fucking reason_.

And Jensen didn’t know if he could handle that thought.

So, and Jensen’s mind returned to the original question, _why was Jared at Sam’s_? What had happened in the last three years?

He slumped back on his bed, put a hand to his face and exhaled. Felt the urge, the desire to drink crawling at the back of his throat, filling his chest, making his fingers twitch and shift restlessly. He wanted a drink.

_He wanted a fucking drink._

He tried to calm his heart, his thoughts, tried to stop the memories as they trickled in, washed over him, clenched around his heart, but eventually gave him, gave into the remembrance of hazel eyes, shaggy hair and dimples.


	4. Chapter Four

_****FOUR YEARS AGO** **_

 

The second time he went into the coffee shop, Jensen couldn’t stop his heart plummeting at the sight of a surly looking young beta at the counter who was very decidedly _not_ the omega Jared. He’d come out of uniform on his day off this time round, hoping the lack of a police uniform would make him seem less imposing and driven the long hour out there, but it seemed, as he approached the counter with a frown, that his efforts were in vain anyway. The beta kid at the counter eyed him.

‘Yeah?’ he snapped, and Jensen kind of regretted not having the uniform now because at least it commanded a bit of respect.

‘Coffee, black,’ he answered, because now he was here, he may as well order a damn drink, ‘thanks.’

‘$2.50’ the beta thrust a hand across the counter, didn't even look at his face.

Jensen was starting to doubt a uniform would have made a difference really. He dug out a $5 note and handed it over. The kid rang it up, then promptly tossed the change into the tip jar presumptuously. Jensen let out a sigh as the beta moved away to make his coffee. He was starting to think this was an incredibly stupid idea, and maybe that he  _deserved_ to be shafted some money for even thinking of stalking the poor young omega – then he turned to face the rest of the café.

And jolted when he realised it wasn’t empty.

It wasn’t empty because Jared was in the corner, tucked into a booth, with a shabby looking textbook open on the table, his notebook open beside, pen poised to write as those hazel eyes scanned over the page.

Jensen stared, and didn’t realise he was staring, until a throat cleared behind him and he jumped and whirled to see the beta waggling his coffee at him, a scowl on his face.

‘Oh – shit – thanks’ Jensen took the cup, turned and took two steps towards the door, before he abruptly changed his mind, veered towards the tables instead and plunked himself into the seat on the nearest table near Jared.

 _Stalker_ , his mind whispered unhelpfully.

Jared startled a little at the noise, glancing up. There was a tiny widening of his eyes as they fell on Jensen and Jensen could almost fool himself that there was some recognition there, like the omega remembered him from two weeks ago ( _unlikely_ , his brain whispered, again rather unhelpfully). Jensen tried to smile in a disarming way, which clearly failed as it caused the omega to immediately drop his gaze to his textbook.

Jensen quickly glanced away; felt he’d probably stared creepily enough, and instead found his gaze on his coffee cup. He sincerely wished he had a book, or even a fancier phone to occupy himself so he wouldn’t be a strange alpha sitting in a café cradling a cup of coffee while appearing to stare at nothing. He was starting to think his plan – _did he even have a plan, really, though?_ – was not particularly well thought out, when he glanced up and saw that Jared was looking at him. The omega’s face flushed instantly, caught out staring and Jensen, realising he was still clutching an untouched coffee cup, took a chance and made a face.

‘Jus’ tryna decide if he’s spat in it or not’ he grumbled, with a head jerk in the direction of the beta at the front counter.

The startled laugh from Jared caused a thrum of warmth in his chest, and he couldn’t help to grin back at the omega. The omega looked the front counter, gave a little one shouldered shrug and a small smile.

‘I can vouch, I was watching; he didn’t’ he said softly.

Jensen squinted and raised an eyebrow. ‘Well, that jus’ means I gotta trust you now – you two could be in cahoots for all I know,’ he pointed out, mock-gruffness in his voice. ‘Barista code or somethin’.’

The instant it slipped out, Jensen had the sudden realisation that he’d basically just let slip he knew Jared was a barista, that he was just _that_ creepy, that he was basically all but admitting he was stalking the damn kid – when Jared merely smiled and lifted his textbook, revealing an “ _Introduction to Journalism_ ” title.

‘I promise, I’m reporting the truth,’ the omega told him solemnly, with a sparkle in those hazel eyes, ‘see? Journalist in training?’

Jensen rolled his eyes. ‘Pretty sure that jus’ makes it worse.’

And it got another of those soft laughs, with the hint of mind-blowing dimples on the omega’s face, making Jensen want to punch the air in triumph, making him lose his head, making him start to blurt out the next sentence without really thinking it through, without stopping to reconsider.

‘Lissen,’ he heard his voice saying, ‘I don’t – normally – I don’t usually do this… it’s jus’… I was wonderin’… jus’.. wouldja… would you maybe wanna go for a…’

And then Jensen stopped because he couldn’t say “ _go for a drink_ ”, could he, because the kid’s probably wasn’t even 21 yet. And, _oh Christ_ , it hit Jensen, Christ the kid _wasn’t even 21 yet_. And there he was, some sleazy 30 year old alpha, cracking onto him.

Jared was staring at him, an unreadable expression on his face.

‘I – uh…’ this was a _bad_ idea, a _terrible_ idea, Jensen realised, and suddenly he needed to leave, like now. ‘Sorry, I just – never mind. I… phone. Phone’s ringing, gotta…’

Then he turned and hurried from the shop, fumbling with his phone in an approximation of needing to answer it. He wouldn’t be back, he told himself, not daring to glance behind him, to see if Jared was watching, to see what expression the omega wore.

He would not be back to that damn coffee shop. Not again dammit.

Only, of course, he was.

 

**

 

It took him only a week this time to cave and rock up at the café once more.

Jensen comforted himself a little with the thought that he hadn’t driven especially out there today, that he’d actually been in the neighbourhood, working a shift, and, once more, found himself at the tail end of a long night, desperately craving caffeine.

Caffeine, and maybe a certain omega as well.

For the first time, when he entered the shabby café, there were other people in there. A hard-faced beta in the corner, nursing a steaming cup of black coffee, stark makeup across her face, made more garish beneath the fluorescent lighting, her gaze firmly rooted on the table-top. And – and the reason for her gaze being on the table-top, the reason for the clear air of “ _none of my business_ ” that her entire body projected – there was also an alpha.

An alpha, rough and dressed in too tight jeans, a leather jacket, with slicked hair and too strong cologne. An alpha, leaning over the counter, with one hand gripping the arm of a clearly uncomfortable Jared, the omega’s entire body a tense line, face a little white, eyes wide.

‘ – need to be shy, sweet lil unmated thing like you,’ the alpha was saying, all leering smiles and silkily smooth tones, ‘you can drop the bashful act around me, sugar, m’only askin’ for a quick one round the back – ’

The rage hit Jensen like a wave and his entire being froze in the doorway, eyes rooted to the scene. He saw Jared give a tug, try to take a step back.

‘Sir,’ the omega’s voice was tight, but painfully, painfully polite, ‘if you could let go – ’

‘What, you want money?’ the alpha licked his lips. ‘I’ll pay, sugar, mouth like that’s worth at least twenn – ’

Jensen was moving before his brain registered, three short strides across the café, grabbing the alpha by the collar of his jacket and giving a sharp, painful tug. The alpha jerked backwards, let go of Jared with a disgruntled noise of surprise.

‘What the _fu_ –’

‘He said,’ Jensen’s voice was pitched deadly calm, ‘to let go, dickhead.’

The alpha twisted, tore from his grip, spun with a snarl. ‘And who the fuc – ’

The alpha stopped, saw the uniform, the words dying on his lips. Something akin to disgust flitted over his face, a clear indication of how he felt about the police force, and a sneer curled his lips. There was the sound of footsteps and the back door banged open with a crash, the tattooed woman from the other night at the doorway, the tiniest hitch to her breath giving away that she’d run. She smoothed her face in an instant and stepped out, putting both hands on her hips.

‘We got a problem out here, boys?’ her voice boomed out.

The alpha tossed a look behind him, saw the woman, then looked back to Jensen as if weighing his chances of going against two alphas. Jared was frozen in his spot, eyes on the ground.

‘Not at all,’ the smile the alpha gave was slimy, ‘jus’ leavin’.’

Then he shouldered roughly past Jensen, sauntered to the door and left, the door banging behind him. Jensen glowered at his departing back, then slid his gaze to glower at the woman in the corner, the woman who’d sat as the alpha propositioned Jared and done nothing. Realistically, Jensen knew there wasn’t much she _could_ have done without shoving herself into harm’s way, but his blood was up, his adrenaline pumping, and he couldn’t help himself glowering. The woman’s face flushed beneath her heavy makeup and wordlessly she stood, sliding from the café.

Jensen turned, saw that the tattooed woman had gone to Jared’s side, was gently touching his arm as she spoke.

‘ – _shit_ , Jared, I was just gone for a smoke break, I didn’t realise, I’m so sorry – ’ she was saying, her voice hushed.

Jared shook his head, stepped from her grasp. ‘’S’ok, Kim, s’fine,’ his voice was quiet. ‘Not your fault.’

The woman – Kim’s – face twisted in guilt and she looked to say some more, when Jared swallowed, lifted his head and stepped to the counter to face Jensen.

‘That – uh, thank you,’ he said, meeting Jensen’s gaze for a moment, before it skittered away, ‘uh. I, did – are you – your order - ’

Jensen wanted to ask if he was ok, wanted to check the omega over, but then Kim was hustling forward.

‘Jared, don’t – I’ll – take your break, ok? Just a few minutes,’ she tugged him from the counter, ‘I’ll handle this.’

Jared looked to argue – and Jensen kind of wanted to argue too, because, dammit, he didn’t _want_ Jared to leave, didn’t _want_ Kim to serve him – but the omega must have known arguing with the alpha was useless from experience, because instead he bobbed his head and, after shooting a quick glance at Jensen, vanished out the back door.

Kim turned to face Jensen. ‘Thank you, officer,’ she said firmly.

Jensen tore his eyes from where he’d last seen Jared and focused on the woman. ‘’S’not safe for an omega to work alone in this area,’ he growled. ‘Not without someone ‘round.’

The gratitude in Kim’s face faded a little, a cool look coming to her face. ‘That an official warning, officer?’ she arched an eyebrow.

Jensen scowled. ‘ _No_ it’s not… I jus’ meant… this…’ he stopped himself, reigned in the irritation, rubbed the back of his neck and sighed a little, ‘look, I’ll just take a coffee, ok? Black.’

Kim nodded, moved towards the coffee machine. Jensen reached into his pocket and the other alpha glanced back.

‘Don’t – on the house’ she said shortly.

Jensen paused, and as he looked up he briefly caught her gaze before she turned away. Maybe everyone in this area disliked the police, maybe he’d offended her with his growling and grumbling, but she was still grateful and that set Jensen a little at ease. It meant there was someone here who looked out for Jared, who kept an eye on him, who cared for him. He didn’t know _why_ that meant so much to him, hell, he still couldn’t figure out why he was so besotted, so obsessed with the young omega in the first place, but he figured at this point he was past trying to analyse his feelings.

He took the proffered coffee from Kim with a nod of acknowledgment, debated a moment, then took a seat near the door of the café, tugging his phone out and feigning interest in text messages whilst keeping one eye on the counter to see if Jared would return. He wasn’t sure exactly _what_ he thought he’d say or even do if Jared did re-emerge, considering he still didn’t even know if he wanted to ask the omega out, but he couldn’t help himself from wanting to at least see the kid again.

He sat, fiddling with his phone, for all of five minutes before he decided he was verging on looking strange and prompting suspicion from Kim, and, with a lingering glance at the counter, devoid of Jared, only Kim standing there, he reluctantly left the café. He stepped into the darkness of the night, the brisk cool air, and breathed in a moment.

 _Maybe this was a sign_ , he thought as he started to walk to his car. Maybe it was a sign seeing the older alpha accost the omega, being prevented from talking to Jared – maybe all of this was telling him to _stop_ this stupid obsession of his and stop coming back to the –

He was thinking so hard, so deeply, that he almost missed it. The muffled noise, a half cut off yelp, a scuffle of feet, and a voice.

‘ – fucking _shut up,_ you little _bitch_ – _fucking_ – ’

Jensen stopped dead in his tracks and his head jerked around. For a second he thought he may have imagined it, for a moment dismissing it as nothing – then he heard more noises, scuffling, shifting feet, the clatter of something tipping over, all coming from the alleyway that ran alongside the café.

‘ – fucking – _fucking bitch_ – gonna – fuck you – _knot you fucking good_ , you little – ’

The cup dropped to the ground, exploded coffee across the asphalt and Jensen was sprinting into the alleyway, was grabbing at the baton at his waist. It took a second – a split second to assess the situation in the alleyway – a split second to see, and to feel the rage, _hot, white, intense_ , pulsing _rage_ , flood his veins, his vision, his _everything_.

The alpha – from the café – belt buckle undone, fly unzipped, Jared shoved face first against the brick wall, a struggling, twisting form, face scraping against the brick, the alpha bulk pinning him there, one of the alpha’s hands smashed against Jared’s face, smothering his mouth, the other tearing and pulling at his jeans, trying to tug them down.

‘ – stay – _fucking stay still_ – ’ the alpha was cursing, snarling.

Then Jensen hit the alpha from the side, tore him from Jared and all but threw him backwards. The alpha staggered, for a moment losing his balance, face confused – enough time for Jensen to swing the baton. The alpha flung up a hand and the baton, rather than connect with his head, smacked instead into his hand with a resounding _thwack_ – the alpha gave a howl of pain and reeled back.

‘Son of a – _son of a fucking_ –’ he gasped.

Then Jensen jabbed the baton into his unprotected stomach and the alpha doubled, gasping.

‘Fucking – _police brutality_ – bull – police fucking –’ the alpha spat.

Jensen lunged forward, grabbed the alpha by the hair and wrenched his head back, swung his foot round and kicked the legs out from underneath the alpha, sending him pitching to his knees, head twisted back, hair pulled, a cry escaping his mouth.

‘Police brutality?’ Jensen snarled. ‘ _Really_ , dickhead? You gonna pull that one? This area I can do _whatever the hell_ I want to you and claim self defence and no one’s gonna question it.’

The alpha made a noise, then without warning, yanked his head down, hairs tearing and ripping, head-butted Jensen in the gut, sending the police officer staggering back with a grunt,. In a second the alpha had scrambled to his feet and taken off in a flurry down the alleyway, vanishing onto the street. For a second Jensen took three running steps after him, wanting to take the chase, to track the bastard down, before he stopped because – because Jared was still there, and because even if he caught him, in this area, in this day and age, an alpha accosting an omega was a dime a dozen and the guy would be lost in the system, remain unpunished.

And wasn’t that just fucking awful.

When he was promoted, Jensen often thought, when he reached his career goals, he’d make sure he’d sniff out the sleazes, the scumbags, make sure they didn’t go unchecked. But for now.

He turned, and there was another surge of rage towards the alpha, another urge to track the bastard down, when he saw Jared had slid down the wall to the ground, knees hugged to his chest, pale and shaking, a long line of scratches across the side of his face, a busted lip trickling blood and another bruise blossoming on his other cheek.

‘Hey, kiddo,’ Jensen stepped towards him, dropped to a crouch, ‘you ok there?’

Jared nodded jerkily, and Jensen could see the tremors that ran through his body, could see his teeth chattering. He had enough experience with shock victims to recognise the signs of it setting in. He shifted a little in his crouched position, glanced a little down the alleyway and spotted a doorway, the door shut, quickly reaching the conclusion that it must be the doorway that led into the kitchen of the café where Jared worked. He looked back to the shaking omega.

‘Listen,’ he kept his voice soft and as gentle as he could manage, ‘how ‘bout we get you inside, yeah? In the kitchen? I bet you got a first aid kit in there, we can get you patched up, k?’

Jared’s eyes skittered to Jensen, then away and the alpha wasn’t even sure the kid heard him. He sighed, then reached out and gently took a hold of Jared’s elbow, giving a little tug.

‘C’mon, kiddo, up y’get’ he said, applying a little of his alpha strength to pull the shaking omega to his feet.

Jared swayed a little as he unfolded and Jensen transferred his grip from the omega’s elbow to around his waist to steady him. The long line of the heat of the younger man was like a searing beacon down his side and he felt a shudder past through him involuntarily. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been imagining the heat of Jared pressed against him recently, only, naturally, in far, _far_ different circumstances.

 _Now_ , he very firmly told his perking libido, _was very much_ not _the time_.

As he helped Jared a little unsteadily towards the door, he tried to avoid looking down, tried to avoid noticing the untucked shirt, the undone buttons on his jeans, and the conflicting feelings of rage and lust they thrummed inside him. He couldn't stop his mind churning out worst case scenarios, the what-ifs, the possibilities...

If he’d left right after the coffee, he thought. If he hadn’t stayed those extra five minutes. If he’d stayed _longer_ than those extra five minutes.

Jensen swallowed and pushed those thoughts away.

They banged into the kitchen, a stark white-tiled, rusted stainless steel, generic looking place that cemented clearly in Jensen’s head the idea that he would never, _ever_ eat at this joint.

‘Jared?’ he heard Kim call from the counter. ‘Ready to come up front?’

Jensen ignored her voice as he led Jared to a stool along side the bench top, lowered the omega to sit and let his arm slide away from the omega’s thin waist. He straightened up.

‘Right – your first aid kit?’ he raised a questioning eyebrow at Jared.

Jared finally seemed a little more aware, looking up at Jensen’s face. ‘I – yo-you don’t need to – I ca- can – ’ the omega started to get out.

‘First aid kit’ Jensen interrupted firmly.

Jared nodded, swallowed, and then jerked his head in the direction of the sink. ‘Under-underneath’ he whispered.

Jensen headed for the sink, dropped to a crouch and saw the dust-covered, dismally small first aid kit shoved beneath the open, cobweb covered underbelly of the sink. He heard footsteps from the front.

‘Jared?’ Kim sound a little more impatient now as she pushed the door open. ‘What are you – ’

She stopped and Jensen heard her curse as he got to his feet with the kit. The other alpha had started across the kitchen towards the omega.

‘ _Shit_ – what the _hell_ –’ her head spun from Jared to Jensen at his approach and her body tensed. ‘You – did _you_ – ’

‘You seriously gonna accuse _me_ of doing that?’ Jensen snapped out, cutting across her, still striding towards the omega. 

Kim made a move, as if to step in his way, bar him from Jared.

‘Kim – ’ Jared said quietly.

‘I’m a goddamn cop!’ Jensen threw up his free hand.

Kim crossed her arms across her chest. ‘Like that means anything round here’ she glowered.

‘ _Kim_ ,’ this time Jared reached out a shaky hand, gently touched her arm. ‘’S’ok. He’s not… he-he didn’t…’

‘See,’ Jensen said curtly, and promptly brushed past her. ‘Now lemme look at the damn kid.’

‘ _I_ can – ’ Kim started.

There was a tinkle of the bell from the café, cutting off Kim’s words. She stopped mid-sentence, looked towards the front of the café, then back at Jared, face torn.

‘’M’ok, Kim,’ Jared smiled a little at her, wincing as it pulled on his lip, but looking as if his trembling was finally subsiding. ‘Go.’

Kim shot Jensen a distrustful look, before she huffed and vanished out the front, muttering something about “ _cops_ ” and “ _arrogant dicks_ ” that Jensen didn’t really want to listen too closely to. He plunked the first aid kit on the counter and opened it, scowling a little when he saw a small, half-used sub of antiseptic cream and three band aids.

‘Jesus Christ’ he cursed. ‘This all you got?’

Jared gave a little one shouldered shrug. Jensen sighed.

‘Tell me you at least got some ice or somethin’ in the freezer’ he said.

Jared gestured. ‘Yeah… should be. But you don’t – really, I can –’

Jensen ignored the omega, strode to the fridge and opened the freezer section. He grabbed an unopened bag of peas, an at least semi-clean looking handtowel from nearby, wrapped the peas up and went back to thrust it at the omega.

‘Hold it t’the bruise’ he ordered.

The instant the omega took it, Jensen grabbed some paper towels, wet them, then returned to face the omega, who was holding the icepack to the bruising on his cheek. Jensen hesitated, then reached out and gently grasped the kid’s chin, turning his head a little.

‘Lemme just – I’ll clean the cuts out a bit’ he said softly.

He tried to avoid staring too much at the omega’s delicate features, the cheekbones, hazel eyes, the soft lips, concentrating instead on dabbing at the scrapes on his face with the wet paper towel. He was careful, cleaning some of the grime from the bricks from the shallow grazes.

‘Thank you’ Jared said softly, suddenly.

Jensen’s eyes flickered from the cuts to look into Jared’s briefly, before he glanced back to the cuts. He opened his mouth to speak when the omega carried on.

‘I mean for before… I… thank you’ the omega drew a breath and it shook, shuddered a little. ‘I thought… I thought I wasn’t… I thought he was gonna…’

Something hot and wet splashed onto Jensen’s fingers and realised with a lurch that it was tears, that the omega’s eyes were filling, and he dropped the paper towel instantly, released Jared's chin and half straightened.

‘Hey – no – hey, kid, s’ok – hey – ’

Jared shook his head, dropped the makeshift ice pack and scrubbed with his free hand at his eyes. ‘Sorry,’ he mumbled, ‘sorry – _stupid_ – jus’ – sorry – ’

Jensen hesitated a moment, then stepped, slid his arms around the thin omega and drew him into a hug. It was instantaneous, the omega melting into him, huddling into his chest, thin arms coming to wrap around Jensen’s waist, and Jensen didn’t know if it was Jared’s inner omega responding to his alpha presence or if Jared… if Jared really drew comfort from him. He squeezed the younger man a moment longer, then drew back.

‘You ok?’ his voice was gruff.

Jared ducked his head, releasing his waist, pulling free. ‘Yeah – I – sorry’ he muttered.

‘Hey,’ Jensen’s hand seemed to have a life of it’s own, cupping the omega’s chin, thumbing the wetness gently from his eyes. ‘Hey, no need to apologise kid. I mean – that -  before – that was… that guy was a fucker, and that was rough.’

Jared nodded, didn’t move to pull away from his hand.

‘Yeah I – just thank you. I don’t know what would have… if you... if he... just. Thank you.’

For a moment Jensen stood there, staring down at the omega, and Jared gazed back up, and Jensen's hand still cupped the omega's cheek, the feel of the soft skin beneath his fingers, the hazel eyes on his, the sheer vulnerability, the relief of having been there in time, and then there was that hot feeling in his stomach, the steady thrumming of his own heart beat and he swayed a little forward, and so did Jared and –

Jensen dropped his hand, cleared his throat, shook his head and turned _. Christ_. Fucking _Christ_. It was a kid – a goddamn _kid_. Probably eighteen, probably twelve years younger and if he – he would be no better – _no fucking better_ than the douche that had assaulted him. _No better_.

‘Anyway, I – you should – the ice, on your cheek,’ Jensen stumbled over his words a bit, avoiding looking at Jared’s face. ‘Should, uh, keep it there. For a bit. On your cheek I mean. Keep the swellin’ down. An’… uh. The cuts. ‘S’not so bad. They’ll… yeah. Be fine. Uh, I… uh. If you wanna make a statement, press charges – ’

‘No,’ the omega interrupted, and he’d dropped his gaze back to his lap when Jensen looked back to him. ‘No, I… no, that’s ok.’

Jensen hesitated. ‘I mean, I could be a witness – ’

‘No point, really, though,’ Jared glanced up a little, gave a half smile. ‘No point, is there, really?’

And Jensen couldn’t really argue. He heaved a sigh, rubbed the back of his neck.

‘I better…’ he gestured to the door. ‘If you think you’ll be…?’

‘Yeah, I…’ Jared nodded. ‘Yeah, I’ll be fine. I… thanks… Jensen. Thanks.’

Jensen had already half turned, but he stopped dead, paused at the sound of his name – the name he’d let slip the first goddamn meeting, _weeks_ ago, and Jared had r _emembered_ – _he had remembered_. He turned back, saw the omega was watching him.

‘I – ’ was all he got out, before he stopped.

‘You know… I thought… I almost thought you were… the other day,’ Jared’s voice was quiet, his gaze more skittish than before, ‘I almost thought you were going to ask me…’

Jensen stared at him. ‘I…’ he croaked, then cleared his throat. ‘Christ, I… I’m _thirty_ ,’ he blurted, because weirdly it seemed so important for Jared to know this, to understand, ‘Jared, I’m..’

Jared shrugged. ‘I would’ve said yes,’ he said quietly, then locked eyes. ‘Still would.’

This was _bad_ , Jensen told himself, the kid had just been assaulted, was in shock, wasn’t thinking straight, _this was bad_ , this was _terrible_ timing and he should _leave_ – _he should just goddamn leave right now_ , _turn and walk_ –

‘Do you want,’ it tumbled from his mouth and Jensen didn't know how to stop it, how to stop the words, ‘do you want to have dinner with me sometime?’

And the omega smiled, even through the split lip and cuts, dimples cutting into his cheeks.

‘Yeah, Jensen,’ he said, ‘I’d love to.’


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone for the comments and kudos! <3 Absolutely made my day!  
> The next chapter should be up in the next day or so (definitely by the end of the week); it's written, just needs to be edited & tweaked but my brain was too tired to edit two chapters today (sorry!). Thanks again to everyone for reading & commenting!! :) xx

_****PRESENT DAY**** _

 

'Ok, so you press this button to pick up the phone call,' Gen said, 'then this one to transfer, then you press this one to  -'

'Whoa, whoa, just - just slow down a goddamn second,' Jensen held up both hands. 'You - what? Start again?'

Gen stared at him, blinked slowly, and there was a look in her eyes like she couldn't quite believe he wasn't following. It kind of made Jensen want to hit his head against the desk.

Firstly, he had slept _terribly_ the night before - the combination of the lingering affections of his detox, plus the anxiety about Jared being... _somewhere_. Somewhere _nearby_. About possibly running into him at any point. Not to mention the onslaught of memories - of first meeting the omega, of getting to know him, of falling in love...

In any case, it had kept him up half the night, tossing and turning, in turns sweat-soaked or chilled. When the sun had finally begun to rise and he figured it would be acceptable for him to venture to the kitchen, he was then struck by an intense fear that Jared would be in the kitchen, that they'd meet and Jared would look at him with hate in his eyes - or _worse,_ with a blankness. Like Jensen was nothing, _meant_ nothing - and _Christ_ , he probably _did_ feel that way now. It _had_ been three years, and it was probably only Jensen who'd spent that time wallowing in misery and in general fucking up his entire life.

Between the thinking and the worrying and the stressing, he'd eventually wasted so much time that he missed his window for getting himself a coffee and had just enough time to shower, shave, walk slowly down to the office, cane in hand (vowing he'd start his physical therapy exercises tonight to start to regain mobility) and was greeted by a perky Gen, ready to "show him the ropes."

'Of course, you're not _really_ admin,' Gen assured him, 'not _really_. More muscle. Our big brawny scary guard. Like, the opposite of a receptionist hired to sit there and look pretty, you're hired to sit there and look _scary_. But like, also sometimes the phone rings, or we need something filed and well...'

'Well, I'm there?' Jensen supplied with a sardonic smile.

'Something like that' Gen had grinned in response.

Now she was showing him the phone system, pointing at buttons and rattling off instructions at what seemed like a mile a minute to a tired, stressed and thoroughly caffeine deprived Jensen. He was tense on top of it all, half expecting Jared to just walk into the office, wanting to ask Gen if that was even something that happened, if Jared just popped by. Did she even _know_ Jared? Had they talked? Did they hang out?

And _what_ \- _Christ_ it was driving him _mad_ \- _what was Jared doing here_?

'What do you want me to re-explain?' Gen asked.

Jensen looked to the phone, then back to the beta. 'All of it?'

There was the tiniest twitch of impatience on Gen's face, but then she pointed at the phone again.

'Ok,' she started, a little slower, 'so to answer you press this button and then to -'

'Press which button?' Jensen interrupted.

'The _answer_ button' Gen said, like it was obvious.

Jensen kind of wanted to tell her he used to be able to reload and strip a gun in mere seconds, that he had the top aim of his class, that he had been the best damn police officer in the force and therefore _so what_ if he was a little technologically challenged? But instead, he bit back his irritation and nodded, gesturing with a hand.

'Go on' he said.

'Right, so then - after you answer you give the, you know, the usual spiel, " _good morning, welcome to Smith Lawyers_ ",' her voice instantly took on a chirpy tone that made Jensen cringe, ' and then if you need to transfer you dial the extension - the list is there - and then press this button,' she paused a moment, 'ah, the button with " _transfe_ r" on it, and it'll go straight through - easy peasy!'

'Right,' Jensen said, and glared a little at the phone. 'Easy.'

 _Admin,_ he thought grimly, _I'm goddamn admin again_.

Then the phone went off with a shrill, high pitched ringing and Gen stepped back, beaming.

'Oh! Look - you can practice!' she clapped both hands together.

Jensen could think of nothing he wanted to do less, but he sighed and reached out, grabbing the phone.

'Yeah?' he said gruffly.

Gen made a squawking noise behind him.

Jensen sighed. 'Smith lawyers, what do you want?' he said.

There was a thud of Gen slapping her forehead with the palm of her hand.

There was a pause down the end of the line. 'Uh,' a voice said, 'sorry, is Samantha Smith there? It's Gerald to speak to her.'

'K' Jensen said, before promptly dialling the extension, hitting transfer and hanging the phone back up, turning to Gen.

'That ok?' he said.

Gen stared at him for a moment. ‘Uh,’ she said, ‘maybe a little less like... uh, you want to kill someone?’

She thought for a moment. ‘More... chirpier? Think _happy_!’ she beamed and clapped her hands.

Jensen sighed.

 _It was going to be a long day_.

 

**

 

For all that Jensen “ _wasn’t admin_ ” he sure seemed to answer a _hell_ of a lot of phone calls that day.

By the time mid-afternoon rolled in, the mere sound of the phone ringing was enough to set his teeth on edge. There’d been no visitors, and Jensen was starting to wish an angry alpha _would_ rock up just so he could vent some of his frustration out on someone, because, he figured, grinding his teeth, smashing the _goddamn incessant_ phone with a baseball would _probably_ be frowned upon.

But, _holy hell_ , he needed _some_ sort of rage outlet.

He lasted until 3pm before he heaved himself up, grunted some approximation of “coffee” in the direction of Gen’s office, and then made his way to the kitchen. His hip felt a little stiff, the aftermath of sitting down all day, and he figured it was probably good to get up and go for a walk, however briefly, just to stretch the damaged muscle out. He limped out into the hallway, through the closed door, veered into the kitchen, cane clicking on the floorboards, half lost in his own world to the point that it startled him when he looked up as he entered the kitchen, and saw there was someone else in there.

‘Oh – ’ he said. ‘He – ’

And then the words died as the person – the impossible tall, extremely thin, gangly person, turned at the sound of his voice. Turned – and – and it was – _it was Jared_ – it was _Jared_ , taller and thinner than Jensen had ever seen him, face gaunt, cheekbones more prominent than they’d ever been, hair longer, shaggier than it had been three years ago, a hoodie swamping his lithe frame, a cup in one hand.

 _Jared_ – and it didn’t matter he was thin and haggard looking, _it was Jared_.

Jensen’s stomach swooped, dropped out, and the world tilted a moment, all the breath whooshing from his lungs in a gush, like he’d been punched in the gut.

For all that he knew – he _knew_ , dammit, that Jared was around, that he was here, that it would be inevitable that they would meet – _but_ for all that he _knew_ that, it _still_ hadn’t prepared him for actually seeing the omega. For coming face to face with the person who’d haunted his goddamn life for three years. To meet those hazel eyes.

 _Nothing_ could have prepared him. _Nothing_.

It seemed – from the way his eyes widened, and his face drained of colour, Jared felt the same way. The omega took in Jensen’s form standing there and sucked in a sharp breath, the cup slipping from his fingers and dropping with a clang to the ground. The noise jolted them and both jumped a little.

Jared made a soft noise, stepping back from the cup. Jensen started forward.

‘Is everything – ’ he started.

Jared grabbed the cup, unbroken from the ground. ‘It’s fine’ his voice was soft and he seemed to realise that Jensen was stepping towards him because his entire body tensed and he moved backwards instinctively.

Jensen stopped, cringing a little. _Not the best of reactions_ , he thought.

The cup didn’t appear to have been full, the kettle looking like it had just boiled and Jensen realised Jared must have been in the process of making the coffee.

‘The kettle has just – I - looks like I came just in time to make a coffee’ Jensen tried to smile.

Jared didn’t smile back. He was clutching the empty cup so tightly his knuckles were going white.

Jensen swallowed, rubbed the back of his head. ‘So, uh, hi,’ he stuttered out. ‘I probably should have – should have started with that. Hi. Uh. Hello.’

Jared didn’t say anything, was still staring at Jensen like he’d seen a ghost.

Jensen shifted awkwardly, gripped his cane. ‘So – ’ he started.

‘What are you doing here?’ Jared’s voice came out in a whisper.

Jensen stopped. ‘I – uh – Sam – she got me a job, I’m – admin, I guess,’ he laughed awkwardly, shakily, ‘admin and bouncer I guess. Uh. So I – I’m staying here as well – second floor – I – ’

Jared’s eyes darted to his face at the mention of Jensen staying there, then darted away again, and Jensen saw his jaw tighten ever so slightly.

‘So… uh. Yeah,’ Jensen trailed off a little, rubbed the back of his head. ‘I… it’s…’ and suddenly his tongue was thick in his mouth, awkward and heavy and the words tumbled without preamble, ‘I… it’s good to see you, Jay.’

Jared’s head whipped to look at him, his eyes tightened a little, then the omega was ducking his head and turning to walk around Jensen and head for the door. And Jensen – he c _ouldn’t_ – Jared had barely talked – and _he just needed a little longer_ – _just needed a bit more time with him_ –

‘Hey, you – your coffee’ he half turned, gesturing at the kettle.

Jared’s shoulders tensed a little and he didn’t glance back. ‘Changed my mind.’

‘Jared,’ Jensen was moving before he could stop himself, ‘Jared – Jay – stop, man, stop!’

He grabbed the omega’s arm, gently, _gently_ he thought, but Jared’s reaction was immediate; a full-body flinch, head ducking, like Jensen was going to yank him back, going to hit him, and the alpha, startled, immediately released his grip, held up both hands in surrender.

‘Hey – no – I jus' – jus' wanted to,’ he stuttered out, ‘jus' wanted to – I mean – listen, man, we’re going to be livin' together and we should… talk or somethin'. We should… I just…’ and then Jensen couldn’t help himself, ‘I don’t… why are you here, Jay? Is this – this somethin' to do with your journalism degree? Is it –’

Jared turned back to face Jensen and – and, _Christ_ , Jensen had _never_ seen Jared’s face like that, had _never_ seen his eyes like they were – _dead_.

Dead, lifeless, flat.

And it chilled the alpha, _chilled_ him right to his bone, made his stomach twist. Because Jared – _his_ Jared’s eyes had _always_ sparkled, glittered with life and now – _now_ they were flat, _flat_ and shuttered and Jensen could barely stand to look at them.

‘Journalism?’ there was harsh bark of laughter from Jared’s lips that sent a shudder down Jensen’s spine, then the omega smiled, a twisted, bitter, brittle thing, ‘sure, why not.’

Then he turned away, made as if to leave again.

Jensen grabbed his sleeve again, couldn’t help himself. ‘Wait – ’

Jared wrenched loose, and shot a heavy glare over his shoulder. ‘Don’t’ he said flatly. ‘Don’t touch me.’

The hurt flared in Jensen’s chest, painful and sharp, and it spiked his temper, the temper that always bristled too close to the surface and he knew Jared had _every_ right to hate him, to be angry at him, but it hurt, it _hurt_ and Jensen was angry too –

‘ _Christ_ , I’m just tryna be civil!’ he snapped, throwing up a hand. ‘I’m just tryna –’

‘Well _don’t_ ,’ Jared cut across. ‘ _Don’t_ try to be civil. _Don’t_ try to be a friend. Don’t try to be… don’t try to be _anything_ , OK, Jensen? Just _don’t_.’

Jensen’s hand dropped to his side. ‘I – so…’ he swallowed, ‘so what we just… we just pretend each other doesn’t exist, is that it, we just – ’

‘Yeah,’ Jared bit out, voice as flat as his eyes, ‘that’s exactly it.’

Then he turned and vanished down the hallway, leaving Jensen alone, feeling flayed open, raw, feeling like the ground had been pulled out from underneath his feet.

 _I’m sorry,_ he thought, because that had been what he’d _meant_ to say if he ever saw Jared again, that was what he was _supposed_ to say to the omega.

_I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything._

But he hadn’t. He hadn’t said it.

Because he was Jensen Ackles, _fuckup extraordinaire_.

Jensen let out a bitter laugh, clenched his fist so tightly his knuckles turned white and tried hard not to think about alcohol.

 

**

 

‘So…’

Jensen looked up from the file he was currently trying to insert into the “A” section of the filing cabinet to see Sam was standing at the front desk, an odd look on her face. He arched an eyebrow.

‘So?’ he prompted as he slid the file into position.

He probably shouldn’t be being smart to the woman who had essentially given him a job and rescued him from inevitable homelessness, but it was day three of his job, two days since he’d seen Jared and hadn’t seen him since, five days since his last drink ( _but who was counting?)_ and two days since he’d started attempting physical therapy exercises in the privacy of his room, which meant he was sore, aching, angry, frustrated, antsy and _goddamn tired_.

His sleeping habits had _not_ improved since his detox, and he was averaging about two or three hours of restless sleep a night, _if that_. And that left Jensen with _far_ too many quiet hours to think, to brood, to mourn and to crave ( _oh how he craved_ , and he didn't know if it was the drink or Jared, or a combination of both).

If he'd know being sober and employed would see him this goddamn _miserable_ , he'd have told Jim to stick his job offer and found a ditch to crawl in drink the remainder of his life away.

 _Not_ that he could do that now. _Oh no_. _Now_ that had been taken off the table, what with the realisation that he owed it to JD to look after his mate.

What with discovering that Jared was here, under the same roof as him for the first time in three goddamn years.

‘Can I have a chat with you?’ Sam said, stepping back and gesturing to her office. ‘In private?’

And didn’t _that_ just sound ominous, Jensen thought, gut clenching. He made his way slowly following her, proud that today he was sans cane, his hip twinging but not seizing. He’d probably need it once more by the time night rolled around, but the stretches of time between him needing it were getting thankfully longer. Once inside Sam’s office, he closed the door behind himself, and sank down into the chair opposite his beta friend.

‘Feel a little like I’m being called t'the principle’s office’ he grumbled.

Sam laughed. ‘Something like that,’ she tipped a wink at him, before her smile faded a little. ‘Listen, Jen, I just – I have to ask…’ she shifted a little, brushed the blonde hair from her face, ‘I just… do you… do you know Jared? I mean, did you two know each other?’

Jensen froze. _Whatever_ he’d expected Sam to bring him into her office to talk about, anything to do with Jared had _not_ been it. For a second he thought wildly that Jared must’ve gone to Sam after their run in, must have told her he couldn’t have Jensen under the same roof, must loathe and hate Jensen _so much_ that he couldn’t even _bear_ to live in the same house at him, and God, _God_ , Jensen couldn’t blame him, but it hurt, _it hurt to think_ –

‘I –’ was what he got out, voice a little strangled. ‘What – ’

Sam held up a hand. ‘Before you… look, no one has said anything or… whatever. I just… you know. The way you reacted when I said his name the first day, I thought it was odd. Then, the other day… I went to get a coffee and I heard you two talking, I didn't hear exactly what was said, don't worry, but it seemed… tense. And Jared he’s… he’s always been insular since he got there, but since that day I overheard you two, he’s been even more… withdrawn…’

Jensen’s heart and stomach both twisted. ‘God, Sam, I didn’t mean to upset him’ he blurted out before he could stop himself.

Sam raised an eyebrow. ‘So… you _do_ know him?’

Jensen hesitated a moment, before figuring there was no need to keep up the pretence. ‘Yeah, I… yeah, we knew each other. We, uh… it was a few years back, though. A while ago.’

Sam was gazing at him with her piercing blue eyes. ‘As friends?’

Jensen couldn’t look her in the face. He gave a noncommittal shrug. ‘Something like that’ he muttered.

‘And then you… had a falling out?’ Sam prompted.

Jensen wished she’d stop, wished she’d stop probing. ‘Something… something like that’ he mumbled again.

Sam expelled a sigh, sat back in her chair. ‘Is it… is it going to be a problem? This thing? Is it… I mean can you…’

‘It’s not,’ Jensen said automatically, ‘not for me, anyway. I… no, it’s fine, Sam. I mean, I’m fine… if Jared…’

‘I chatted with him this morning,’ Sam interrupted softly, rubbing a hand on her cheek, ‘he… well, he said basically the same as you. That it won’t be an issue for him.’

Something akin to relief flooded through Jensen because Jared _hadn’t_ asked him to be kicked out, Jared didn’t hate him so much he couldn’t bear to be under the same roof.

 _Or,_ a voice whispered in his head, _you mean so little to him now that he just doesn’t care if you stay or go…_

‘It’ll be fine, Sam’ he said aloud, and forced a smile. ‘It’s fine.’

‘Ok, I… ok,’ Sam nodded slowly. ‘It’s just… I can’t… with Jared… it’s…’

And for a second Jensen thought she might tell him _why_ Jared was here, might shed some light on what had happened to the omega the past three years, might help ease the worry and questions in his mind.

But instead, she gusted a breath of air, and smiled. ‘Anyway. I just wanted to check,’ she said, and waved a hand. ‘Feel free to get back to your filing. I… I’m sorry I… I was just curious, I guess.’

Jensen nodded slowly, and rose to his feet. ‘No worries, Sam’ he said, turning and heading to the door.

‘Did you know each other well?’ Sam called out unexpectedly, as Jensen reached the door, and the genuine curiosity in her voice clued Jensen in to the fact that Jared hadn’t divulged the true nature of their relationship, hadn’t given her any details.

And, well, if Jared wasn’t going to…

‘Uh, no,’ Jensen lied, and didn’t look at her as he answered. ‘No, not very well at all.’

 _Liar,_ the voice in his head whispered.

Jensen ignored it, opened the door and let himself out of the office.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what's weird? Writing smut at work.  
> My boss: you're typing so much over there Shae! Hard at work!  
> Me: *in the middle of typing a sex scene* uhh... 
> 
> Also, geddit - "hard" at work? Ahhhh, I'll see myself out. I've had far too much coffee to be even semi-interacting with other humans.

_****THREE YEARS SIX MONTHS AGO**** _

Jared was concentrating hard.

Jensen could tell because when the omega concentrated intensely he got a tiny little forehead crinkle between his eyebrows. It was probably one of the most adorable things he’d ever seen. But that wasn’t saying much because most of Jared did was the most “adorable thing I’ve ever seen” in Jensen’s opinion.

Yeah, he kinda wanted to punch himself too.

He shifted from being sprawled on the bed where he’d just woken up, stretching before he rolled off and padded, clad in boxers only, to the shoddy, unstable wooden desk in the corner of the room that Jared was perched at, an open textbook and a notepad crammed onto the small space. The omega was wearing ratty sweatpants that hung loose on his lean hips, totally bare-chested and his hair still sleep-mussed, face doing the adorable crinkle thing and really – _really,_ _how_ was Jensen expected to resist?

He came up behind the omega, looped his arms around his chest and nuzzled into his neck, kissing gently.

‘’S’too early for thinkin’ darlin’’ he murmured against the omega’s skin.

He felt Jared relax a little against him. ‘Paper’s due Wednesday, Jen,’ he answered softly, head tilting instinctively to one side beneath Jensen’s lips. ‘Gotta get it done.’

‘Nu-uh,’ Jensen objected and started to pepper small kisses down his neck to his collarbone, ‘’s’Sunday. Sundays are for bed. Come back to bed.’

He let his hands slid a little down Jared’s chest, felt the omega give a small shiver.

‘Jen,’ Jared protested half-heartedly. ‘You promised you wouldn’t distract me, _remember_?’

Jensen grinned devilishly, and bit Jared’s collarbone lightly. ‘Lied’ he informed the omega.

‘You suck’ Jared informed him, finally relenting and putting his pen down, twisting in his seat a little to face Jensen.

‘You wish’ Jensen leered, then cupped the omega’s face and tilted his face up to capture him in a kiss.

Six months.

Six months since he’d asked Jared out that fateful night. Six months of dates and nights spent together. Of long kisses, caressing touches. Of nights spent entwined and a particularly notable weekend where Jared went into his biannual four day heat and Jensen booked the time off work to spend the entire time wrapped up and knotted with the omega in Jared’s tiny, run-down room in the Omega Sharehouse, the experience intense, electric, all sweat and slick and hunger and passion.

The smile he’d worn when he’d finally gone back to work was equal parts exhausted and totally sated afterwards.

Six months, and he’d learned much of Jared’s past. Of his mother’s death when he was a tiny child, his father’s gradual decline into alcoholism. Of his older brother, Jeff, Jared’s hero, his everything. Of how Jeff had stepped in and taken care of him when their father eventually upped and left one night, taking all their money and the car when Jared was only thirteen. Jeff, eighteen at the time and an alpha, had fought and gained the right to look after his brother in lieu of having the omega carted off to a foster home or worse. Had taken on extra jobs, worked himself to the bone to ensure Jared still had a proper life. And, as Jared found out when Jeff got sick, suddenly, when he passed away two years ago, unexpectedly, “ _a virus_ ”, “ _rapid deterioration_ ”, Jeff had also wanted to make sure Jared still had a life even when he was gone. He’d been saving, little by little, over the years, and it was enough for Jared to rent his own room in the Omega Sharehouse – a place for omegas with no families and no mates to live without fear of horror story alpha landlords or worse.

Jensen had always thought of them as like an apartment complex – but he’d been faced with how very wrong he was. The Sharehouse was a multi-storey building, true, but it was in the middle of the rough area, run-down and shabby, overcrowded, with omegas existing in singular rooms. The place ran purely on charity, donations and volunteers. But it was home, Jared said. It was safe, it was cheap and it was _home._

He’d told Jensen how he’d had gotten a scholarship into college where he was doing his journalism degree, but the money Jeff had left him wouldn’t last forever, which is why he worked at the café, as many shifts as he could, night and day, anytime he wasn’t in class, cramming his assignments and readings into spare hours he had in the day. It spun Jensen’s head thinking of this omega, living alone in the world, juggling a fulltime course and working crazy hours, but still maintaining his scholarship.

He was in awe. Jared, he thought, was _amazing._

‘I just wanna prove that I can,’ Jared had told him with a self-deprecating shrug. ‘You know, that I’m not just… some omega. I want to prove everyone wrong. And… and prove Jeff right. When he said I could do anything. You know?’

If Jensen hadn’t found himself falling for Jared before then, there was no chance he wouldn’t have started after he’d learnt all about the omega.

In turn, Jensen had shared how he was estranged from his family, kicked out when he’d decided to become a police officer. He shared his aspirations for his career, the big dreams and goals. Told Jared about JD and Samantha and how they were his family here, how they’d both taken him under their wing. He shared tales with the omega, curled in the small, creaky bed of Jared’s room in the Sharehouse, stories of days when being a police officer was hard, when it hurt, and days when it was better, when he felt like he really was making a difference. Told of hilarious drunk nights with JD and Samantha and his police officer friends.

‘I’d like to meet them, one day’ Jared would say with a soft smile.

‘Yeah’ Jensen would reply, and wouldn’t meet Jared’s eyes.

Because, six months – yeah, six months of being wrapped in this amazing omega, of falling harder and deeper each time he saw him – and Jensen still hadn’t introduced Jared to his friends. Jared had never even been to his apartment. They spent all their time either in Jared’s tiny room or in the café, or in local restaurants. Local restaurants, because people Jensen knew would be less likely to see them there.

Jensen hadn’t told anyone he was dating Jared.

He didn’t think Jared had guessed that no one in Jensen’s life knew about them – doubtful it would’ve even crossed the omega’s mind that Jensen would keep what was fast becoming such a large part of his life secret from people that he’d told Jared meant so much to him. And Jensen kept telling himself he _would_ tell the others soon, _would_ introduce Jared to them all soon. He _would_. Really.

It was just…

It was _ridiculous_ , was what it was, and Jensen knew it. _So_ Jared was a few years younger than him _(twelve years,_ his brain supplied unhelpfully, _twelve years younger_ ). _So_ Jared was only eighteen and Jensen was thirty. _So_ there was an age difference. _So what_? It didn’t matter really. Age was a number. And, when Jared was older, was twenty nine and Jensen a little over forty, people wouldn’t… well, people wouldn’t judge as much. _Why_ was it different just because Jared was eighteen? It _wasn’t_ , dammit.

Only…

Only it _was._

It felt… Jensen saw the looks the other omegas gave him when he came to visit Jared, the looks Jared didn’t notice – looks that said they saw him as some sleazy old alpha, taking advantage of a poor omega. Corrupting a young omega just starting his life. Wondering why he couldn’t find someone closer to his own age. Wondering why he was dating someone so young.

 _It’s just your imagination,_ he told himself firmly. _You’re imagining it_.

But still… _still_ , he didn’t invite Jared over to his. Fabricated something about renovations making it barely habitable ( _liar_ , his brain whispered). Tried not to admit to himself that it was because he didn’t want his neighbours seeing him escorting a young man in and out of his apartment.

A young _omega,_ no less.

Jensen kind of hated himself for even thinking those thoughts.

But – but – _but_ there was his career to think of. He had wanted to be a police officer for… _Christ_ , for his _entire goddamn life_. And while a cop’s personal life _shouldn’t_ impact the way they’re treated at work, the positions they’re offered – it  _could_ and Jensen couldn’t – _didn’t_ – want to take that chance. He just… he didn’t want _anything_  to possibly shake his career prospects, to so much as cast a _hint_ of a dubious light on him, to even _slightly_  hinder promotions.

 _Once_ he was promoted, he decided. _Once_ he was secure in the next level up, he could start telling people about Jared, start introducing him. Jensen hated himself even more when he thought about Jared like that – long term, futures together – thought about them together for a while, and yet he wouldn’t even goddamn acknowledge the relationship outside of the two of them.

 _You’re a coward, Ackles_ , he thought, too many times, too often. _A goddam coward_.

Jared broke off the kiss, reached up to stroke a finger down Jensen’s cheek. ‘Hey, you ok?’ he asked softly.

Jensen blinked a few times, then smiled. ‘Yeah, jus’… jus’ thinkin.’ ‘S’all good, darlin.’’

He looped his arms around the omega’s waist, tugged him to his feet and muffled Jared’s surprised squeak with another kiss, tongue delving into the omega’s mouth, sweeping and probing, and Jared opened for him instantly, easily, body melting a little into Jensen’s grip. The omega’s taste was sweetness and light and _Jared_ and Jensen couldn’t get enough. He pulled the omega tighter, closer, started to step backwards towards the bed. Jared pulled back a little, face a little flushed, the sweet scent of omega arousal in the air.

‘Jen – my paper…’ he murmured.

‘After,’ Jensen ducked his head to mouth at Jared’s neck, the omega moaning softly and arching into him. ‘Wanna fuck you first.’

Jared made a soft noise, hips canting into Jensen involuntarily and the alpha took that as a sign that they were indeed taking a study break, using his alpha strength to grip, lift and spin Jared round, all but throwing him onto the bed where he landed with a muffled squeak. In a second Jensen had pounced, bracketing the omega with his arms, pressing their lower bodies firmly together, head diving down to capture Jared’s mouth in another deep, hungry kiss. Jared moaned into the kiss, his hands coming up to grasp the back of Jensen’s head, thread through the short spikey hair. Jensen broke the kiss, Jared chasing his lips, but the alpha pulled back, grasped the waistband of Jared’s loose sweatpants and pulled them off in one quick movement. There was a punch of lust to his gut, his already hard cock twitching when he saw Jared hadn’t been wearing underwear, and the omega’s half-hard cock bobbed free.

‘Fuckin’ killin’ me sweetheart’ he murmured.

He ducked down, mouthed kisses across the omega’s lean abdomen, stroked hands up his thin legs, before reaching the omega’s now fully hard cock, running his tongue up the length. Jared made a choked off moaning noise.

‘ _Jen_ \- ‘ he groaned.

Jensen slid his lips over the tip of the omega’s cock, sucked at the head, delved his tongue into the slit. Jared all but keened, back arching from the bed, one hand flying to grasp Jensen’s hair, the other clutching at the sheets. The sharp, sweet, perfumed scent of omega arousal was thick in the air and Jensen’s cock ached between his legs, boxers tenting obscenely. His head bobbed, cheeks hallowed and he sucked and tongued at Jared’s cock. The omega’s hand fished in the sheets.

‘Fuck - _fuck_ \- Jensen-'

Jensen pulled off the omega’s cock, drew back, couldn’t help grinning at Jared’s whimper at the loss.

‘Turn over sweetheart’ he rasped.

The swift obedience with which the omega complied was enough to send another bolt of lust through him, another blurt of precome staining his boxers. The sight - the _sight_ of his omega stretched out on his front, hips humping into the bed seeking friction, the sheeny-shine of his slick trickling from his hole, coating the back of his thighs - Jensen groaned aloud, could already feel his knot tingle.

This wouldn’t last long.

He shimmied from his boxers in no time, and couldn’t stop, couldn’t resist leaning down, palming at Jared’s ass, pulling the cheeks apart, lapping at the sweet slick, tongue fucking into the omega’s hole. Jared moaned, long and loud, the sound music to Jensen’s ears.

‘Jen - _please_ \- _god_ \- I need -‘ the omega managed to get out.

Jensen pulled back, smoothed a hand up Jared’s back. ‘I gotcha darlin’’ his voice was shot with lust.

He positioned himself, cock hard and leaking, thanked God that Jared was an omega, needed no prep, was made to take his cock, and, even more so, that the kid was on strong birth control pills. He’d have worn a condom, of course, if he needed to, but not having to... well, nothing compared.

He pushed into Jared’s slick hole, groaned aloud at the grab of the hot heat, the clench around his cock, the feel of the omega’s muscles giving way, opening naturally for him. The feeling was always, _always_ , heady and intense, making him dizzy and heavy with lust.

 _Yep_ , this wouldn’t last long _at all_.

Once sheathed he took a moment, steadied his breathing, until the omega pushed back, rolled his hips, clenched inner muscles around his length.

‘Jen, c’mon, move -'

Jensen needed no further encouragement, started with rolling thrusts of his hips, but was unable to keep the slowness, the steady pace, not when Jared felt so good, _so damn good_ \- and soon he was fucking into the omega, hard and strong, and Jared was pushing back, moaning, the steady slap of skin, the squelch of slick, the heavy breaths, groans and moans filling the air. Jensen felt his knot tingle, felt it start to catch, to swell, pleasure building -

‘Fuck - _Jared_ \- _fuck_ , gonna come sweetheart, gonna come -'

He grasped the omega, shifted and sat back on his haunches, dragging Jared up into his lap, driving him impossibly deep into the omega, knot swelling and finally catching, the orgasm ploughing into him - intense pleasure, a long groan bursting from his lips as he pulsed endlessly into his omega. He heard Jared stutter out his name, felt him jerk in his arms as the omega came, untouched, and the thought made him groan again, burying his face into the crook of Jared’s neck.

He eased them down, onto their sides, tied together, unable to stop the twitching of his hips, the gentle humping, pleasure still pulsing from his cock in spurts of come.

‘Fuckin’ perfect’ he murmured, nuzzling into Jared’s neck, clutching the omega to his chest, ‘you’re fuckin’ perfect, Jay.’

He felt his omega huff a little, but he relaxed back into Jensen’s chest and the alpha closed his eyes, let the pleasure and contentment wash over him.

He must’ve drifted off at some point, and while he’d been dozing his knot must’ve deflated enough for Jared to slip free, because the next thing he knew, Jensen was blinking a little groggily around himself, sprawled on the bed, blankets tucked around him but a decidedly empty spot next to him where the omega should be. He lifted his head, shifted up onto one elbow and saw Jared was back at the desk, had even taken a shower, his hair a little damp, a frayed, battered old hoodie swamping his lean frame, torn jeans baggy on his long legs, his feet bare. The textbook was propped up against the wall and papers spread before the omega. The blinds had been lifted and sunlight was filtering through, capturing the omega’s hazel’s eyes, lightening them. Jensen took a moment to watch, to take in the sight, felt something in his chest tighten, clench, and his throat close with an emotion he couldn’t – _wouldn’t_ – identify.

He gave himself a little shake, told himself to stop being so mushy and sat up properly, blankets pooling at his waist.

‘Hey, geek,’ he called affectionately, ‘how long was I out?’

Jared started a little, then glanced back, rolling his eyes at the nickname. ‘Few hours, s’past lunchtime now’ he answered.

Jensen made a dissatisfied noise. ‘Slept half the goddamn day away’ he grumbled.

‘Like you have anything else to do’ Jared teased, eyes dancing.

‘Oi, brat, you implyin’ I ain’t got a life or somethin’?’ Jensen arched an eyebrow.

‘Outside of work or me? It’s debatable’ Jared smirked.

Jensen threw a pillow at him. ‘Shuddup, nerd boy’ he rolled his eyes.

He wriggled to the edge of the bed, swung his feet onto the floor and stretched a little, feeling his joints pop. He could definitely use a shower. Jared had evidently cleaned them up with a rag of some sort, but he still felt grimy, sweaty and gross.

Definitely needed shower.

Only, he didn’t like using the showers at Jared’s – a communal bathroom that this particular floor shared, with six shower stalls, sinks and a three toilets. It wasn’t that it was particularly unhygienic or disgusting – it was nothing fancy, sure, but it was clean. It was just that he was one of maybe three alphas who ever came to the Omega Sharehouse and sometimes… sometimes he felt awkward when he wasn’t with Jared, awkward and _watched_. Like the omegas were on edge around him, waiting for him to "alpha-out" and attack or try to assault one. It was an unpleasant feeling, and the bathrooms felt the most awkward out of any area in the place.

But then… the alternative was going home and, Jensen looked to the omega, who had returned to his study. He was – as usual – loathe to leave Jared. Although, he sighed a little to himself, he probably _should_ leave Jared to his paper – he knew the omega worked hard to maintain his scholarship, couldn’t afford too many distractions lest he lose it.

There was the text chime sound that Jensen recognised as his own, startling him from his thoughts. He glanced around, saw his jeans across the room and got up, padding over to grab his phone from the pockets. He saw Jared glanced over and the omega’s face go bright red at the fact that he was still stark naked. He gave him a wink and a leer. Jared glanced away, trying, but failing, to scowl.

‘Exhibitionist’ he muttered.

‘Prude’ Jensen shot back, playfully swatting the omega’s head as he trotted back to the bed.

He flopped back down and opened the message. It was from one of his police buddies, Frank, a message inviting him for drinks that afternoon. Which, Jensen thought, solved his problem really. He could leave Jared to his studies and not mope around at home, instead go to the bar and have a few drinks.

‘Who’s the message from?’ Jared called out.

‘Frank,’ Jensen said absently, sitting back up. ‘Invitin’ me for drinks this afternoon. Good timin.’ You can finish your paper an’ I won’t be ‘round t’distract you.’

He grinned and, as he typed out a response, glanced up to wink at Jared, pausing when he saw the odd look on the omega’s face.

‘Jay?’ he said.

Jared startled a little, and quickly looked back to his papers. ‘That’s good,’ he said, staring at his papers. ‘You, uh, you having something to do this afternoon.’

Jensen paused mid-text, squinted at the omega. ‘You ok?’ he asked.

Jared gave a one-shouldered shrug. ‘I’m fine’ he said.

Jensen gusted a breath and put his phone to one side. ‘ _Obviously_ you’re not,’ he pointed out. ‘What’s up? Didja – didja want to hang out this afternoon? I can cancel on Frank, Jay, s’no big deal, I jus’ thought your paper – ’

‘No, yeah, I – yeah, I have to do my paper,’ Jared said. ‘I… it’s fine. You’re right, I _do_ have to do my paper.’

Jensen’s brows knitted together in frustrated. ‘Then what’s the problem?’

Jared seemed to hesitate a moment, then he took a breath and turned. ‘If I didn’t have a paper to do, would you have invited me to drinks?’ he asked abruptly.

Jensen started, floundered a bit, felt heat rise to his cheeks, caught off guard by the question. ‘Well, I mean,’ he regained his composure, ‘if you didn’t have a paper, we’d… we’d spend all day in bed,’ he tried to leer a little, tried to grin, ‘so it wouldn’t be – ’

‘That’s _not_ what I asked, Jensen,’ Jared interrupted, a hint of impatience on his usually calm face. ‘I _asked_ if you would invite me to the drinks with you. Would you?’

Jensen stopped, felt his grin fade. ‘Jared…’

‘What?’ Jared crossed his arms over his chest.

Jensen shifted, gusted a sigh, rubbed the back of his head. ‘I… ‘s’jus’… they’re cops, Jay, you wouldn’t… you wouldn’t really like ‘em – ’

Jared snorted. ‘Right, _right_ , _that’s_ why you wouldn’t ask me to come. _Right_.’

Jensen didn’t like the sarcasm, didn’t like it coming from his usually light, teasing omega. Didn’t like that they’d gone from happy to this tension.

‘Jared, what’s – I mean, c’mon, man, what’s bought this on?’ he tried, starting to stand.

‘ _Bought this on_?’ Jared repeated. ‘What – like this a _new_ thing? I’ve asked – I’ve asked _so_ many times, Jensen and you won’t – you never – I mean, God, I just – it’s so – it’s like, like I’m some sort of - sort of - _dirty little_ _secret_ – ’

‘Jared, hey, _no_ , it’s not like that,’ Jensen grabbed his shoulder, ‘you _know_ it’s not like that – ’

Jared pulled free. ‘Then _what’s_ it like, Jensen? Tell me, huh? _What’s_ it like? _How_ come I don’t meet your friends? _How_ come we don’t go to your apartment? Huh?’

‘It’s just… it’s complicated’ Jensen stuttered out.

‘Oh for…’ Jared snorted, spun and turned back to his table. ‘Whatever, Jensen. _Whatever_. I’ve got a paper to write, ok?’

Jensen’s stomach twisted unpleasantly and he felt something close to panic, to fear, claw at the back of his throat – he didn’t – _Jared was mad at him_ \- he couldn’t – it didn’t sit well, made him feel sick, ill, off-kilter and he _couldn’t_ –

‘Jay, don’t be like that’ he pleaded.

Jared didn’t answer. Jensen made a distressed noise, stepped forward and grasped his shoulder, felt the tension there.

‘Jared,’ he said softly, ‘c’mon, sweetheart,’ he hesitated a moment, ‘’m’sorry. ‘M’sorry, Jared.’

He stepped forward, bent to press his lips on the back of Jared’s hair, inhale the sweet scent.

‘Please, sweetheart’ he murmured against his hair, ‘don’t like you bein’ mad at me, Jay. ‘M’sorry. You know you mean everythin’ to me, darlin’. Not some dirty little secret. You’re my whole world.’

Jensen heard Jared give a long exhale, felt his shoulders slump beneath his grip. He took a chance, grasped and pulled until he’d turned Jared to face him, cupped the omega’s face and tilted his head, felt his heart clench at the slightly watery look of his eyes.

‘Sweetheart, don’t cry’ Jensen’s voice came out more agonised than he intended and he stroked a thumb under Jared’s eyes, caught some of the wetness. ‘Fuck, I’m sorry, Jay.’

Jared sniffled, avoided Jensen’s eyes. ‘’S’fine, Jen,’ he muttered. ‘Jus’ bein’ stupid. Emotional.’

‘Shut up,’ Jensen interrupted softly, and he tugged to pull Jared up into his arms, to wrap arms around the omega. ‘Not stupid. Never stupid. My fault. I’m… I’m a dick.’

‘You’re not’ Jared said, voice a bit muffled, pressed against Jensen's chest.

‘I _am_ ,’ Jensen insisted, ‘I’m a dick, but I… and I…’ he hesitated a moment, then thought, _fuck it_ , because at least this, _this one thing_ he _could_ tell the truth about, ‘I love you, Jared.'

Jared went stock still in his arms. Jensen swallowed, held his breath. The omega drew back and Jensen slackened his grip to let Jared pull back enough to meet his eyes. Jared was blinking, watery eyes startled and huge.

‘Jen…’

‘Not jus’ sayin’ it because we were fightin’,’ Jensen rushed to say, ‘been thinkin’ it… been thinkin’ it a while. I… I know I got some… issues. I know there’s some stuff you’re gettin’… you’re gettin’ annoyed with, but you gotta know – you _gotta_ know I love you, Jay. You gotta know I do.’

And Jared smiled, the smile that melted Jensen’s goddamn heart, dimples and the sparkle in those hazel eyes.

‘I love you too, Jen.’

 

**

 

Jensen did go to the bar, but he rocked up a few hours later than the originally scheduled time. He didn’t particularly care about his tardiness considering the reason behind it was that he’d been tangled in his omega in bed, knotting him twice more before he finally managed to leave, knowing Jared needed to write his paper, and he… well, he _really_ needed a shower now.

He’d showered, dressed and headed to the bar, been unable to keep the skip from his step as he went. It had been frightening for a moment there - their fight - because he’d be lying if he said it didn’t worry him, losing Jared. But to have the _opposite_ happen – to have the omega say he loved him – well, that _definitely_ made his afternoon. Hell, his _whole weekend_.

Hell, he thought, _his whole goddamn year_.

His police buddy Frank was there, along with two others from the force, Stan and Bill, all alphas. He explained his lateness away with vague references to “working on a case” – felt the stab of guilt, the clench in his stomach at the lie – and endured the ribbing and teasing about being a “workaholic.” It took the sheen from his previous good mood off ever-so-slightly, made him shift uncomfortably on his chair, made his smile a little forced, his laughter a little fake.

But the teasing died away and they fell into their usual, easy camaraderie, drinking beers and talking, and eventually Jensen relaxed once more, leant back in his chair and enjoyed the cool beer, the feel of being surrounded by friends.

 That is, until Frank, who’d been looking at Stan, glanced in the direction the other alpha was looking. He made a face, then turned and promptly smacked Stan on the arm. Stan yelped and jerked a little.

‘The hell man?’ he glowered.

‘You sleazy fucker,’ Frank crowed. ‘Pervin’ on those ‘megas. What are they, twelve?’

And Jensen felt a little prickle of unease down his spine, didn’t like the direction this conversation might take. His eyes instantly went to where they were looking, and zeroed in the two giggly looking young girls at the bar, nudging and chittering. They were clearly under 21, had snuck in, and looked… well. Looked about eighteen. Looked about Jared’s age.

‘Wasn’t pervin’,’ Stan huffed, glaring. ‘Was actually thinkin’ we should be flashin’ our badges and tellin’ them that they and their fake ID’s need to get the hell outta here.’

‘Nu-uh, off duty,’ Bill shook his head. ‘And don’t ruin their fun man.’

Stan scowled. ‘Fun – they’re too young t’be out alone, all sorts of creeps out there.’

‘Like you?’ Frank jumped back into the conversation.

‘Shuddup dickhead,’ Stan punched his arm. ‘I wasn’t pervin’ on them dammit! Christ, I’m not some old sleazy alpha pickin’ up kids.’

And Jensen stared at his beer bottle, gripped it so tight his knuckles were white.

 _It’s not the same,_ he repeated over and over. _It’s not the same. It’s not the same_.

A hand thumped on his shoulder and Jensen jumped in his seat, startled, head jerking up. JD grinned down at him through his salt-and-pepper beard, a beer clutched in one hand.

‘Hey, kiddo’ he greeted him.

In spite of himself, Jensen relaxed a little, smiled at his mentor and friend. ‘Hey, JD, didn’t know you were comin’ tonight.’

JD eased himself into the seat beside Jensen, nodded his hello at the other three alphas.

‘Wasn’t sure I _was_ comin’,’ he answered, taking a sip of his beer. ‘But Sam’s workin’ on a big case an’…’

‘And she kicked you out of the house?’ Jensen supplied with a smile.

JD laughed. ‘Said I was too distractin’’ he grinned.

Jensen laughed. ‘Same thing with – ’

And he stopped, froze a little, because – because, _Christ_ , he’d been about to say “ _same thing with Jared_ ” but JD didn’t _know_ Jared, didn’t know he was even dating someone – and he panicked a moment, tried to think of how to finish the sentence, how to backtrack –

‘ – thing… same thing as last time,’ he finished finally, awkwardly, ‘uh. The last time she had a big case. The same thing. She. Uh. Yeah.’

He took a sip of beer, avoided JD’s gaze. JD arched an eyebrow.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘How much you had to drink, kid?’

Jensen laughed, grasped the excuse. ‘Enough that this’ll be my last’ he replied.

JD grinned, took a swig of his beer. The others were still talking and Jensen wasn’t sure if they’d moved on from the omegas at the bar, but before he could reconcentrate on their talk, JD spoke again.

‘Sam and I…’ he began. ‘We been talkin’…’

Jensen looked at his friend, raised an eyebrow questioningly. JD shrugged, rubbed the back of his neck.

‘We’re thinkin’… well, Sam, she’s talkin’ about maybe making this case she’s workin’ on the last one for a bit. Last big case she takes on, I mean.’

Jensen’s brows knitted together. ‘How come?’

‘Well…’ JD took a sip of his beer, swirled it in his mouth a moment, then swallowed. ‘We were thinkin’ of finally trying for kids. Thinkin’ of taking some time off to concentrate on startin’ a family.’

Jensen jolted a moment, before his face broke into a smile and he promptly slapped JD on the back heartily. ‘Bout time, man!’ he laughed. ‘How long you been talkin’ bout it? Years now! Bout god damn time!’

JD flapped a hand. ‘All right, all right. I know. We just… well. Work, you know how it is. Always seemed to be another case for her, or for me. But… you know. We’re not gettin’ any younger. And we both really want kids… so. Yeah. Been talkin’ bout taking a step back from work, the both of us, get started on buildin’ a family.’

‘That’s great, man, it really is’ Jensen told him.

‘Well, you’ll be even more pleased ta know, if I’m takin’ a step back, gonna need someone to take a step up to replace me,’ he eyed his friend, ‘you reckon you’re up for it?’

‘Me?’ Jensen jolted. ‘Seriously? You want me to take over while you’re on paternity leave?’

‘Can’t think of anyone I’d rather’ JD replied.

‘Well… fucking, of course!’ Jensen exclaimed. ‘I – yeah. God. Of-fuckin’-course, man!’

JD laughed. ‘Thought you’d say that. But hey, don’t get ahead of yourself yet,’ he leant back in his chair. ‘Sam’s still gotta finish up her case and. Y’know. I still gotta get her knocked up.’

Jensen laughed. ‘Well, that’s the fun part, right?’ he leered.

JD swatted him on the back of his head. ‘Watch it, kiddo’ he reprimanded with a grin.

Before they could continue the conversation, Frank, Stan and Bill butted in and the moment, the topic was forgotten momentarily. But Jensen settled back in his chair, happy and content, feeling like things were going good, were working out.

_Things were good._

Of course…

Of course, he didn’t know, at the time, that in six months time he and Jared would no longer be together.

He didn’t know, at the time, that in eight months, a driver would fall asleep at the wheel, crash into JD’s car and kill the alpha instantly, before he and Sam ever got the chance to start the family they wanted.

He didn’t know that whatever future he was planning for himself in that moment would never come to pass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I hope it's not going too slow for people - the next chapter is a short interlude, but reveals a bit about the three years they spent apart, then the chapter afterwards is the breakup (oh the angst!) so... uh, I guess, it IS going somewhere, I promise! The whole thing is plotted chapter by chapter already so it's not like this will go nowhere. I'm probably stressing for no reason. Ignore me! Like I said - too much coffee >.<


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't remember if the last chapter I thanked everyone for the comments and kudos, and whilst I'm totally aware I can super easily check that, I really can't be bothered so I'm just going to say it here instead: thank you so much to anyone who has kudos'd or commented! :) It makes my day! I try to reply to as many comments as I can, but I'm a bit of a shy awkward turtle, so please, please don't be upset if I don't reply to every one, or if it takes me a few days to reply. I do read & appreciate every single one, even if my shy brain prevents me from interacting sometimes!  
> Anywho! This chapter is a bit short, sorry, but I promise to make the next few extra long just to make up for it.

_**** PRESENT DAY**** _

Life fell into a routine of sorts for Jensen the following two weeks.

He worked the front desk, got the hang of the phones, managed to sound a _little_ less like he was going to kill anyone who called up, and even started to navigate the world of emailing (although _that_ was a gruelling three days of Gen attempting to train him that Jensen would rather forget). He started to remember exactly why he’d loved spending time with Sam and JD all those years ago, and although there was a pang in his chest at the absence of the bearded alpha whenever he spend time with Sam, he still found himself enjoying more and more dinners with the beta, rather than eating alone locked away in his room. He started to get used to Gen and her youthful exuberance and rampant enthusiasm about, well, most things in life. The beta had a tendency to talk a mile a minute, leaving Jensen squandering in the dust five sentences behind her, but she was smart as a whip and passionate about equal rights, with the innate ability to launch into a rant about _anything_ at the slightest provocation. It was amusing to get her started, Jensen found out, and there were a few afternoons he sat back in his chair and listened to an impassioned speech by the beta as she gesticulated wildly over the front desk. It was a way to pass the time, he figured.

His hip was getting better, and he rarely needed his cane, something for which he was thankful when the first alpha came in through the front door, bristling and ranting about a mateship Sam had helped dissolve a few months ago. Jensen had risen to his full height, squared his broad shoulders and glowered at the alpha. The alpha hadn’t quite been deterred, still demanding to see Sam, and when he’d started referring to her as the “ _beta bitch_ ” Jensen promptly grabbed the alpha by the collar and hauled him, ignoring the twinge of his hip, to the door and shoved him out, a growl rumbling low in his chest, eyes fierce and talking of breaking the alpha’s “ _goddamn kneecaps_ ” if he came round again. The alpha took the hint and scarpered away, still shooting glares over his shoulder.

It was worth the ache in his hip from over-exertion and he and Sam had toasted (he with diet coke, she with wine) that evening to his success.

The next time an alpha came round, Jensen had risen to full height and prepared to intimidate the tallish, solid, dark-haired, blue-eyed alpha, only to be met with an amused smile. Jensen had been about to toss the alpha out on his ass, just purely for the fact that he was annoyingly unintimidated, only to find out it was Misha Collins, the other alpha who helped Sam from time to time. The alpha was somewhat of a puzzle to Jensen, very un-alpha like in his tendency to hug and touch, his quiet tone of voice and the fact that, as he told Jensen, he “deplored violence of any variety.”

‘Once an alpha came in and called Sam the c-word and Misha punched him so hard he broke his nose and went flat on his back’ Gen had piped up after this proclamation.

 _Apparently,_ Misha went on to explain, “ _of any variety_ ” was a variable term, really, not fixed at all.

All in all, things were settling. The ache for alcohol was there – he knew it probably would be for a very long time. You didn’t come out of three years spend in the dregs of a bottle of alcohol just to be free from cravings two weeks after detoxing. There were still nights he woke, sweating through his sheets, desperate and wanting. He still gazed longingly at the wine Gen and Sam sipped on Fridays after work, could almost taste the beer Misha once cracked into when he was chatting to the betas one evening. It was better, of course, but it was still there.

And he hadn’t seen Jared since the time in the kitchen.

The omega was an expert in avoidance, in slipping under the radar, Jensen knew. A talent picked up in school to avoid bullies and honed in a life spent trying to avoid being the target of hate, of abuse, or unwanted advances. For all his six foot five inch height, the omega could slink in the shadows with the best of them. It hurt and the vague ache in the centre of his chest that had been there for three years suddenly felt raw, open, fresh once more. The fact that Jared couldn’t stand to even be _near_ him, or _see_ him, or _talk_ to him…

Yeah, it _hurt_.

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected when he’d found out that Jared was staying under the same roof. Well, he _knew_ he hadn’t exactly expected a warm welcome, an open-armed hug, smiles and easy camaraderie. _But_ the total silence, the cold-shoulder, the complete and total removal of Jensen from Jared’s life… it was a far more intense reaction than he’d anticipated.

 _But it’s what you deserve,_ he told himself firmly. _It’s what you deserve_.

It was late on the Friday night of Jensen’s third week at Sam’s and the alpha felt restless, twitchy. He'd been trying to read a book in his bedroom – he was yet to obtain a television for his room, but he had discovered a second-hand bookshop nearby and bought himself a pile of novels to keep himself occupied at night – but his mind felt jumpy, unfocused. His fingers twitched and his muscles felt tense.

It was one of _those_ nights; one of those nights where his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of alcohol, where he craved the brief euphoria and false contentment alcohol bestowed upon him, where he longed for the pleasant numbness, the stilling of his restless thoughts.

He put his book to one side, got up, giving himself a shake. Sam was out, or else he’d have gone to see the beta, just for something to keep his mind preoccupied. She’d said something about a client meeting that she had, but had seemed strangely evasive when he’d pressed for details. He wondered if she had a date. The thought jolted him, made him reel a little. But it stood to reason, didn’t it? JD had been gone more than two and a half years. They’d been mated, sure, but with the alpha now dead, Sam was free to date, wasn’t she? He couldn’t begrudge her seeking out companionship, could he?

These types of swirling thoughts did _not_ help his ache for the numbing qualities of alcohol.

He’d get something to eat, he decided. Make something in the kitchen. Food was a good distraction. He grabbed for his cane, his hip a little stiff and made his way out into the hallway. It probably wasn’t good to be using food in the place of alcohol – god knows he couldn’t work out like he used to and the affects of that were already showing on his body – it was a fast track to having him ballooning out really. He recalled smokers on the police force who were trying to give up smoking moaning that quitting made them gain weight, and wondered if this was the same thing. Replacing one addiction for the other.

 _Fine._ He’d make a salad or something, he decided. That would be ok, right?

Only, when he approached the kitchen, his walk slowed more, his head tilted to one side. There were voices from the kitchen, and he recognised a burst of laughter that was Gen’s, rapidly dissolving into a fit of giggles. It made him smile, and he sped up his walk a little, thinking that perhaps Sam was back, perhaps she and her beta intern were hanging in the kitchen – it would be the perfect distraction, listening to the two chatter. Then there was another laugh, a different laugh – and Jensen recognised it instantly, stopped dead in his tracks. It was a laugh he hadn’t heard in three years and in his mind’s eye he could still visualise the thrown back head, the white teeth, dimples cutting deep curves into cheeks and dancing hazel eyes.

_Jared._

For a moment, Jensen contemplated turning around and heading back up to his room. From the sounds of laughter and giggling, Gen and Jared were obviously having a good time. He could only imagine if he walked in how it would go – could already see how Jared’s face would shut down, how that dead, blank look would re-enter his eyes, how the smile would fade away. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t go in there and kill their good time. He _should_ go back up to his room. He _should_.

Only…

 _Only_ he hadn’t seen Jared since he’d run into him in the kitchen. And… he hadn’t seen Jared _smile_ since… well, since _three goddamn years ago_. And he wanted – _how he wanted_. He couldn’t satisfy the craving for alcohol thrumming in his veins, _but_ maybe – _maybe_ , he could allay his other, deeper craving, if only just a little.

He crept to the kitchen doorway, conscious of not making a noise, conscious of not letting his cane tap loudly on the floorboards. He reached the doorway, the light of the kitchen spilling into the hallway, angled himself into the shadows, hid himself from prying eyes, and peered into the kitchen.

There was a three-quarters empty bottle of red wine on the table, and two semi-full glasses in front of Gen and Jared. The wine had stained Gen’s lips a tell-tale purplish colour, and Jensen could see the shading of colour on her teeth as she laughed. She was still clad in her clothes from work, but her hair was free from it’s usual bun, and she’d slipped off her heels, her bare feet tucked beneath her as she perched on the chair. But Jensen’s eyes ghosted only briefly over her, settling on Jared.

Jared, who was long and lean in his chair, a little slumped, with his incredibly long legs swung up on the spare kitchen chair so he could sprawl out comfortably. There was a red flush high on his cheekbones, an indication Jensen knew from experience that he’d had a few glasses of wine already, and the faint stain of purple clung to his lips as well. His hair was in messy fluffs around his face. And his face… his face was almost _Jared_. Almost _his_ Jared. _His_ Jared from three years ago – relaxed and open, a faint sparkle in his hazel eyes, lips curved into a smile and dimples appearing in his cheeks. There was still something heavy, guarded and sad behind the hazel depths, but it was definitely more _his_ Jared than he’d seen in their interaction in the kitchen.

It made his heart ache.

‘-nononono,’ Gen was saying, waving a hand energetically as she talked, almost knocking over her wine glass. ‘You gotta choose – you _gotta,_ Jay!’

There was a tiny twinge in Jensen’s chest at the casual use of the nickname he used to call Jared. He was pretty sure he was the last person Jared would let call him that now.

Jared, meanwhile, was chuckling, shaking his head. ‘ _Gen_ – ’ he protested.

‘Nu-uh,’ Gen was giggling now, ‘gotta answer – fuck, marry, kill: Brad Pitt, Channing Tatum and Tom Hiddelston.’

Jared’s face flamed red even beyond the flush of alcohol and he groaned, dropping his head into his head. ‘You’re incorrigible’ Jensen heard his muffled voice say.

Gen dissolved into cackles, taking intermittent swallows of her wine, and Jensen was so entranced, _so_ caught up in watching this scene – this happy, relaxed scene of normalcy between friends. _So_ _yearning_ to be in the place of Gen, to have Jared look at him with the same fondly exasperated smiling look he was giving her. _So_ much _all_ of this, that he didn’t realise Sam had returned home, had entered through the door, had walked right up behind him in the doorway until the beta gently touched his shoulder, causing him to jump and jolt like he’d been electrocuted, body twisting around instinctively, sending a shooting pain up his hip at the angle.

‘ _Fuck_!’ he cursed, hand flying to his hip.

Sam took a step back, holding up her hands, head titled to one side. ‘Easy, big guy’ she said, a wry smile on her lips.

Jensen sucked in a breath and paused to see if his exclamation had alerted Jared and Gen to his presence, but it appeared his words had been lost in Gen’s loud laughter, and he could hear the conversation continuing on undeterred in the kitchen.

‘Sorry, you – you, ah, startled me’ he told Sam, turning properly to face her, keeping his voice low.

Sam raised an eyebrow. ‘Any reason why you’re lurking out here in the hallway eavesdropping?’

‘I _wasn’t_ – ’ Jensen objected, face heating up, before he realised his voice had risen, and he quickly stopped, dropping his tone again. ‘I wasn’t eavesdroppin’… I jus’… I was gonna get some food –’

‘But then you decided hiding in the hallway was a better idea?’ Sam interrupted.

‘Not hidin’’ Jensen snapped.

‘You’re even whispering right now,’ Sam pointed out. ‘You’re hiding.’

Jensen gusted out a sigh, ran a hand down his face and started to limp around Sam. ‘I – I just don’t want to interrupt – an' - it - never mind - look - listen, I’m probably jus’ gonna go to be – ’

‘Jensen,’ Sam had followed him down the hallway, and she placed a hand on his elbow. ‘I’m sure if you wanted to join Gen and Jared –’

Jensen couldn’t help the snort. ‘No, that’s not gonna – ’

‘Because of Jared?’ Sam interrupted, and her blue eyes were boring into him now.

Jensen shrugged off the hand on his elbow. ‘Sam…’ he sighed.

‘I’m starting to think that you two “not knowing each other very well” is a load of bullshit’ Sam crossed her arms over her chest, arched an eyebrow.

Jensen almost laughed at the look on her face – sudden memories bubbling to the surface of the same look being directed at her impossibly tall, foreboding-looking alpha mate – who subsequently used to cower beneath her stare. The urge to laugh died almost as quick as it came, replaced by a sort of aching sadness that usually accompanied the bittersweet memories of JD. The bittersweet memories of his past.

‘You knew each other well, didn’t you’ it wasn’t a question, and Sam had softened her look a little.

‘We were… together’ Jensen admitted finally, softly.

Sam didn’t look surprised, but her face took on a thoughtful edge. ‘I always… you know I don’t exactly advertise,’ she said. ‘It’s too… well, dangerous. Putting myself and the type of cases and work I do out there too much. So any advertising is minimal. I try to… well, word of mouth is a godsend for me I guess. And the thing was… when… when Jared contacted me,’ Sam huffed a little, lifted one shoulder in a shrug, ‘there was no conceivable connection. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how he’d found me; he hadn’t been referred by anyone I knew, hadn’t been given my business card, and he let slip he’d never seen the advertisements. It stumped me, really,’ she paused, locked eyes with Jensen, ‘but now… now I think… he knew about me, about me being a lawyer from you, right? From when you two were… together?’

Jensen nodded slowly, then he opened his mouth. ‘Sam – ’

And Sam’s face twisted a little, as if she anticipated what he was going to ask. ‘Jen, don’t – ’ she started.

‘Why’s Jared here?’ Jensen overrode her. ‘Sam, I… it’s been drivin’ me crazy not knowin.’ I just – can’t you – ’

‘Jen, you _know_ I can’t’ Sam was shaking her head.

Jensen grabbed her arm, could hear the pleading in his voice. ‘Sam, _please,_ c’mon, I’m… I’m fuckin’ _killin’_ myself worryin.’ You gotta… is it… is it somethin’ bad? Please – you gotta – ’

Sam extracted herself from his grip. ‘Jensen, I _can’t_ ,’ she said firmly. ‘I’m sorry, but it’s… I can’t. It goes against my principles, against my confidentiality clause and… it’s… it’s just not my story to tell. I’m sorry, Jen.’

Her blue eyes were earnest, sympathetic, and Jensen knew she truly did feel for him. He felt his shoulders slump a little, reached up to rub his face.

‘You should ask Jared,’ Sam said softly. ‘You should talk to him.’

‘Easier said than done,’ Jensen snorted, dropping his hand to roll his eyes. ‘He won’t even be in the same room as me. Sam, I… it didn’t… it didn’t end well. We…’ he stopped, shook his head, ‘no, fuck, that’s not fair. It’s not “ _we_.” It’s _me_. I didn’t… I didn’t end things well.’

Sam sighed a little. ‘I…’ she trailed off a moment, then took a breath. ‘I’m not going to give you a big speech about how… how I learnt the hard way that people and… opportunities are fleeting. And that you can… lose things in an instant. God knows you know that as much as I do. What I _am_ going to tell is you is that this… guilt you’re carrying, and the… the hurt and anger Jared is… it’s not healthy, ok? For _either_ of you. And if you have the chance to… to get some sort of closure, to clear the air – you take it ok?’

She gazed at him steadily a moment and suddenly Jensen could see how she would be a formidable force in a courtroom, how she could make criminals tremble and break.

‘ _Talk to him_ , Jensen’ she said firmly, sternly.

Then she was gone, heading past him up at the stairs and leaving Jensen standing at the bottom with a head buzzing with _more_ thoughts than he’d started the night with.

 _And didn’t that just fucking suck,_ he thought.

 

**

 

It was funny that Sam had explicitly told him to talk to Jared that Friday night, because it was the very next morning that Jensen actually had the opportunity to do so.

He had to make a mental note to ask her if she was secretly physic.

Although, really, it probably had _less_ to do with Sam’s apparent physic powers, and _more_ to do with the fact that Gen and Jared had clearly cracked into another bottle after Jensen had retired to bed, the omega had always been a notorious lightweight, was probably very tired and more-than-slightly hungover, was therefore not paying close attention that morning and, well, there was also just plain coincidence.

Whatever the reason, the next morning, early on the Saturday, Jensen limped into the kitchen for a coffee and startled a little when he realised Jared was sitting at the kitchen table, rumbled and sleep-soft, hair a mess and looking a little worse for wear. His heart leapt in his chest, twisted a little and Jensen sucked in a sharp breath. At the noise, Jared blinked, glanced up and saw Jensen. His face registered surprise, mouth parted and he sat up straight, tensed and half rose as if to run from the room.

Jensen took an automatic step forward, opening his mouth.

‘Can we – ’ Jensen started.

‘I was just – ’ Jared muttered at the same time.

The omega made an aborted attempt to leave, eyes on the ground, and Jensen stepped, blocked the exit.

‘Jared’ he said.

Jared stopped, glanced up, met Jensen’s eyes once, before his gaze instantly moved over his shoulder somewhere.

‘I’ve got to – ’ he started quietly.

‘Avoid me?’ Jensen interrupted.

Jared’s shoulders were tense. ‘Please move out of the way.’

‘No, I – I – ’ Jensen ran an agitated hand through his hair. ‘I’m not going to move. I need – we need – to talk – ’

‘No’ Jared started to shake his head

. ‘Yes! _Yes_! I can’t – god, look, I need to – I need to –’ Jensen stammered, stuttered, then deflated, felt his shoulders slump. ‘I need to tell you I’m sorry. I need… I need to tell you that, Jared. I’m _so sorry_. For – for what happened – for how I – I – I’m sorry – and I – ’

He struggled a moment, rubbed his face. Jared still wasn’t looking at him, his posture was entirely rigid.

‘Is that it?’ the omega’s voice was flat. ‘Are we done now?’

Jensen’s mouth worked soundlessly a moment. ‘I – “ _are we done_ ”? Are you – fuck’s sake, Jay, I’m tryna apologise – ’

‘And now you have,’ Jared said curtly. ‘So if you could – ’

Anger flared in Jensen, hot and quick. ‘Fuck – Jesus – why are you – why are you being a _dick_?’

He regretted it the moment the words slipped out, but at the very least it got Jared to look at his face, a looked of incredulity in the omega’s eyes.

 _‘Really_?’ his voice was harsh. ‘Really, _you're_ calling _me_  – ’

‘ _No,_ shit, sorry, that’s not – ’ Jensen rubbed his face. ‘Shit, this isn’t – nothing’s comin’ out right –’

‘What do you _want_ , Jensen?’ Jared threw up both hands. ‘What do you _want_ from me?’

‘I – ’ Jensen opened his mouth, felt his throat close.

 _What did he want_? He _wanted_ to apologise. He _wanted_ forgiveness. He wanted… he _wanted to go back in time and never had ended things with Jared_. He wanted to go back in time and prevent himself from ever fucking up his entire life.

What did he want _from Jared_?

 _You,_ Jensen thought, and suddenly he couldn’t look at Jared’s face. _I just want you, I never stopped wanting you, I always wanted you, I –_

Jensen’s gaze moved, from Jared’s face, dropped as his thoughts raced, as Jared waited for his answer, as the tension hung thick, his gaze moved and – and snagged Stopped. Stopped at Jared’s neck. And he hadn’t… he hadn’t _seen_ before. Hadn’t _looked_ maybe. Hadn’t _wanted to see_ maybe.

But he _saw_ now.

He saw the claiming mark, clear as day on Jared’s neck.

The claiming mark that had definitely not been there three years ago.

For a second the breath gusted from Jensen’s mouth like a punch to the gut and his world skewered sideways, tilted and he felt a surge of dizziness sweep over him. For a second, Jensen couldn’t _think_ , couldn’t _move,_ couldn’t do _anything_.

Jared seem to notice the colour draining from his face, seemed to notice the way his face changed, and then the omega noticed where Jensen was looking. In an instant, Jared’s face shut down – Jared’s _everything_ seemed to shut down. His eyes, his entire demeanour taking on that horrible, flat deadness.

‘Whatever you want, Jensen,’ his voice was quiet, and Jensen could hear, could feel pain behind it.

And the sadness. _So much sadness_.

‘Whatever you want, I can’t give it to you. Not anymore.’

Then Jared was moving past him and Jensen let him, couldn’t have stopped him even if he’d wanted to, his body still locked up. His brain still trying to process, to come to terms with the _one single, glaring fact_ that he had _never_ considered, the one, single, glaring fact he’d, for some _stupid, stupid_ reason he’d never even _thought_ of.

Jared had a mate.

Jared was mated now.

 _Jared had a mate now_ , and it wasn’t him, because he’d lost that chance three years ago.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, quick disclaimer: I know nothing of the American schooling system and it seems all very confusing to me when I try to look it up online, so... uh, please suspend your belief for the parts that reference that. In Australia, you graduate secondary or what we call "high school" at seventeen, then attend "university" to get your degree at eighteen, soooo, that's the assumption I'm working on haha - sorry if I'm wrong!! >.<

_****THREE YEARS AGO**** _

Jensen was bone-weary and tired. He wanted nothing more than to head straight home and collapse into bed. It was nearing on 2am and he was at the tail end of a hell of a shift, that included booking a sixteen year old alpha for possession of heroin – a sixteen year old alpha who was _not_ pleased to be dragged down to the station, all cuss words and aggression, grating on Jensen’s already worn thin patience.

He arrived at the station, offloaded the still snarling, spitting, strung out alpha, and all but stumbled to his desk, collapsing to his chair, closing his eyes and rubbing a tired hand down his face. He _should_ write up his report, _should_ get it over and done with now, he _should_ \- but _damn_ if leaving, going home and hurling himself into bed didn’t sound _much_ more appealing.

‘You look like shit, Ackles’ a voice said.

Jensen opened his eyes and levelled a glower at Stan as he swaggered over. ‘Fuck you too, Stan’ he replied mildly.

Stan hopped up on the desk, looking far too awake and chipper for Jensen’s liking.

‘Hey, easy tiger, just cause you’re gettin’ too old to be doin’ the night shifts’ Stan grinned.

Jensen rolled his eyes. ‘Same age as you, asshole’ he growled.

‘Ah, but s’about how young y’are in here,’ Stan patted his chest. ‘ _That’s_ what counts.’

‘Did you want somethin’?’ Jensen sighed, straightening in his chair.

Stan caught sight of Frank heading their way, two cups of the black sludge they called coffee clutched in his hands and waved a hand.

‘Nah,’ he shrugged. ‘Jus’ enjoy annoyin’ you.’

Frank arrived, passed Stan a cup and blew on his own cup. He nodded a head in greeting to Jensen.

‘Everythin’ all finished up then?’ Stan asked Frank.

‘Almost,’ Frank answered. ‘Mitch is jus’ finishin’ up the kid’s statement now.’

‘You guys have an eventful night or somethin’?’ Jensen asked.

‘Ehhh,’ Stan gave a one-shouldered shrug. ‘Robbery. Dodgy part of town. Par for the course really.’

‘No one hurt?’ Jensen prompted.

‘Kid got roughed up a little,’ Frank supplied. ‘But nothin’ serious.’

Stan snorted. ‘S’own fault really,’ he grumbled. What’s an omega doin’ tryna fight against an alpha anyway? Stupid kid. An’ for what? To save the place from bein’ robbed a few measly dollars? How much would a café have in the register anyway? Kid shoulda just stepped aside, let ‘em take the dosh and that’s it.’

It didn’t click – Jensen didn’t make the immediate connection. An omega, working in a café in the dodgy part of town. That was a dime a dozen. There was _no way_ his mind could have instantly jumped to the right conclusion.

‘Blame the victim, real good police work, Stan’ Frank rolled his eyes.

Stan spread his hands. ‘Not blamin’ anyone! Jus’ sayin’, kid like that, should know better.’

‘Kid like that?’ Frank echoed, raising an eyebrow.

‘Y’know,’ Stan shrugged. ‘The… y’know, th’omegas who’ve been… _on the streets_ a while. They should know the deal by now.’

Jensen huffed, shook his head. ‘Jesus Christ, Stan, you’re an offensive fucker.’

‘Hey,’ Stan objected. ‘Jus’ tellin’ it how it is.’

‘The kid’s only freshly eighteen,’ Frank said, ‘how do you even know he’s been on th’streets a while?'

‘Got that look about him,’ Stan said. ‘You know. He’s, uh, y’know. Pretty.’

Frank made a gagging noise. ‘Jesus, Stan, don’t be a fuckin’ pervert.’

Stan scowled. ‘I’m _not_! I wouldn’t – Jesus, _I_ wouldn’t, it’s a goddamn kid – but, y’know, there’s some creepy fuckers out there – ’

‘If you’re done makin’ assumptions,’ Mitch’s voice interrupted as the alpha strode up, paperwork in one hand. ‘Kid’s about to start his second year of his degree, you asshole. He works at the café, lives in the Omega Sharehouse. He’s not a hooker, Jesus Christ.’

And it was then – it was _then_ the first trickles of unease started down Jensen’s back – it was _then_ that the amused smile he’d been wearing listening to his police colleagues banter fell from his face. It was _then_ he started to think – to _realise_.

 _Jared_ _was working tonight._

He’d told Jensen that in the morning, when they’d parted ways.

 _Jared_ – an omega, in college – was working at a café that night.

 _That’s a dime a dozen_ , he told himself firmly, _don’t make assumptions. Jesus Ackles, get a grip_.

‘That’s what he tells _you_ ,’ Stan was still talking. ‘Like the kid’s gonna tell a cop he’s a hooker. _College_? The kid just turned eighteen. How’s he in his _second_ year then? Huh? Answer me that?’

 _Just turned eighteen_. _See_ , Jensen told himself, _see_ – Jared just turned _nineteen. It’s not him, it’s not him_.

‘I don’t fuckin’ know,’ Mitch rolled his eyes, ‘Jesus, I didn’t ask his life story, just for what happened with the robbery tonight.’

‘He right to get home?’ Frank asked.

Mitch bobbed a head. ‘Said he’s callin’ someone to come get him.’

Which was when – almost _laughably_ on cue, as if the universe _planned_ it – Jensen’s phone in his pocket started to vibrate and his body froze, tensed up. He swallowed, cleared his throat, tried to keep his voice level.

‘Hey, mind if I take a look at the report?’

Mitch glanced at him, blinked, shrugged and handed it over. Jensen took it, put it on his desk and slowly, slowly l _ooked_. Slowly _read_. Slowly _absorbed_.

_Jared Padalecki, omega, aged 18. Reported an alpha, mid-thirties, blonde-haired, had come into the store at approximately midnight, armed with a gun, demanded money. The omega had handed over the money from the register, before attempting, while the alpha was distracted, to knock the gun away. Succeeded, but in the ensuing struggle, the alpha delivered two blows to the omega’s face, knocked him to the ground, then fled the scene._

Jensen stared, felt a surge of emotions. A rush of fear, of anger at the alpha, an urge to run to Jared, to check the omega for hurt, the surge of protectiveness that had him half rise from the chair. A flood of frustration at the damn omega for even trying to wrestle with the alpha. And – _and_ – and _confusion_ because – _because_ if Jared was _eighteen_ , that meant for the past _year_ – the past _year_ of them being together – he had actually been seventeen. _Seventeen_. And Christ – _Christ_ – it was _bad enough_ the age difference before, but _now_ – _god_ – and Jared had _lied_ , had _lied_ to him –

‘You all right, Ackles?’ Mitch was staring at him.

Jensen started, realised he was standing up, clutching the paperwork in his hands.

‘He’s eighteen’ was what came tumbling out.

‘I know,’ Mitch shook his head, taking the file from his hands. ‘Lettin’ a young kid like that work alone in that area. He said somethin’ about an alpha usually bein’ there, but called in sick. Flimsy excuse if y’ask me. Omega like that shouldn’t be alone that time of night, all sorts of creeps and assholes around.’

‘His clientele’ Stan joked.

Mitch whacked him with the paperwork. ‘God, stop with your pervy jokes,’ he rolled his eyes. ‘’Else we’ll start thinkin’ you’re poppin’ a knot for the kid.’

A flare of possessiveness, of anger surged through Jensen and his fists clenched, jaw tightened, biting back a growl. Stan was looking horrified, protestations starting to trip from his tongue, and Jensen felt his phone vibrate again and he –

He needed to leave.

He turned, started to walk away from his desk, his body tense, shoulders tight, feeling _too_ much, _too_ intensely, with _too_ many thoughts.

‘Ackles?’ Frank called out.

‘See y’tomorrow’ Jensen got out gruffly, and pushed outside.

He pulled out his phone, stared at the two missed calls from Jared. Then he sent off a text, telling the omega to meet him around the corner from the police station and started to walk to the meeting spot. The station was out of the sight around the corner, where there was nothing but an empty car park outside of a closed grocery store, the lights dimmed inside, his reflection distorted in the glass windows. The streetlight above him was strong and bright, his shadow stretching long across the sidewalk. He heard Jared approach, the light footsteps and glanced up as the omega drew near.

His chest clenched – a surge of fury and protectiveness – at the sight of the split lip, the blossoming bruise across Jared’s cheekbone and the black eye developing around his eye. He made an aborted move forward, wanting to grab the omega, drag him into his arms, check every inch of him for additional damage, protect him, coddle him –

He stopped, made himself pause. Jared seemed to have no such reservations, was on him in a second, wrapping an arm around him with a smile and ducking his head to kiss Jensen’s lips. The alpha turned his head at the last second, and Jared’s lips met his cheek a little awkwardly. The omega drew back, an expression flitting across his face, smile faltering a moment, then returning.

‘Hey,’ he greeted.

‘Hey’ Jensen’s words came out a gruff grunt.

Jared peered at him, shifted and took a step back. ‘I – uh, sorry it’s so late,’ he said. ‘It’s just – you know, you said you were working late and I – I needed someone to pick me up, and normally I wouldn’t bother you but – but Kim’s sick and – and – and, yeah. I – uh. Sorry.’

Jensen swallowed, nodded slowly. Because it wasn’t an issue, Jared calling him this late, it wasn’t.

It was _everything else_ that was the issue.

‘I suppose you got told what happened tonight?’ Jared gave a crooked-smile.

‘Yeah, they told me’ Jensen managed to get out.

Jared ran a hand through his shaggy locks. ‘Look, I _know_ it was stupid – trying to take on the alpha, but the café owner – he’s an asshole and if he knew Kim had left me there alone he’d go ape shit on her and – well, it wasn’t her fault she couldn’t come in, she’s really sick, and I just didn’t want her to get into trouble and I thought – y’know – I just thought if I could stop the robbery, save the money, then the owner wouldn’t have to know and Kim would be ok and – and I know it was stupid but, yeah. I just. Yeah.’

Jared lapsed into silence and then gave Jensen a little smile. ‘Sorry’ he offered meekly.

‘You lied to me’ it came out of Jensen’s mouth before he could stop it.

‘I – what?’ Jared blinked.

‘You lied to me,’ Jensen started to come back to himself, started to tap into his ever-present wells of anger. ‘You _lied_ to me, Jared. You said you were eighteen. I read the file. You only turned eighteen _recently_.’

Jared’s face flushed, blush staining his cheeks. He huffed. ‘Well, I –’ the omega gave a little laugh. ‘I mean – I didn’t _lie_ , you just _assumed_ I was and I didn’t correct you. It’s not – I mean, come on Jen,’ Jared rolled his eyes a little, ‘it’s not… it’s not a big deal.’

‘Yes it _is_ ,’ Jensen snapped. ‘It is a very big fucking deal, Jared. Because I _thought_ you were _eighteen_ when we started dating – you let me think that! I would _never_ have – I’d have never – ’

‘Well, _exactl_ y,’ Jared scoffed. ‘You’d have never asked me out if you knew I was seventeen! God does it – I mean, what does it matter now, Jensen? I’m eighteen _now_ –’

‘That’s besides the point – how did you – I mean, Christ, did you lie to get into college too? Is it a big fucking secret, your real age?’

Jared narrowed his eyes. ‘ _No_ ,’ he snapped. ‘I got skipped a grade because I was so advanced – _that’s_ how I got into college early. I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about this.’

‘Because – _because_ it _is_ a big deal!’ Jensen insisted, threw his hands in the air. ‘Because –’

‘ _No_ it’s _not_ – I’m eighteen now, you’ve been with me for a _year,_ Jensen, this doesn’t change anything! _God_ you’re just – you’re being _stupid_! Can we just –’ the omega blew out a huge sigh. ‘Can we just go home, ok? I’m tired and tonight’s been... can we go home?’

Jensen stood for a moment, ran a hand down his face. Jared sighed, stepped forward and gently touched his arm.

‘C’mon, Jen, you know this is… I’m _sorry_ , ok, I should’ve… I shouldn’t have lied, or, not told you, or whatever. But it’s… I mean, now it’s… it’s not relevant. I love you, you love me. We can just… let’s just move on, ok?’

‘If the guys on the force had found out – ’ Jensen started.

Something darkened on Jared’s face and he dropped his hand from Jensen’s arm. ‘Right – _right_ – sorry, I forgot – _god forbid_ anyone on the force knows about me – ’

Jensen shot him a look. ‘ _Don’t_ – you _know_ my job – ’

‘ - Means everything to you? Yeah, yeah, I fucking _got_ it, trust me, I _know_ ,’ Jared snapped back. ‘Gotta make sure you keep impressing those douchebags at the station.’

‘Don’t call them that’ Jensen said sharply.

‘Why not?’ Jared crossed his arms over his chest. ‘They _are_ douchebags. They’re assholes.’

‘They’re my – ’

‘- Friends? _Please_ , Jensen, they’re not your friends,’ Jared cut in. ‘If they _were_ your friends they wouldn’t care you’d been sticking it to a seventeen year old for a year – ’

‘ _Shut up_!’ Jensen shot a look around the car park. ‘Don’t – don’t _say_ shit like that –’

‘Oh for – there’s _no one_ here, Jensen!’ Jared threw up his hands. ‘ _No one_ is going to hear me! Are you _that_ goddamn paranoid? Are you that – I mean – fuck, Jensen, _fuck_ – you tell me – you tell me I’m not your dirty little secret, but then you don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t go near me in public – ’

‘Well, apparently I was right not to considering basically this whole time you were seventeen!’ Jensen burst out.

‘ _Will you let it go_? _Christ_ , it doesn’t even matter now –’

‘You lied to me – ’ Jensen insisted.

‘I lied to you? _I lied to you_?’ Jared stepped forward and Jensen had never seen the omega so riled up, eyes glittering. ‘Ok – ok, I lied to you – I _did_. But you want to talk flaws, Jensen? You want to talk about _that_ kinda shit? How about _you_ hiding me from all your friends? How about _you_ never letting me visit your home? How about _you_ pretending I don’t even _exist_ outside of us together? _Huh_? How about all that?’

‘You _know_ why I – ’ Jensen huffed. ‘I – my job – ’

‘Your _all-important_ job – ’ Jared interjected sarcastically.

‘ _Christ,_ Jared, I’ve wanted to be a cop since I was – since I was a fucking kid, I can’t – I _won’t_ let anything – I _can’t_ have anything – ’

‘But I’m _not_ “ _anything_ ”!’ Jared burst out. ‘ _I’m not just “anything_ ”, Jensen! I’m – you’re _supposed_ to – you _love_ me! And it – I don’t – ’

The omega struggled, started to blink rapidly, eyes growing wet, mouth trembling. Jensen felt cold all over, not just from the night air, could feel his chest heaving a little, his breathing a little heavier than normal, his body shaking. _This wasn’t – this was all spiralling_ –

‘Jensen –’ Jared started, and his voice was a little choked.

‘Ackles?’

Both of them jumped, turning, startled. Jensen’s stomach plummeted and he felt his mouth go dry with fear when he saw Stan approaching, eyebrow arched.

_Fuck, fuck – how much had he heard – how long had he been there –_

‘Stan’ he got out.

‘Everythin’ ok, bud?’ Stan eyed Jared, who had quickly looked to one side, away. ‘I heard – I could hear shoutin’ man. Is everythin’…’

He paused, then moved a little closer to Jensen, dropped his voice a little, but Jensen could tell Jared could still hear.

‘This omega givin’ you trouble?’ he asked lowly.

Jensen blinked a little, startled. ‘I – what – no!’ he rushed to say. 'That's - no - no, _definitel_ y not - '

Stan pulled back a little, squinted. ‘Do you – do you know each other or somethin’?’

‘ _No_ ,’ the word was too loud, too emphatic and Jensen knew he’d regret it, he knew it. ‘No, I – no. I don’t – I don’t – I was jus’… I was jus’.. checkin’ to make sure. You know. That someone came for him.’

‘Ah,’ Stan seemed appeased. ‘Right. Hey listen, sounds like the kid was yellin’ a bit, but don’t take it to heart man, you know how omegas are. All tha’,’ Stan gestured to his head, ‘the hysterics.’

He tipped Jensen a wink. Jensen felt a little sick.

‘Yeah. Yeah I… yeah’ he said weakly.

‘You want me to wait with him instead?’ Stan offered.

‘No I – no, I got this man,’ Jensen tried to smile, felt it contort his face into more of a grimace. ‘I – you go on home, ok?’

Stan studied him a moment, then gave a grin and a nod. ‘Don’t blame you,’ he ducked his head and his voice dropped to a whisper. ‘Like I said, he’s pretty huh? Jus’ remember, keep it PG Ackles, no hittin’ on the minor.’

It was meant as a joke, and Jared wasn’t even a minor, but everything – _everything_ about the sentence, about the leer on Stan’s face, his words, made Jensen feel sick. Sick, torn between wanting to punch his friend for making the joke, his alpha growling for justice, and purely, simply torn with too many thoughts in his head. Stan was already walking away, laughing as he went and after he’d vanished around the corner the two stood in silence for a moment.

Jared drew in a shaky breath, swiped at his eyes. ‘Nice _friend_ ,’ his voice was quiet.

‘Jared…’ Jensen sighed.

‘Good thing this omega didn’t pipe up and blow your cover huh?’ Jared’s smile was brittle and bitter. ‘With all my hysterics.’

Jensen closed his eyes, ran a hand down his face.

‘I can’t…’ he choked a little. ‘ _Fuck_ , I can’t _do_ this.’

Jared’s brittle smile dropped and the omega sighed. ‘I – yeah I know. It’s late we – this isn’t the right place to have this conversation,’ he shook his head a little. ‘We should – we should just go home, talk about this when we’re less tired, when – ’

‘ _No_ , Jared, not this conversation,’ Jensen opened his eyes. ‘I can’t do _this_.’

Jared sucked in a breath, sharp and painful-sounding. ‘Jensen, what – ’

Jensen could feel the heavy sick feeling in his stomach and his chest felt tight, _too tight_ , like someone was squeezing, crushing him. His throat was tight, blocked and he couldn’t – he tried to look at Jared’s face, tried to meet those hazel eyes – but _he couldn’t_ – he couldn’t look at Jared – _he couldn’t_ – god, he just _couldn’t_ anymore - couldn’t _anything_ –

‘I just think,’ and his words were so thick, and tight and left a sour taste in his mouth, ‘I just think maybe we need to – to take a break – to – to –’

‘ _No_ ,’ Jared made a sudden move forward. ‘No – don’t you – don’t you do this. God, Jen. Please – don’t – don’t do this.’

He felt Jared’s hand clutch at his arm.

‘Just – just – I just think we need to – to - ’ Jensen tried to keep talking, stared somewhere in the distance, could feel his eyes burning.

Jared’s grip tightened painfully on his arm. ‘Don’t – fucking – _look at me_ ,’ his voice was getting louder, higher. ‘Fucking _look at me_ – you fucking _look_ at me, Jensen!’

But Jensen’s head wouldn’t move, couldn’t move – he _couldn’_ t look at the omega – he _couldn’t_ because then he’d break - he’d break and cave and he _needed_ to be strong – he _needed_ to do this – for both of them, _for both of them_ –

Hands grabbed his chin, wrenched his head down and suddenly Jensen was looking into watery, wet hazel eyes, wild with pain and panic and fear and he felt something shatter, something break in his chest –

‘I love you,’ the words forced themselves from Jared’s mouth, ‘I _love_ you. Don’t do this Jensen.’

‘You don’t,’ someone was talking and Jensen was amazed that it was him, amazed that he could even talk when he was looking into those broken hazel eyes, that he could even sound like that when he felt like something was tearing inside him, ‘you don’t. You’re so young, Jared, _so young_ , you don’t even –’

Jared’s face twisted. ‘ _Fuck you_ ,’ he spat, viciously, angry, ‘don’t you fucking _dare_ – don’t you fucking _dare_ diminish _my_ feelings for you to make yourself feel better – _don’t you dare_ – I _love_ you – _I love you Jensen_ , and _you_ love me and that is _all_ that matters – you _know_ it is. _Nothing_ else matters.’

 _This is for the best_ , a calm voice was speaking in Jensen’s head, totally out of place in the wild tearing and cracking and breaking that seemed to be happening in the rest of his body. _This is for the best._

Jared was so young. _So young_. And he’d find someone… someone _better_. Who didn’t have to hide him. Who’d celebrate him how he should be celebrated. And Jensen – Jensen would be chief of police. Would rise and rise in the ranks and isn’t that what he always wanted?

_Isn’t it?_

‘Jensen!’ Jared shook his arm.

‘I don’t’ came out of Jensen’s mouth.

‘You – you don’t _what_?’ Jared’s eyes searched his face. ‘You don’t _wha_ t? You don’t want to break up? You don’t want to do this? You don’t – you don’t love me?’

Jensen drew a breath, sharp and sudden, and felt his head nod.

 _‘Bullshit_ ,’ Jared said immediately. ‘ _Bull-fucking-shit_. Look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me.’

 _Please don’t make me do this,_ Jensen wanted to beg. _Please just accept this is over and walk away._

‘Look me in the _fucking_ eyes and say you don’t love me and this will be over,’ Jared’s breathing was hard, fast, erratic. ‘I won’t argue. I’ll walk away. _Tell me_.’

 _This is for the best,_ the calm voice repeated.

 _Coward,_ another, deeper, darker voice hissed.

And Jensen looked into those hazel eyes.

‘I don’t love you’ he lied.

Jared’s body recoiled like he’d been slapped. His hands fell away from Jensen’s arms. And his face – his face crumpled, crumpled and shattered and broke in a way that Jensen would relive to the day he died, in a way that he _never_ wanted to see again – _never_ –

He wanted to snatch the words back, he wanted to rewind time, he wanted to go back to this morning, he wanted – _he wanted to know how things had gotten from a simple argument to this_ – he wanted –

‘I,’ Jared took two steps back from him. ‘I –’

Then the omega was turning, jerkily away from him, his movements spasmodic, uncoordinated, body shaking, and his eyes were filled with tears. Jensen tried to move.

‘I can drive you home – ’ he said, stupidly, pathetically, because – _because_ – because he needed to do something, _do something_ –

Jared didn’t answer, was already starting to walk away and Jensen still couldn’t move – _still couldn’t_ – even though he wanted to, wanted to run after Jared, wanted to…

Jensen swallowed hard, and the vision of the omega walking away started to blur a little.

 _This is for the best,_ the calm voice repeated again.

 _Coward,_ the other, deeper, darker voice hissed again.

And at that moment, Jensen wasn’t sure which one he believed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *flails* oh the... ANGST.  
> And go easy on our boys. I know they're being silly at the moment, but I'll make sure they get it together... eventually, that is :P


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this update took so long - it's that time of year where life is ridiculously busy so it was hard to find time to write! Hopefully it's a long enough chapter to sate you all after the wait!  
> As always, huge, huge, HUGE thanks to comments and kudos! I've fallen behind with replying to them, but honestly they do make my day and keep me going when times are busy and inspiration is thin... Thanks again! :) <3

_****PRESENT DAY**** _

It had been cowardice, of course.

Jensen knew it, could see it now in retrospect. Pure, utter cowardice that had had him pushing Jared away, had had him ending the relationship. He had tried, for a few days afterwards, to convince himself _Jared_ was in the wrong – _Jared_ , for lying about his true age, and for pushing, _always pushing_ , wanting more, the secretive nature of their relationship forever bubbling beneath the surface. But it was a lie, he knew, to blame Jared. _He’d_ been the one who’d made the omega feel like he was ashamed of the relationship. _He’d_ been the one who’d been too cowardly to treat Jared the way he should have been treated.

_And for what?_

For a police career that never eventuated. For the respect of police colleagues who, JD aside, Jared had been entirely right about. They _were_ douchebags, and after JD had died and Jensen had fallen deeper into the bottle, they’d distanced themselves from him, avoided him. None of them had even visited when he’d been laid up in hospital with a bullet in his hip.

It had taken a week for Jensen to cave after ending things with Jared, for the crawling, _clawing_ ache in his chest to become almost unbearable. His heart hurt, his chest felt tight and he could barely eat, barely focus. He hadn’t started drinking then, hadn’t yet succumbed to that poison, but for a straight week he had kept no food down and the weight tumbled from his frame, garnered him concerned glances from JD and Sam. After a week, he had reached his tipping point - the regret, the desperate litany of “ _if only I_ ” and “ _what if I had just_ ” driving him insane - and he’d broken, caved and gone to the café – for _what_ , he didn’t know. To _beg_ Jared for a second chance? To _try_ to make things right? Just to _see_ the omega, just _once_ more, just to see Jared and try to replace the look of broken trust, of hurt and anguish that was his last image of the omega in his head?

In any case, when he had gotten there, it had been the surly-faced beta who was working. Jensen had been desperate enough to ask about Jared, to ask if he was working tonight, if he would be working anytime soon. The surly beta had eyed him and for a moment Jensen had thought he wouldn’t tell them anything – before he was informed, in short, blunt sentences, that Jared didn’t work there anymore. Had quit not two days ago.

If there was a clearer sign that Jared did not want to talk to Jensen, did not want to see him again, Jensen couldn’t think of one. He had briefly contemplated going to the Omega Sharehouse, begging to see Jared there – before he told himself not to be so stupid. This was for the best, he had told himself. Jared moving on, moving away from Jensen. He was too young to be tied down, too young for… just _too young for him_.

He had tried to numb the hurt then with alcohol, found himself more often than not going out Fridays and Saturdays. His colleagues had been surprised that “Workaholic Ackles” was joining them so often, but seemed pleased with this new, carefree, fun-loving playboy attitude.

Then, three months later, JD had died.

Suddenly Jensen wasn’t being seen as “carefree and fun-loving” – suddenly his drinking took on a sad, desperate edge, and his conquests were seen as an alpha grasping at anything and everything that would have him. His colleagues drifted, looking at him with pitying eyes, or, worse, with _distaste_. He drank alone more often than not. He slugged back drinks from a flask hidden in his pocket. And when they eventually went to replace JD as police chief, they didn’t ask him.

He hadn’t been surprised.

Jensen lay on his back, staring at the ceiling of his bedroom. It was ironic, he thought, as he reflected back on everything, that he’d ended things with Jared because he’d been terrified of what the relationship could do to his career. And then he’d gone and thrown that away too.

 _Just goes to show how much of a fuck-up you really are,_ he thought bitterly.

He felt it then, the stirring, the desire, the _need_ for a drink. For something to numb the pain. It was stronger, prickling under his skin, stronger than it had been for a while. He knew why, of course, why alcohol was so appealing right now. Because he was _weak_ \- because he was _weak_ and couldn’t handle his troubles, his issues, his own hurt and pain by himself. And the pain of seeing that claiming mark…

Jensen felt sick to his stomach.

He had no right to, of course, he knew that. _He’d_ ended things with Jared. _He’d_ been the one to call it quits. And it had been _three years_ since they’d gone their separate ways – _of course_ the omega wouldn’t have… waited, or something. Waited for what? He'd never given any hint that he would return to Jared. _Of course_ Jared would have moved on. That was what Jensen had _wanted_.

_Hadn’t he?_

He just… he just hadn’t thought Jared would move on to… to getting _mated_ , for Christ’s sake. In the span of _three years_. He hadn’t thought… Jared was _so_ young. Still _so_ young. But hadn’t that been Jensen’s mistake before? Assuming Jared was too young to feel love, to want commitment? He’d been wrong then. Jared _had_ loved him. Just as he’d loved Jared.

And… and what of Jared’s mate?

Why wasn’t he or she here with Jared? Why was Jared alone at Sam’s? Alone, a so… so _haunted_. Haunted and… not-himself. A sudden thought occurred to him that maybe Jared’s mate had died – maybe Jared’s mate had died and _that_ was why the omega looked so haunted, so sad and _that_ was why he was at Sam’s – some legality regarding… property or… or… money -

There was a thrill in his stomach at the thought that maybe Jared’s mate was dead, that Jared wasn’t tied to someone anymore despite the mark on his neck – and the instant Jensen felt it he wanted to be sick, felt bile rise in the back of his throat at his own disgusting reaction. Because – _what_? Jared’s mate was dead and then – then Jensen could swoop in and sweep the omega off his feet and somehow get him back?

 _Get a grip_ , _Ackles_ , he told himself. _Don’t be so goddamn pathetic._

It was a sign, he thought, of how _goddamn_ selfish and fucked up he was that he would wish a dead mate on Jared simply because he missed the omega. Wanted the omega. Was still _hopelessly, irrevocably, completely and totally in love_ with the omega.

Not for the first time, Jensen thought he deserved every single shitty thing that had ever happened to him.

There was a beeping noise and he rolled his head to blink at his alarm clock. The time read 7.30am, the time he was supposed to get up to head downstairs and begin his day of work. Which meant he’d spent the entire night wide awake, staring at his ceiling, thinking. Jensen lifted a hand, dropped it to his face and let out a long sigh.

It was going to be a long day.

The office was strangely quiet when he entered it, his cane in one hand, his entire body stiff and aching and tired from lack of sleep. He cast his eyes around the room, saw that Sam’s door was open, but there was no sign of the beta inside. His brow furrowed in confusion a moment, before he slid behind his desk and his eyes fell onto the note taped to the screen of his computer. It was written in big loopy letters, with love-hearts dotted above the “i”’s. Jensen snorted, rolling his eyes, and correctly assumed Gen had written it. He tugged it from the screen and scanned the page.

 _“HEY JENNY BABE”_ –

Jensen pulled a face.

_“ – Sammy and I are on the road today, Thelma & Louise style (kinda), so you’re on your lonesome – BUT DON’T CRY WE’LL BE BACK TOMORROW. I wrote a note rather than email in case you couldn’t remember how to access emails. Remember, to turn on the computer it’s the BIG BUTTON (I labelled it just in case). Sam says to just answer any calls that come through, take messages, do the filling in the in-tray and try not to kill anyone! :) _

_HUGS & KISSES XOXOXOXOX” _

Jensen rolled his eyes and huffed as he folded the note back up and tossed it into the bin. He squinted at the computer and, sure enough, a bright pink post-it note was stuck to the “on” button with the words “PRESS ME :)” written on it.

Jensen wondered if Gen actually thought he was five years old.

He grabbed the files in the in-tray, hefting them, and hobbled to the filing cabinet to begin filing. He dropped them atop the cabinet, grasping at the draw to pull it open, and his eyes scanned over the files. They had names on them – “CRUZ, Melanie”, “ODSUN, Tom” the top two – and he thought idly that they must be case files.

Then he jolted a little, because it sunk in that _they were case files_.

 _Jared_ probably had a case file.

Jensen stood perfectly still, one hand gripping the draw. Jared probably had a case file that had _all_ the details of why he was here, of what happened to his mate, of what had happened to him in the last three years.

Jensen’s eyes travelled to Sam’s open office door. He wondered if the file was in there, because it was a current case. He wondered if it was simply atop her desk somewhere.

 _Don’t do it_ , his brain warned. _Sam trusts you. Don’t do it._

Jensen’s grip on the draw tightened. It was just… it was just _no one_ would tell him _why_ Jared was here and it was _driving him insane_ and _Sam_ wouldn’t talk and _Jared_ wouldn’t talk and _what else was he supposed to do_?

 _Don’t do it_ , his brain said again.

Jensen shut the draw, grabbed his cane and started to limp towards Sam’s office.

He needed to know. He _needed_ to.

He entered the office, already feeling the guilt leaking into his gut. The feeling of invading someone’s privacy – Sam’s? Jared’s? _Both_. He moved to the desk and let his eyes scan over the piles of papers, the stacked files. He hesitated only a moment before, with a glance over his shoulder like someone was going to walk in on him, he reached for the pile of files in her in-tray. His eyes slipped over the names, his heart beat escalating in anticipation – before skipping a beat when he saw the name “JARED PADALECKI” on one thick, heavy feeling file.

Jensen drew in a breath. He carefully tugged the file out, put the others down and stared for a moment at the innocuous pale cream colour of the front of the file, the bold, black letters of Jared’s name across the top. His heart fluttered in his chest and he could feel himself trembling a little.

Did he want to know what was in the file? Did he _really_?

Jensen swallowed hard, once, twice. He flipped open the file before he could second guess himself, before he could overthink it. It took a moment for him to comprehend what he was seeing at first; the very first document in the file. Took a moment of him staring to realise.

It was a hospital admission report.

It was a hospital admission report for Jared.

And _something_ started to trickle into the back of Jensen’s mind. Something dark and insidious. A thought… an idea… something that had probably been lurking there since the moment he discovered Jared was at Sam’s. A reason for the omega being there that he _couldn’t_ – _wouldn’t_ – _hadn’t_ wanted to consider. To even so much as contemplate.

His eyes flickered and scanned. Words and phrases jumped out at him in quick succession and each one settled heavy in his gut.

_Fractured skull… broken ribs… broken wrist…_

Jensen realised he wasn’t breathing, tried to suck in a breath but found it trapped, his throat too tight.

He quickly turned the hospital report over, couldn’t stand to look at it.

There was another one beneath. An older one.

And Jensen started to feel dizzy and sick, because he flicked through and there were _three_ more, older, dating back over the past two years, all hospital admissions. All Jared’s. All various broken bones. Fractures. Bruises. Sprains. And _excuses_.

‘ _Accidents_.’ ‘ _Fell down_.’ ‘ _Tripped over_.’

The same kinds of excuses he’d seen trip from the lips of cowed omegas who sat across from him with black eyes after calls to the police from neighbours of overhearing screams, shouts and bangs. The omegas – and betas sometimes – who wouldn’t meet his eyes, with fist shaped bruises littering their arms. Who made excuses and told him to leave and made him want to _scream_ in frustration of not being able to help, not being able to do anything.

Jensen thought he might throw up.

 _Not Jared_ , he thought. He pleaded. He begged.

_God, please no, not Jared._

Then he got to Sam’s own file notes, in her neat, precise handwriting. His eyes flickered over the page and he could feel his legs give way, could feel himself sink down to the ground. Words and phrases leapt from the page, lodged themselves into his brain.

_“Jared Tristian Padalecki, omega, 21. Mated at 20… Mark Pellegrino, alpha, aged 35… Pellegrino Industries… request to dissolve mateship… physical, mental, sexual abuse… hospitalised five times… Omega is skittish, terrified… restraining order in place as of September… repeated threats from Pellegrino… proceed with caution…”_

Jensen closed the file, put it carefully onto the ground next to him. Drew in a shaking breath that caught, burned in his throat.

 _Your fault,_ his brain whispered.

‘Fuck’ it fell strangled from Jensen’s lips.

_Your fault._

‘ _Fuck!_ ’ it was a guttural roar, a cry, ripped from his throat and he reared his fist back and punched a hole straight into Sam’s desk, splintering the wood, fragments slicing up his knuckles, tearing into his skin.

_Your fucking fault._

 

**

 

Everyone slips off the wagon once, right? You’re allowed to. Once. It’s practically _mandated_ that a recovering alcoholic will slip off the wagon at least once in their recovery.

 _Right,_ Jensen’s blurry mind confirmed, reassured him. _Right._

He felt his foot slip on the stairs that led up to his bedroom at Sam’s house and he went down heavy with a crash and lay for a moment, sprawled, closing his eyes a moment.

He was drunk.

He let out a snigger at the thought. Because, yeah, he was _drunk_. _Smashed_. _Sloshed_. _Wasted_. _Blotto._ All of those words. And it wasn’t even gone eight pm.

He rolled onto his back, slumped on the stairs, unscrewed the cap of the bottle of vodka he clutched in one hand and took another swig, coughing a little at the burn. He was _drunk_ and it was _fucking awesome_.

Why did he ever give this up? he wondered blearily, as he blinked lazily, watching the world spin and turn around him. This loose-limbed feeling, this dulling of the thoughts roaring in his head, this quieting of the nasty voice that hissed “ _yourfaultyourfaultyourfault_ ” over and again, this eradicating of the visions of Jared broken and bloody that his imagination conjured.

He felt… _nothing._

He felt _nothing_ , and it was glorious.

‘To nothin’!’ he slurred as he toasted thin air.

He took another gulp, closed his eyes and revelled in the swirl of his brain, the spinning feeling. Apparently, his weeks of detox had lowered his tolerance once more and he was feeling the affects of the alcohol much more acutely than he had before.

‘’S’good,’ he told no one, taking another swig. ‘S’gooooodddd.’

‘Jensen?’

The inquiring voice behind him was soft, hesitant and Jensen half rolled his body to peer blearily up the stairs. Jared was standing at the top of the stairs, gazing down at him with a confused look on his face. The sight of Jared sent a stab of pain through Jensen’s chest and he groaned. Clearly the alcohol had yet to numb _all_ the pain.

‘No’ enough,’ he growled, and took another drink. ‘’aven’t… ‘avent enough yet.’

He heard Jared start down the stairs a little, his movements cautious.

‘Are you… Christ, Jensen are you drunk?’ the omega peered down at him.

‘Nu- _uhhhh_ ,’ Jensen shook his head, took a swig, ‘not,’ he hiccupped, ‘no’ even drunk. Nup.’

He heard Jared give a sigh and looked up to see the omega’s familiar movement of running his hands through his hair – something Jensen had seen countless times when the omega was stressed, or studying, an unconscious movement to reveal his anxiety. The hurt in his chest amplified.

‘So fuckin’ beautiful’ he croaked, and the omega jolted, looking at him with wide eyes.

‘So fuckin’…’ Jensen trailed off, shook his head. ‘Hurts. Hurt so _fuckin_ ’ much.’

Jared swallowed and lowered to a squat next to him. ‘Here, why don’t you give me that’ he reached for the bottle.

‘’S’mine’ Jensen pouted petulantly, tugged the bottle out of reach.

Jared rolled his eyes. ‘Ok, but how about I hold it while we get you to bed huh? Get you somewhere other than the middle of the stairs? I’ll give it back once you’re in bed, ok?’

Jensen tried to think about it for a moment, but found the thoughts slipping and sliding from his grasp. He felt the bottle being tugged from his grasp and couldn’t find it in himself to take it back. A gentle hand was tugging at his arm.

‘Come on,’ the omega said, ‘let’s get you up.’

Jensen grunted and forced himself to his feet, swayed and felt the pain, muted by the alcohol, but still there, lance up his hip. He groaned and grasped at the bannister a little, doubled over slightly.

‘Jensen?’ there was genuine concern in the omega’s voice.

‘S’m’hip’ Jensen grunted. ‘Stupid… stup’d fuckin’ thing.’

He growled low and took a few staggering steps up the stairs, feeling Jared’s gentle hand on his arm, as if the skinny omega could possibly help him along.

‘I noticed that…’ Jared said finally, quietly, when they reached the top of the stairs. ‘Your hip. I… I was… I just…’

‘Fucked up,’ Jensen said and gave a huffing laugh. ‘A'work. Fucked up. Was drunk. Was drunk and the husband… hu’band had the wife and I thought… I’d sneak up on ‘em, and Mitch said no – said don’t, but I did and the bastard freaked and shot his wife, then turned to me and Mitch pushed me out the way, an’ the bullet got ‘im instead – _bang_! And then he - he shot me anyway – right in the hip – right there an’ then – an’ then shot himself,’ he mimed a gun to his head, ‘shot himself good.’

He laughed again, wildly, drunkenly. ‘ _Bang_ , _bang_ , _bang_ , _bang_! All in a row’ he shook his head.

‘Jesus,’ Jared breathed, ‘I… I’m sorry, Jen.’

‘He shoulda aimed f’my head,’ Jensen said suddenly, stopping to stare at the closed door to his bedroom. ‘ _Bang_! To m’head. Think that’s what I wanted, really. Think I wan’ed to die.’

He heard Jared suck in a breath, sharp and painful.

‘Don’t say that’ the omega said softly.

Jensen reached blindly for the door, fumbled with the handle and managed to get it open, stumbling the few steps to his bed.

‘S’true,’ he muttered and fell forwards onto the bed. ‘No fuckin’ point. No fuckin’ point. Lost you. Lost JD. Lost m’job. Lost everythin’. No point.’

He rolled his head to the doorway and saw Jared standing there. The omega hesitated, eyes flickering around the room, then he spoke softly.

‘I… I heard about JD,’ he shifted a little, ‘I’m… I’m sorry, Jensen. I know he meant a lot to you. I’m sorry.’

‘So m’I,’ Jensen slurred, and clenched his eyes tight a moment. ‘So m’I. _So fuckin’ sorry_. About _everythin_ ’. So fuckin’ sorry. I’m _sorry_ Jay.’

He opened his eyes to see Jared had taken a step back again, had a guarded look on his face once more.

‘Jensen…’ he started, and there was a warning edge to his voice.

‘I read your file,’ the words tumbled from Jensen’s mouth. ‘I read your file.’

Jared’s entire body tensed up. His jaw set. ‘That wasn’t for you to read.’

‘I know,’ Jensen half scrambled to sit up, his movements sluggish and uncoordinated, blinking to try to shake away the sway of the world. ‘I _know_ – but I had t’ know – I had to – god, Jay, was drivin’ me crazy an’ – an’ – I just _had_ to know – ’

‘Well. Now you do’ Jared said stiffly, and turned to leave.

Jensen lurched from the bed, half fell onto his good leg and grabbed out, managing to snag the back of Jared’s t-shirt, managing to halt the omega.

‘Jay… s’tp – I need – I – why?’ the words burbled from his mouth. ‘ _Why_? _How_? I don’t – ’

‘Hey, I’m an omega,’ Jared’s tone was bitter, his eyes flat. ‘I was just doing what omegas do. Good for nothing but fucki – ’

‘ _Stop_ ,’ Jensen shook his head violently, felt the world tip as he did. ‘Stop – _don’_ t. _Don’t_. You’re _not_. You’re _not_.’

He was starting to lose his balance, the alcohol making him off-kilter, dizzy. Jared looked at him, long, hard, and then took a deep breath and started to guide him back to the bed.

‘Lie down, Jensen, you need to sleep this off’ the omega said.

Jensen slumped onto the bed, rubbed at his face. ‘Please, Jay, I jus’ wanna… I wanna… talk… an’… an’…’ he struggled a moment.

‘You’re drunk, Jensen, this isn’t the time – ’

‘Please,’ Jensen begged. ‘ _Please_.’

Jared ran a hand through his hair, let out a long, low sigh and then slowly sat down on the bed next to Jensen, ensuring to put a sizable distance between the two of them. The omega folded his hands on his lap, stared down at his slender fingers. Jensen waited, blinking rapidly, clawing his way back to sober, forcing his mind to focus.

‘He… he was nice. He was nice and sweet, and he said he cared about me. I know that sounds ridiculous, but in the beginning that was… it was true,’ Jared’s voice was soft, hesitant. ‘I met him… well, I… I left the café after we...’ he stopped, hesitated, then ploughed on, ‘it was just. Too many memories. You know? Got a job at bar instead. He was a customer. And he was… he was _nice_. The other patrons – the alphas – they were _awful_. Always leering and grabbing. It was,’ Jared gave a little shiver, then he shook it off, ‘it wasn’t pleasant. But Mark. He didn’t do any of that. He was polite. Nice. Flirty, but respectful. And he kept asking for a date, over and over. Never took it badly when I said no. Just smiled and said he’d keep waiting. I thought…’ Jared stopped a moment, breathed, ‘… I thought it was cute. So eventually I caved and went on the date.’

Jensen swallowed hard, tried to control the inner alpha that _howled_ at someone else courting Jared, taking him on dates. At Jared calling someone else “nice and sweet.”

‘And we just… we started dating,’ Jared shrugged a little. ‘It wasn’t… it was good. He was… over the top. Rich. Showered me in the gifts and he…’ Jared paused, and his gaze darted quickly to Jensen then quickly away, ‘… he loved to show me off. Wanted the whole world to know I was with him. And it was… it was so different to… to…’

‘To _me_ ’ Jensen croaked.

Jared drew in a breath. ‘It was nice to feel celebrated,’ he said softly.

‘ _God_ ’ Jensen choked out, and rubbed his face.

‘He offered to take me to Paris for a few months,’ Jared lifted his gaze and stared unseeingly at the wall, ‘but I told him I had my degree to do. He said… he said he had connections at the university. He could get my degree deferred for a few months while I went to stay with him. He told me he’d take care of it,’ a little twisted smile curled at the omega’s lips. ‘I believed him, and I agreed. Didn’t find out until it was too late that he didn’t defer anything. He pulled me out of the degree. He’s an alpha. I’m an omega. It was easy for him to do without me knowing.’

‘ _Jay_ …’ Jensen breathed, felt his heart break.

Because Jared had worked _so hard_ for his scholarship. Had put in _so_ many hours, _so_ much hard work, _so_ much energy.

‘He asked me to be his mate in Paris,’ Jared continued, not acknowledging Jensen’s interruption, and Jensen didn’t know if it was because it still hurt him to talk about the degree or if the omega just wanted to get it out while he still had the courage to keep talking. ‘We’d been there a few months, and together before that a few months, so I… I said yes. Told him I’d be his mate, and he claimed me.’

‘ _Why_?’ Jensen couldn’t help asking.

Jared glanced over, met his eyes. ‘Why not? He was offering me the world – I thought. And I… well, trying to mate for _love_ hadn’t worked for me, had it’ the bitter smile was back, like a knife to Jensen’s heart, ‘so why _not_ mate for opportunity instead?’

Jensen couldn’t hold his gaze, looked down at his hands. He was feeling more sober by the second.

‘It was fine, in the beginning. It was. I mean, I did think... I did think it was weird, that he kept putting off me getting back into college, but it wasn’t so bad,’ Jared carried on. ‘Then one night… we were at a gala for something, and when we got back he… he just _lost_ it. Kept saying he’d seen me making eyes at another alpha. Kept telling me I was a no-good omega slut – ’

‘ _Fucker_ ’ Jensen hissed.

‘ – and then he just… he just hit me, backhanded me right across the face,’ Jared stopped, drew in a shaky breath. ‘He was so apologetic afterwards, he was. Kept saying it would never happen again. That he was drunk. He was sorry. And I… I believed him. Idiot that I am, I believed him.’

‘Jared’ Jensen whispered.

‘And then it just got worse,’ Jared’s voice was a little thicker now, tighter, ‘it just got worse and _worse_. And I was fucking terrified half the time – I was so scared. I couldn’t – he was just – unpredictable. It started that he’d let me out of the house less and less and control… control _everything_ more and more. What I could eat, what I could drink. What I did. There were… weigh-ins and check-ins and it just…’

The omega lifted a hand, pressed it to his eyes, hard and forceful and Jensen swallowed past the lump in his throat, felt too much at a loss, too god damn helpless.

‘I _tried_ ,’ Jared dropped his hand and his eyes were wet, shiny. ‘I _tried_ to get out. I tried to run, to leave. But he had… people. Always watching. _Always_. They dragged me back in less than five minutes. He broke all five fingers on my hand as punishment.’

‘Fucking hell’ Jensen expelled the words in a hiss, and he wanted – he wanted to _rage_ , to _punch_ , to _scream_ and _shout_ , to _vomit_ , to stop listening to this, to stop hearing what Jared had gone through.

 _Your fault,_ the voice hissed.

‘The next time I tried to leave, it was my ankle,’ Jared scrubbed at his eyes. ‘And I just… it seemed… it was just _hopeless_ and I _couldn’t_ … I was never… I was just going to be trapped forever and I… I just… I wanted…’

He drew in a shuddering breath, turned his watery gaze on Jensen. ‘I wanted… _out_. I wanted out and I kept thinking… Kept thinking of just… just…’

He gave a helpless shrug, didn’t finish his sentence. Didn’t need to. Jensen _knew_. Jensen knew and it tore his heart, his lungs, his insides to shreds.

 _No,_ he wanted to yell at him. _No. Not you. Never you_.

He didn’t speak. _Couldn’t_ speak. Sorry didn’t seem enough. Could _never_ be enough.

 _Your fault,_ the voice whispered.

‘But then… then I thought of Jeff,’ Jared glanced away, his jaw tightening. ‘And how – how fucking _hard_ he’d worked for me - for _me_. And I got – I got _angry._ For the first time in – in ages. I was _angry_ and I wanted to get _out_. And I remembered – I remembered Sam. I remembered you mentioning her – that she was a lawyer. A real good one. And I thought – I was so desperate – just for anyone. _Anyone_ to help me.’

 _Anyone but me_ , Jensen thought, and the thought surprised him. _I’d have come. I’d have come in a heartbeat to help you._

But what good would he have been? A drunken, crippled alpha.

Useless, he’d have been… he was _useless._

‘I managed to call her, explain things and she organised – it was hard, but she organised a way out – smacked Mark with a restraining order based on… on the hospital records,’ Jared grimaced a little. ‘Had a few of her police friends – friends of… of JD I think, they came round, escorted me away. He was so… he was so _mad_ ,’ Jared sucked in a breath and there was a flash of fear across his face, ‘he was _so mad_. Mark. _So mad_.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Jensen managed to get out. ‘ _God_ , Jared, I’m _so_ sorry.’

He put his hands to his face, pressed hard. ‘This is… if I hadn’t… everything got so fucked up, _so fucking fucked up_ and it’s – it’s _my_ fucking – ’

‘Jensen’ Jared said softly.

‘You probably hate me – you _should_ hate me – fuck, _I_ hate me – I – fuck –’

Jared didn’t say anything and the silence sliced deep into Jensen’s gut. He felt Jared shift, then slowly get to his feet, and dropped his hands from his face to look up at the omega, his vision blurring a little with a combination of unshed tears and the after affects of the alcohol. Jared wasn’t looking at him, was looking at somewhere over his shoulder.

‘You should go to sleep Jensen,’ the omega’s voice was soft. ‘You should sleep it off.’

It was a dismissal, and Jensen swallowed, felt his head bob, and turned to crawl onto his bed, to push his face into the pillow, clench his eyes shut and tense his jaw. He heard Jared leave the room, and squeezed his eyes tighter. His brain was a swirling mass of thoughts, one chasing after another and he felt dizzy, sick, torn between wishing he wasn’t so drunk and wishing that, _no, screw it_ , he was _even drunker_.

The alcohol was grabbing at him, pulling him under into sleep and he was already drifting off, when there were footsteps and the gentle clink of a glass being put onto his beside table. If it weren’t for the alcohol slowing his reactions, making him lethargic, he probably would’ve jumped at the noise.

Then – then he felt the tiniest brush of fingers across his hair, gentle, soft.

‘Don’t hate you,’ the words were so soft, and Jensen was so sluggish, almost half asleep, barely registering them, ‘couldn’t _never_ hate you, Jensen.’

There was the tiniest of exhales, a sigh. ‘That’s the problem.’

Then the hand was gone, the footsteps receding, the light of his room clicked off and Jensen gave into the pull of sleep.

 

**

 

When Jensen opened bleary eyes next, blinking slowly, the numbers on the clock swum in his vision a moment, before solidifying, registering as midday. He had vague recollections of knocks on his door earlier – around the time he should have been going to work – but apparently he’d ignored the requests to get out of bed and leave.

It was eerily reminiscent of when he was at his worst, skipping work to drink or sleep through the day, neglecting responsibilities. As was his first thought on waking being of finding a way to obtain more alcohol.

Because all he could think about was _Jared_ – _Jared_ and his story about Mark, Jared being _claimed_ , Jared being _abused_ , broken physically, mentally – and there was a constant ache in his chest, in his heart and his brain resounded with the agonising thought that if _only_ he hadn’t ended things with Jared, if _only_ he hadn’t driven the omega right into that sadistic fucker’s arms – _it was on him, everything was on him_ –

Jensen rolled into a sitting position, ignoring the stab of pain through his head, the swirl of nausea in his gut and planted his feet on the floor. He got to his feet, limped to his door, locked it, then went to his cupboard, pulled it open and grabbed the duffel hidden inside. The duffel containing the bottle of vodka he’d gone out and bought after the first run-in with Jared, when he’d twitched and craved and almost caved. _Almost_ caved that time, but managed to resist.

 _Well,_ Jensen thought, screwing the cap, _fuck resisting now._

Then the alpha took a deep, hearty swig.

He drank, slumped over on his bed, alone, not bothering to draw the curtains or flick on the lights. He drank and felt the darkness seep into his body, the insidious tendrils of addiction curl themselves around his brain, his heart, and take hold. He drank and felt the numbness spread, the thoughts and pain dull, become fuzzy and indistinct. He drank and ignored when there was another knock at his door, when his phone buzzed on the bedside table.

Over half the bottle was gone and the time verging on late afternoon, when he got to his feet and stumbled to the door, seized by the sudden, desperate urge to see Jared.

 _Apologise_ , he thought blearily, he needed to apologise again. _Should_ apologise again.

He fumbled with the lock, slurred a few curses, before he finally managed to unlock the door, wrench it open and stagger into the hallway. The floors seemed to dip and sway beneath his feet, undulating like waves, and he stumbled sideways, hit the wall and bounced off, ignored the stabs of pain through his hip.

 _Stairs,_ he thought. _Gotta go up the stairs. Third floor. Gotta see Jared._

His feet tripped and stumbled up the stairs, one leg far too stiff, and he half crawled up them instead, blinking rapidly as the world blurred and swam in front of him. It was probably a feat of pure determination that saw him actually reach Jared’s closed door. He flailed a little, hitting the door in sloppy thuds repeatedly.

‘Coming – I – _coming_!’ he heard Jared’s voice say, a little stressed sounding.

The door swung open and Jensen half stumbled forward, bumping into Jared a little.

‘I – whoa – Je – Jensen?’ Jared took a step back, face startled.

‘Jar’d,’ Jensen righted himself, grappled for Jared’s arm. ‘J’red – s’you – s’you – gotta – s’mthin’ to say – ’

‘Are you drunk again? Jen – I – ’ Jared’s face was torn, a mixture of worry and something like apprehension, anxiety on his face. ‘Jensen – you need to – this _really_ isn’t a good time – you can’t – you can’t be here – you can't be around me - ’

It registered that Jared was trying to usher him out, and Jensen made a noise and pushed into the room insistently, because he _needed_ to apologise. _Needed_ to apologise. It seemed important, desperately so, in his drunken mind. He took a few steps into the room and his foot snagged, caught on a packed duffel on the ground, sending him stumbling forward.

‘Whaa – wassit?’ he flailed blearily.

‘Jensen – really – you need – ’ Jared turned and he looked agitated, and – flushed. A high flush on his cheekbones, a sheeny-shine of sweat across his brow.

‘Y’r leavin’?’ Jensen slurred, and felt panic bubble in his chest. ‘Y – no – no, no, no – s’not… don’t – ’

‘No, I’m – I just – ’ Jared ran a hand through his hair, swiped the sweat in his brow. ‘It’s just – please – this isn’t – ’

Jensen barely registered his stammering, faltering speech, still shaking his head.

‘Can’t leave – dn’t – pl’s – can’t lose you ‘gain – can’t – ’

He stepped forward and reached for Jared, caught his arms, drew a deep shuddering breath, preparing to plead his case for Jared to stay – when a sweetness entered the air, a heady, perfumed scent that he recognised, that he knew – and something – _something_ filtered through the alcohol as being “off”, something started to register with him, he started to think, to think –

‘Jensen…’ Jared voice was suddenly a little more than a long exhale. ‘You… you shouldnt’ve have come here right now.’

Jensen blinked slowly, sluggishly. ‘I don’t… what?’

And suddenly Jared was in his space, close to his face and that sweet scent was stronger and there was even more sweat on Jared’s forehead, and the omega’s pupils were dilated, blown wide –

‘Fuck it’ the omega muttered.

And then Jared was kissing him, and for a second Jensen couldn’t think – for a second he could only surrender, the omega licking into his mouth almost feverishly and it was all Jensen could do to stifle the moan at the taste, the feel – _god_ he’d missed it, _he’d missed Jared so much_ – but this wasn’t – there was something _wrong_ – the frenetic air of Jared’s movements, the almost feverish look to his face, the desperation in his grip -

Drunkenly, blearily, Jensen tried to pull back, tried to clear his head.

‘What – wha’s – this isn’t – Jay – ’ he stumbled and slurred over his words.

Jared was back in his space, long, lean form against him, and the omega’s face was nuzzling into his neck, mouthing and licking at the skin and Jensen’s knees buckled, a groan escaping his lips –

‘ _Jared_ – ’

The scent- _oh Christ_ , that sweetness, the scent – was so heady, so _overwhelming_ and the alcohol was clouding his brain and Jensen was losing focus, losing his grip on _why_ this was a bad idea, on pressing w _hy_ this was happening –

‘Want you’ Jared rasped, and his lips found the alpha’s again.

‘You have me,’ Jensen gasped, and caved because he was drunk and weak, so weak. ‘Always. _Always_.’

Then they were both stumbling backwards, tumbling to the bed in a flurry of limbs and touches, Jensen felt his clothes all but being torn off, felt the intensity of Jared’s actions, the manic purposefulness, and a word bubbled to his alcohol-befuddled mind – a single word – _heat, heat, heat, heat, heat_ –

And then Jared’s lips were on his again and he forgot everything else.

 

**

By the time Jensen woke the next morning, blearily, hazily, naked, the scent of sex still hanging in the hair, his body tangled in the sheets of Jared’s bed, the omega, and his duffel bag, were gone.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this update took so long! The festive season is goddamn hectic! Hopefully this is long enough to make up for how delayed the update is :P  
> As always, BIG HUGE MUCHOS love to everyone who likes & comments & reads & everything! Y'all are amazing! :) xx

_The phone was ringing, an incessant blaring noise, and Jensen fumbled for it, grabbed it blearily. He felt sick, dizzy, slightly drunk and as he lifted the phone to his ear he looked around himself, took in his surroundings. His house – his first house – messy and strewn with dirty clothes, empty beer bottles, discarded junk food wrappers – and for a moment something registered that that couldn’t be right – he’d sold his house, hadn’t he? He didn’t live there anymore, right?_

_Then he realised the phone was still ringing, still shrill in his ear and he hit the answer button, tried to collect his thoughts. It took a moment for the voice on the other end to filter into his brain – the broken sobbing, the hitched breathing –_

_‘What…?’ Jensen blinked a few times. ‘Who – ’_

_'Jensen’ the voice said brokenly on the other side of the phone._

_‘Sam?’ Jensen asked cautiously._

_And something slithered into his gut – an uneasiness, the feeling of déjà vu, the feeling that he knew what was coming, he knew because this had happened, had already happened –_

_‘ – Jensen, it’s JD – oh god – Jensen – JD – he – ’_

_Jensen dropped the phone, lurched to his feet, stumbled away from it._

_No, no, no, he thought wildly, desperately._

_No – this had already happened – he’d already been through this once – he’d already lived through that moment once before – he couldn’t – not again – not again – no –_

_Something else registered, the sound of a shower running and Jensen wheeled to face his en-suite bathroom._

_‘Hello?’ he called out cautiously._

_He walked to the door, hesitated a moment, then opened it up, peered into the steam-filled bathroom. The curtain was drawn across the shower, and Jensen stared at it, felt apprehension curl into his gut. Then he walked forward, slowly, grasped the curtain and pulled it across –_

_It was Jared, fully clothed, seated at the bottom of the shower, drenched, and – and his face was a bloodied mess, two black eyes, nose swollen and bleeding, face littered in bruises, and his long legs were outstretched, one bent at an unnatural angle - Jensen’s breath caught in his throat, a surge of horror flooding his body – Jared lifted his head and his eyes were blank, lifeless, hollow –_

_‘Why did you let this happen, Jen?’ Jared whispered, and there was blood staining his teeth, bubbling from his mouth as he spoke. ‘Why?’_

_And there was more blood, running from his mouth, pooling beneath his body, turning the water red – the water was turning red – even the water coming from the showerhead; it was raining blood all over the omega and Jensen wanted to be sick, wanted to shout, wanted to grab Jared, pull him away from the red haze, but he was frozen, stock still and –_

And then Jensen woke up with a startled yell when a huge glass of freezing cold water was dumped all over his head and shoulders.

He flailed a little, sluggishly, his head spinning, heart pounding, spluttering and spitting. He tried to claw his way to sitting, eyes blinking away the water. His head was pounding, aching and still reeling from the nightmare, still baulking at the image of a blood-soaked Jared, and his gut was swirling with nausea. His mouth was dry as a bone and still tasted faintly of whisky. He rubbed the water from his eyes and then squinted at the culprit of the water-throwing.

Sam stood at the side of the bed, one hand on her hip, the other still holding the empty glass. She arched an eyebrow and her lips turned into a thin smile.

‘Welcome to the land of the living’ she said.

‘How’d you get in?’ Jensen croaked, because he knew he’d locked the door to his room the night before.

Or at least, he was _pretty_ sure he had. Memories of the last three days were at best a little blurry, at worst nothing but a blank space. Since the morning he’d awoke alone in Jared’s bed, with the knowledge that the omega had left, with the sick feeling in his stomach that _something_ had been terribly wrong the night before when they’d had sex – _something_ , but he couldn’t quite remember exactly _what_ or _why_ , the entire thing a hazy blur, drunk as he had been.

But with Jared so clearly gone the morning after, Jensen could easily surmise the sex had been a terrible mistake, had literally driven Jared from the house – and he had no way of contacting the omega, of checking on him and his thoughts were so jumbled, so guilt-fuelled, so self-loathing that he’d done what he always did.

 _Weak,_ the voice hissed in his brain. _Weak, useless alpha._

He dived straight back to the bottle, had left Jared’s room, gone straight into his own and resumed drinking. And he hadn’t stopped, had only left the house – secretly, stealthily – to get more alcohol, then returned to his room, locked the door and drank. He didn’t want to face anyone, _couldn’t_ face anyone. They would _know_ – they would _know_ the reason Jared ran away was _him_. They would blame him – _and rightfully so_ – because it _was_ his fault, was _always_ his fault, _always_ –

And he probably would’ve woken up that morning and continued his cycle, if it weren’t for the beta currently eyeing him coolly with her all-too-knowing eyes.

‘I picked the lock,’ she said matter-of-factly, in answer to his question. ‘You haven’t turned up to work in four days.’

Jensen winced, avoided her gaze. ‘Been feelin’ sick’ he muttered gruffly.

‘No, you haven’t,’ Sam corrected. ‘You’ve been drunk.’

A flush started on Jensen’s cheeks and his jaw clenched. ‘Sam – ’

‘You want to talk about it?’ Sam said quietly.

‘No’ Jensen said stiffly, automatically.

He heard Sam give a little sigh, before she spoke again, and there was a tired edge to her tone. ‘I’m your friend, Jensen, I _am_. But I’m _also_ trying to run a business. I’m _also_ your boss. I gave you a chance with this job. I was _hoping_ you’d appreciate that.’

Jensen swallowed, looked down at his hands and felt sicker than before.

‘Anyway,’ Sam cleared her throat, ‘I…’ she hesitated a moment, then ploughed on, ‘I told Gen to hold down the fort. Downstairs. For today. And maybe we could… we could get through today. Without. You know. I could. Help. Help you.’

Jensen rubbed at his face, felt a little at a loss. He glanced up at Sam, wondered why she was bothering with him, with drying him out, cleaning him up when Jared was missing. _Surely_ the omega took priority? Surely she could guess it was _his_ fault Jared had left?

‘Aren’t you worried?’ he blurted out.

Sam’s brows drew together. ‘About… you?’ she asked gently.

‘What? No,’ Jensen blinked, shook his head, winced at the throb it caused. ‘About Jared!’

‘Jared?’ now Sam looked confused.

‘He’s – he’s _gone_ , Sam!’ Jensen burst out. ‘He just – I mean – he could be – anywhere – he’s –’

‘Jared’s at Sandy’s,’ Sam still looked a little confused, inclining her head to one side. ‘I _know_ where Jared is, Jensen. Why… why would – ’

‘Sandy’s?’ Jensen was suddenly lost.

‘An omega friend of mine,’ Sam supplied. ‘He went to hers for – well,’ she widened her eyes meaningfully, ‘ _you know_. _That_ time. It’s a safe place you know? For him when it’s – well you know.’

But Jensen wasn’t listening, was still wobbling from the realisation that Jared _hadn’t_ run away – that he _hadn’t_ practically driven the omega from the house – that he was somewhere safe, that he wasn’t out there alone –

‘ – five days or so,’ Jensen tuned back in to realise Sam was still talking. ‘Just to make sure it’s fully over and gone.’

‘What?’ Jensen blinked.

‘Mm?’ Sam glanced at him, then shook her head. ‘Anyway, you…’ she shifted a moment. ‘You think maybe we can try today without any alcohol Jensen?’

Jensen felt his cheeks prickle with shame, looked away, unable to bear looking at the beta. His gut coiled with self-loathing.

‘Yeah, Sam,’ he croaked. ‘Yeah, we can do that.’

 

**

It was, in a word, _hell_.

Worse than his initial detox, Jensen found himself hunched over the toilet bowl for most of the day, heaving and retching as he shook and perspired, as his head pounded and ached. Sam tried, bless her, torn between wanting to give him privacy and wanting to help. Occasionally ducking into the bathroom to provide water, to look at him with those sad, blue eyes.

Jensen had probably never hated himself more than in that moment.

It consumed him, the self-loathing and guilt, amplified the cravings tenfold. His alpha nature hissed and spat and raged at him for his perceived weakness, for having a beta hover over him when that was supposed to be _his_ duty, _his_  role. The internal war in his head made it pound even worse, made his stomach churn harder. He lashed out, when she was in the bathroom, snapping at her to leave him alone, unable to keep himself from snarling and pushing her away, even as his brain told him she was only trying to help.

He told Sam her curtly to leave later than night, told her in no uncertain terms that he could handle the night on his own. He didn’t sleep; did nothing but shake and crave and brood in turns. The next morning he showered, clutching the bathroom walls to keep upright in the shower, then dressed himself and, cane in hand, limped shakily down to the office. Sam was in her office, had obviously gotten in ridiculously early to take care of things – _obviously having anticipated another day of watching over his sorry-ass,_ he thought bitterly – and she looked up at his entrance and made a startled noise.

She rose and hurried out into the waiting room as Jensen dragged himself behind his desk and thudded into the chair, trying to hide his heavy breathing.

‘Jensen,’ Sam dithered a moment, ‘I – you should be – ’

‘Already took enough time off work, thanks, Sam,’ Jensen said gruffly, shortly, avoiding looking at her face.

Sam stared at him. ‘Jensen – ’

‘I said I’m _fine_ , Sam, Jesus Christ,’ Jensen snapped, flinging up both hands and glaring hotly at her. ‘Can I just pretend I’m not fuckin’ useless for a bit and do some fuckin’ work?’

The concern slid from Sam’s face and her jaw tightened a moment. ‘Fine,’ she said curtly, before turning and stalking into her office, slamming the door behind her.

Jensen winced, bit his lip and dropped his gaze back to the computer screen. He wasn’t being fair to Sam, he knew, but he was on edge, his head still pounding, sweat still beading on his forehead, limbs and muscles twitching spasmodically and craving for a liquid he couldn’t have.

Gen arrived a half hour later, greeted him with a perky smile and a wave. ‘Heya, Jenny-babe!’ she sing-songed. ‘Glad to see you’re feeling better! Sam said you’ve been sick the past few days –’ she paused, squinted at him, ‘and no offense dude, but you still look like crap.’

Jensen tried to ignore the twinge of guilt in realising that Sam had obviously been covering for him at the very least to Gen – telling her he was “ _sick_ ” rather than “ _a drunken useless alpha_ ” – which would be the terms he would have used. He tried to smile at the small beta, felt his mouth twist into more of a pained grimace.

‘I’m fine, Gen’ he told her.

‘Uh-huh’ Gen said sceptically, and clearly didn’t believe him for one second.

He pushed through to lunchtime, though he could not have told anyone what he actually did throughout that time – his head was still hazy and pounding and he could hardly focus. It may have been he’d simply sat at his desk and stared at the computer screen for all those hours. He ran a hand down his face and glanced to the empty glass on his desk, contemplating getting some water. He was parched, but his stomach seemed to want to rebel any and all substances he ingested, water included.

He was still gazing at the glass, half still-deciding, half-tuned out, unfocused as he was, when he heard the front door open. Jensen tore his eyes away and blinked blearily as he heard footsteps approach. He grimaced. _Clients - just what he needed_.

Sam, he decided, would have to be ok with the fact that the first sight that greeted her clients at the moment would consist of blood-shot eyes, dishevelled, greasy hair, unshaven cheeks, sickly, sweaty skin, and the pits of his shirt stained with sweat.

Maybe it would tie in with her do-gooder image, with him basically looking like she’d hired him homeless from the streets, he contemplated. Equal opportunity workplace and all that.

The client-visitor – whoever they were – stepped into the waiting room and Jensen tensed a little. It was unmistakably an alpha; he was tall and lean, clad in an expensive, extremely well-fitting suit that stretched across broad shoulders. His hair was light blonde, artfully styled, his eyes a light, unnerving blue and there was a lilt to his lips, smug and self-satisfied all in one. It set Jensen’s teeth on edge in an instant. There was more movement in the hallway and he glanced to see two other alphas hovering in the doorway, both suited and incredibly broad and muscled, faces impassive and stoic.

Jensen rose to his feet, putting a hand to the tabletop to steady himself as he did so. ‘Can I help you?’ he called out sharply.

The alpha turned to him, arching an eyebrow. His cool blue eyes scanned Jensen from head to toe, taking in every inch, before effectively dismissing him as he turned and stepped towards Sam’s closed door.

‘Just here to see Ms Smith’ he said.

Jensen’s hip screamed in protest and he couldn’t stop the pronounced limp as he lurched around the side of the desk, and attempted to intercede the alpha.

‘Do you have an appointment?’ he growled.

The alpha stopped walking and turned his attention back to Jensen. Jensen pulled to a halt in front of Sam’s door, wobbled a little as his hip twinged, and tried to draw himself up, tried to straighten his shoulders. The alpha gazed a moment, then smiled.

‘I can assure you,’ he said smoothly, ‘I don’t need to bother with such formalities as appointments.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Jensen sneered. ‘And who exactly might you be then?’

The alpha didn’t answer, just slowly inclined his head to one side, a flicker of curiosity on his features. ‘I don’t believe I caught your name?’

Jensen jutted his jaw out. ‘Didn’t say it,’ he replied curtly. ‘You gonna tell me yours?’

The alpha looked faintly amused, and Jensen felt his anger spike even more, before Sam’s door opened and the beta started to emerge.

‘Jensen, have you seen the –’ she stopped dead, seeing the alpha, and suddenly her face paled, body tensed.

‘ _You! You -_ you shouldn’t - _you can't be here!’_ the words were harsh, angry, and Jensen had never heard Sam use that tone before.

‘Ms Smith’ the alpha’s smile was oily.

‘Restraining order, Mark,’ Sam snapped, and Jensen could see, could detect the finest shake to her hands. ‘Does that mean nothing to you?’

It took a moment – a second – before the name sunk in – _Mark_ – and when it did – when it _did_ something jolted in Jensen – when it did it was like a punch to the gut, the world suddenly off-kilter – because – _because no, it couldn’t be_ – _it couldn’t be_ –

The alpha – _Mark_ – spread his arms wide, tilted his head to one side. ‘Oh, I’m quite aware of your little… inconvenience. But I’m also aware to whom it applies. And I know he’s not here, Ms Smith.’

Sam’s jaw clenched. ‘You’ve been s -’

‘Not spying, Ms Smith,’ Mark rolled his eyes, ‘I’m just well aware of my pet’s cycles, you know. If he were here, I’d smell that sweetness from a mile away.’

‘ _You fucker_ –’ Jensen found his voice, took a step forward, felt a surge of anger, of hatred, overriding everything else.

‘Jensen –’ Sam grabbed his arm warningly.

‘Jensen,' Mark repeated slowly, then a light of recognition appeared in his eyes, 'Jensen _Ackles_ ’ and he drew out the name into a drawl.

Jensen started a little and he stopped, caught off guard.

‘Oh _yes_ ,’ Mark chuckled. ‘I am _well_ aware of who you are. I know _all_ about you.’

‘Then you know I’m about ready to _rip your fuckin’ head off_ \- ’ Jensen growled, shaking off the shock as he stepped in towards Mark.

‘ _Jensen_ – ’ Sam said again, warningly, tightening her grip.

There was movement and the two muscled alphas suddenly loomed behind Mark, bodies tensed.

‘Down boys,’ Mark held a hand aloft. ‘Everything is under control.’

‘You need to leave, Mark,’ Sam stepped up next to Jensen. ‘You need to get off my property – ’

‘Ms Smith,’ Mark spread his hands, ‘I just wished to have a cordial discussion –’

‘We have _nothing_ to discuss,’ Sam snapped, ‘you know the court date –'

‘Oh, are we still bothering with _that_ little farce?’ Mark rolled his eyes. ‘Please, Ms Smith, this entire thing is tiresome. Just have Jared pack his things and return home and save yourself the trouble.’

‘Fuckin’ – _fuck you_ – ’ Jensen burst out, and yanked his arm from Sam’s grip, grabbed Mark by the shirtfront. ‘ _You’re not going to fuckin’ touch_ – ’

‘Jensen, don’t!’ Sam shouted.

A heavy hand thudded onto Jensen’s shoulder, wrenched him back from Mark, one of the other alpha’s suddenly crowding him. Jensen twisted.

‘ _Get your fuckin’ mitts offa me_!’ he spat.

‘Boys! I said, down!’ Mark rapped out. ‘This is under control!’

The alpha released Jensen and he whirled the instant the grip left his shoulder, snarling at Mark - but Mark moved quickly – too quickly for Jensen to see – one moment standing calmly – the next ramming his fist directly into Jensen’s hip, directly into where the bullet had gone in – and there was an explosion of pain and his leg crumpled, folded under him like a deck of cards and he dropped to the ground with a groaning gasp, landed hard on his hands, dizzy, reeling a moment.

‘ _Jensen_!’ Sam shrieked, half lunging forward.

‘Boys’ Mark said casually.

And in a second one of the alpha’s had grabbed Sam, restrained her and the beta gave a cry, struggling. Mark dropped to a crouch in front of Jensen, grabbed him by the front of his shirt, twisted it tight until the fabric cut into his throat and Jensen choked a little, grabbed and scrabbled at the grip – but he was weak, _weak_ from the detox, with his hip throbbing, pulsating pain -

Mark leant in close, too close, lips near Jensen’s ear, the overpowering scent of the other alpha clogging his nose. ‘I _know_ you fucked him recently,’ Mark hissed, voice too low for others to hear. ‘I can still smell him on you. You better believe I’ll make that omega slut _pay_ for spreading his legs for you when I get him back.’

‘Fuck – _you sonofa_ – ’ Jensen gurgled out.

Mark pulled back, eyes raking his face. ‘You know I used to see you as a threat,’ he said softly, and his face twisted a little. ‘This looming spectre. The alpha he loved. It always seemed no matter _what_ I did,’ the twisted look curled into a sick sort of smile, ‘no matter _how_ much I broke him, I could _never_ , ever _beat_ or _fuck_ the… the _you_ out of him –’

‘ _Asshole_ – ’ Jensen rasped.

‘But now? Now I’ve met you? Now I’ve seen the snivelling, _pathetic_ wreck of an alpha you are?’ Mark gave a laugh, cold and icy. ‘Well, let’s just say I’ll have to thank Jared for this little hissy fit he’s chucking, because it gave me the opportunity to see you and realise I have _nothing_ to worry about at all.’

Jensen’s jaw tightened, tensed, he balled his fists.

‘Going to punch me, Ackles?’ Mark smiled.

Then his head shot forward and he head-butted Jensen square in the nose. There was a burst of pain, of blood and Jensen’s head snapped back, a noise punching itself from his throat –

‘Good luck with that,’ Mark gave a throaty laugh. ‘You know, maybe I should nip this in the bud right now, huh? Take care of bus – ’

‘Get the _fuck_ out of this house now,’ Gen’s voice suddenly spoke up, clear and firm, ‘or else I’ll blow your friggen brains out.’

Mark’s head snapped up and turned to see the beta standing at her open doorway, arms outstretched, hands gripping a small, black handgun tightly.

Mark rose to his feet. ‘Oh _come_ now, Miss Cortese – ’ he began.

‘I mean it Mark!’ there was a tiny hint of shrillness to Gen’s voice, betraying her nerves. ‘I’m a goddamn law student – I can make this look like self defence!’

Mark let out a long breath and rolled his eyes. ‘Please. There’s no need for dramatics,’ he clicked his fingers, ‘boys, come, we’ll take our leave.’

The alpha holding Sam released her and she instantly stumbled away from him, body shaking, jaw tight. Mark headed for the doorway, paused momentarily, then glanced back, smiling at Sam.

‘Do wrap this whole little thing up before the thirtieth of next month will you?’ he said pleasantly. ‘Jared and I have a ball to attend then, you see.’

Then he was gone, the sound of footsteps receding, the door opening and closing, and then silence. Gen dropped her hands to her sides, let out a whoosh of air.

‘Holy fuck – holy shit – holy crap –’ she babbled.

Jensen struggled to get to his feet, felt the cloying thickness of blood trickle to his upper lip, felt his hip throb and pulse.

Sam stepped towards him, stretched out a hand. ‘Here – I can – ’ she offered.

‘I don’t need your fuckin’ help!’ Jensen snapped, smacking her hand away.

He grabbed onto the waiting room couch, used it to stumble, stagger upright, felt his chest heave – didn’t know if it in was anger, pain or - or - or _shame_ – because _fuck_ , he’d been _so_ useless, _so fucking useless_ –

‘I was just trying – ’ Sam started.

‘Well, fuckin’ _don’t_!’ Jensen shouted at her, because he _needed_ to lash out, needed to _blame_ , to _yell_ at someone, _anyone_ , and he flung a hand at Gen. ‘You shoulda fuckin’ shot him – you shoulda fuckin –’

‘Be a bit hard with this’ Gen said, and gave a faintly hysterical laugh as she lifted the gun, clicked the trigger and a tiny flame appeared at the end of the nozzle.

It was a goddamn lighter.

Sam let out a bark of laughter, shaky and off-key. ‘Holy shit, Gen’ she shook her head.

Gen gave a manic giggle. ‘Never in a million years – I thought he’d see right through it.’

Sam started to chuckle with her and Jensen felt the laughter grate down his frayed nerves, exacerbate the pulsing in his head, in his hip, in his nose and he wanted to tell them to _shut up_ , to tell them to _stop laughing_ – because _none_ of it was funny, _none of it was_ – he started to stagger a little towards the doorway – needed to get away from them –

‘Jensen’ Sam had stopped laughing, was stepping towards him.

‘Leave me alone’ Jensen muttered.

 _Fucking useless_ , the voice hissed in his head. _Fucking useless alpha._

‘Fucking useless’ it fell from his lips in a mutter.

‘Jensen,’ Sam was still close, ‘you’re not –’

‘Sam, I said – ’ Jensen started to snap.

‘ _Oh for the love of_ – yeah I heard what you _goddamn said_!’ Sam suddenly exploded and it stopped Jensen in his tracks. ‘I heard it – I’ve heard it – _over and over_ – again and again and will you just – will you just – just _stop_ it! Just _stop it_ goddamit Jensen! _Just stop it!_ ’

Jensen was frozen, staring at her, mouth slightly parted. Gen made a noise, took a step towards her office.

‘I’m just going to…’ she said quietly, ducking her head and backing into the office.

Sam didn’t seem to hear her, to notice her – there was a flush of rage high on her cheekbones, her eyes were livid, sparkling blue and she was breathing hard.

‘Sam…’ Jensen tried.

‘No – _no_ you _listen_ to me! You _listen to me_!’ Sam shouted shrilly, and jammed a finger into his chest. ‘It’s my turn – it’s _my_ turn to talk now! You got it? God – I’m – I’m _trying_ here, Jensen! I’m _trying so goddamn hard_ and you just – I just – ’ Sam threw her hands up. ‘I just – I _can’t_ anymore! I don’t – god, I don’t even know who you are anymore! Because this,’ she flung a hand, ‘this – this – this _self-pitying_ – this _self-absorbed_ – this _miserable_ – this _isn’t_ my friend, this isn’t the Jensen I remember – this isn’t even close! And you – you what? You’ve had it _hard_? You’ve had it hard? _Newsflash_ , Jensen, we _all_ have! We’ve _all_ had it hard! You think the past few years have been a picnic for me? For _Jared_? You think you’re the only one who’s struggled? But we don’t – we don’t _mope_! We don’t wallow! We don’t – I just – I just _can’t_! _I can’t_!’

Her shoulders slumped, breath leaving her body, eyes dropping to the ground and Jensen couldn’t move, couldn’t think, felt like his brain had frozen, his heart had stopped.

‘You know… you know what?’ Sam dragged her hand through her hair, blinking rapidly. ‘You know what? I’m – god, I’m _glad_ JD isn’t here. I’m _glad_ he’s not around to – to see you. To see this. Because god, he’d be so disappointed. He’d be so goddamn disappointed in you.’

It was like a sucker punch to the gut and Jensen felt like he couldn’t breathe for a moment. Sam started to rub at her face, shaking her head.

‘I have… I have to go,’ she mumbled, and started for the door. ‘I just – tell Gen to take messages for me. I have to go.’

Then she was grabbing her keys and her coat by the door, yanking the door open and slamming it shut behind her.

And Jensen – Jensen stood frozen in the middle of the waiting room and felt a little like his entire world had been pulled out from underneath him.

 

**

It was nearing eleven at night when Sam came home.

Jensen was on the front porch, sitting in one of the chairs of the outdoor setting, a small table alongside him. There was a beer on the table, unopened, long since cooled, verging on warm now, the remnants of the puddle formed by the dripping condensation still clinging to the base, still evident on the table. Sam swung her car into the driveway and parked up, clambered from the front seat, glanced to the door, saw Jensen and paused only momentarily, before she straightened her shoulders and headed towards him. She stopped in front of him. Jensen looked at her, then out across the yard.

‘I didn’t drink it,’ he said. ‘I wanted to. But I didn’t.’

‘Good,’ Sam said, then, ‘do you mind if I do then?’

Jensen huffed a laugh. ‘Go for it.’

The beta grabbed the beer, unscrewed the cap and took a swig as she sat down in the other chair alongside Jensen.

‘Where’d you go?’ Jensen asked after a moment’s silence.

Sam shrugged, took another sip. ‘Just drove around. Thought of making a break to Canada, but then,’ she gave a little smile, ‘but then I thought, who’d be around to keep your ass in check if I left?’

Jensen felt his heart twinge. ‘Sam…’ he sighed.

‘No, Jensen, I – look, I’m sorry,’ Sam cut across, voice soft. ‘I shouldn’t have… those things I said, I was out of line. I was just – stressed. With Mark. With… with you. But I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry. And… and JD. What I said. It’s not… he’d never have been disappointed with you, Jensen. _Never_.’

Jensen glanced at her and gave a twisted smile. ‘You so sure about that?’

‘ _Yes_ ,’ Sam said firmly. ‘He’d have wanted to kick your ass, sure. But you’d never… you could never disappoint him.’

Jensen let out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. ‘You know… you know you were right,’ he said finally. ‘With everyone you said. You were right.’

‘Jen…’ Sam started.

‘No, you _were_ ,’ Jensen interrupted. ‘I… fuck, I’ve been so selfish. So fuckin’ selfish, Sam. And so fuckin’ wrapped up in myself I couldn’t even see it. So fuckin’ wrapped up in wallowing, in feelin’ sorry for myself. So fuckin’ wrapped up in everything I’ve done wrong, in all I’ve fucked up that I didn’t… didn’t realise what I should be doin’ is… is tryna fix it. Is tryna make things better, you know? Is just… is just tryin.’ Jus’… jus’ _tryin_ ’.’

Sam met his gaze, reached across the table and slid her slim hand over his, giving it a squeeze.

‘You’re a good guy, Jensen,’ she said softly. ‘You _are_. And a great alpha.’

Jensen ignored the voice that hissed that she was wrong, only gave a tremulous smile in return, before glancing out across the front yard. There was a silence between them before Sam spoke up, her voice soft, a little thick.

‘I miss him,’ she whispered. ‘JD. I still miss him, you know?’

Jensen felt his heart break a little and he turned his hand over to grasp hers and squeeze tightly. ‘I know, Sam. I miss him too.’

‘And it’s hard sometimes,’ Sam blinked, eyes watery. ‘It’s so goddam hard. _All_ of this. _Everything_. This job. And I just – just wonder if it’s even worth it, if I’m even making a difference –’

‘You _are_ Sam,’ Jensen interrupted firmly. ‘Lissen to me – you _are_ , ok? You… there are people… people at the end of their tether, right? Who are… who are contemplating an out. Like,’ he paused, then continued, ‘like me. Like Jared. And you saved them. _Us_. You gave us a second chance, Sam.’

Sam gave him a wet smile, swiped at her eyes. ‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ Jensen nodded, ‘yeah, Sam. An’ I’m not gonna fuck it up, ok?’

Then he set his jaw, repeated himself and wasn’t sure who he was talking to, Sam or himself.

‘Not gonna fuck it up this time.’

 

**

 

Jared returned after two more days. Of course, Jensen didn’t know about it until the third day of the omega’s return – and while it hurt to know Jared was avoiding him, to be honest it was not particularly surprising given the circumstances surrounding Jared’s departure. He suspected he might have gone even longer not knowing the omega had returned, were it not for the fact that he was still a little off from his second detox, still not sleeping well, and it saw him awake at 3am, and deciding to get up and make some food or do _something_ that wasn’t just lying on his bed, gazing at his ceiling, frustratingly awake. So he was out in the hallway, leaning on his cane, hip still aggravated from the run in with Mark – and _boy_ did his stomach clench, fury burn in his very soul at the mere _thought_ of the alpha – and about to head to the kitchen when he heard a faint noise from the bathroom down the hallway.

Jensen paused mid-step, cocked his head to one side, listening. When a moment passed and there was nothing, he gave a little shrug and was about to dismiss it when he heard the noise again – and this time it registered. The retch, the harsh cough. Someone was throwing up in the bathroom.

Instantly on alert, concerned, Jensen wheeled around, limping towards the bathroom. He drew near, heard another retch, the splatter and his own gut churned in sympathy as he winced. He lifted a hand to knock.

‘Hey,’ he called softly through the wood. ‘Everything ok in there?’

There was silence on the other side of the door.

Jensen shifted. ‘Sam?’ he ventured.

There was more silence and Jensen lifted a hand to knock again when a voice that was decidedly _not_ Sam’s spoke up, shaky and a little quiet.

‘’S’fine, go away.’

 _Jared_. Jensen’s heart did a strange flip and twist in his chest and he felt a surge of “ _holy shit the omega was back_ ” which was followed sharply by a wave of worry and concern, because _“holy shit the omega was sick_."

‘Jared?’ he couldn’t stop the concern in his voice, his tone going up an octave in anxiety. ‘Jared, are you ok?'

‘’M fine!’ the voice snapped back testily, a little stronger than before. ‘Go away!’

And well, of course there was _no_ chance Jensen would be doing that. Firstly, he needed to see with his own eyes that Jared was indeed ok, because the sound of vomiting was leading to him believe that he very much was _not_. And secondly – secondly, well, he’d been waiting for days for the omega’s return to see him, talk to him. He’d meant what he’d told Sam the other night – he was going to make things _right_. He _wasn’t_ going to fuck up this time. And that meant he was not going to fuck up with Jared again.

So he went silent and he waited. He waited until the toilet flushed and waited until the omega clearly thought he’d given up and left. Waited until the door opened and a pale, sweaty looking omega was revealed, hair a mess, face a sickly pallor, dressed in oversized sweatpants and a hoodie, looking so small, so vulnerable, so ill that it was all Jensen could do to prevent himself from dragging Jared to his chest in a powerful, crushing hug.

Jared saw him, eyes widening and he started a little. ‘What –’ he blurted, then his face fell and he blew a sigh of frustration. ‘I _said_ I’m fine.’

‘You were throwing up,’ Jensen pointed out. ‘Are you sick? Is everything ok?’

Jared snorted and made to move past Jensen. ‘What do _you_ care - ’

Jensen felt a flare of anger and snagged the omega’s arm. ‘Jesus Christ, Jared, you _know_ I care. You _know_ I do –’

‘I’m tired, Jen,’ Jared sighed, tugged his arm out of the alpha’s grip. ‘I’m going to bed – ’

‘Jared, stop – we need to – we need to talk’ Jensen spun, tried to stop Jared moving again.

‘We really don’t’ Jared said flatly.

‘The _hell_  we don’t,’ Jensen snapped, and grabbed the back of his hoodie, dragging him to a halt. ‘What happened the other night? You don’t think we need to talk about that, huh?’

‘No,’ Jared responded. ‘We had sex, big deal.’

‘Big – _big deal_?’ Jensen spluttered. ‘Uh – yeah, _big fucking deal_ , Jared – _very_ big fucking deal, we need to talk about what it meant –’

‘It didn’t _mean_ anything! Jesus Christ, Jensen!’ Jared whirled around, throwing both hands up. ‘I mean I gave you what you wanted, didn’t I?’

Jensen recoiled like he’d been hit. ‘What I – what I wanted…?’

‘Yeah, _a quick fuck_ – that’s all you alphas want isn’t it?’ Jared was suddenly sneering, a horrible, harsh look on his face. ‘Quick roll in the hay with the omega?’

‘Stop it,’ Jensen said quietly. ‘You know – you know I’m not like that.’

‘ _Aren’t_ you?’ Jared loomed into his space, pushed at his chest. ‘ _Aren’t_ you, Jensen? Sure seemed like you _were_ the other night – seemed like you were pretty fucking keen to knot me up good then – ’

Jensen pushed back, tried to move away from the omega.

‘Don’t,’ he snapped. ‘ _Don’t_ – I wasn’t – it wasn’t like that!’

‘ _Sure_ it was, Jensen,’ Jared leered. ‘You think you’re different to other alphas, but the instant an omega spreads their legs for you, you’re all the same.’

Jensen couldn’t breathe, felt suddenly sick. ‘Shut up.’

Jared snorted, and turned away, shaking his head. ‘I’m going to bed, Jensen. Good night.’

Then the omega was gone, vanished down the hallway and Jensen lasted all of one minute before he was scrambling to the bathroom and retching into the toilet.

 

**

 

Jensen didn’t give up.

He _wanted_ to. He _wanted_ to give up, he _wanted_ to drink and fall back into a blissful state of numb oblivion. But he didn’t. He didn’t because he’d _promised_ Sam, dammit. He’d promised Sam and he’d promised _himself_. And – and he was _angry_. Angry at Jared – because… because his memories may have been hazy of that night, but he knew – he _knew_ it hadn’t been like _that_. He hadn’t been some… some _knothead_ alpha only thinking about fucking an omega. He _hadn’t_. There _had_ been something off that night, sure, but he’d never gone into Jared’s room that night with the intention of knotting him, and he’d _never_ have forced himself on the omega. His memories were hazy at best, but it had been consensual and – and Jared had initiated it – hadn’t he? He could hardly remember, but the snatches he could, he would swear up and down Jared had been the one to start things.

Not that it mattered – that wasn’t even the point. The point _was_ that he _wasn’t_ some knothead alpha because he _cared_ about Jared. _God_ how he cared about Jared. Christ, he was still in _love_ with the omega. He would never – _never_ just be after Jared for a “ _quick roll in the hay_.” Hell, if Jared told him he wanted to be with Jensen forever but on the condition that they never have sex again – Jensen would accept in a heartbeat, he _would_. _Anything_ to be with the omega again.

So he didn’t give up. He tried for another two days to catch the omega, to talk to Jared, and was met with frustrating glimpses of the omega as he bolted from the room each time Jensen entered. It was driving him near-on insane and as much as he was telling himself he _wasn’t_ going to give up, damned if it didn’t seem like he probably just _should_.

Until it was 3am again, and Jensen was awake, and someone was vomiting in the toilet.

Jensen was moving down the corridor as fast as his hip would allow, heart rate accelerating, a mixture of fear and apprehension at seeing Jared again, at what other words may be exchanged, and concern because – because the omega was _still_ sick? Was _still_ vomiting? _Was there something wrong with him_?

He reached the bathroom, thought briefly about knocking, then thought, _fuck it_ , tried the handle and was more than a little surprised when it turned and the door swung in.

Jared, huddled on the floor next to the toilet, looking completely miserable, jumped, head jolting up as Jensen stood in the doorway.

‘ _Jesus fucking_ – have you heard of _knocking_?’ Jared’s face flushed, and he grabbed the side of the toilet, made to heave himself up. ‘Get out!’

‘No,’ Jensen said shortly, then, ‘I – we should take you to the doctors.’

‘I don’t _need_ – just – just get _out_ , dammit, Jensen!’ Jared flailed a hand angrily at him.

‘Jared – ’ Jensen started.

‘I _said_ – ’ Jared growled, right before his face paled, he stopped mid-sentence, made a gurgling noise, and promptly dropped down to his knees, lurching over the toilet to retch violently.

Jensen was at his side in a second, dropping to his knees, ignoring the pain in his hip, and he reached up, caught the sweaty strands of hair and pushed them back from Jared’s face. Jared made a sobbing noise, heaved again and spat nothing, saliva hanging from his mouth, tears welling in his eyes.

‘Fucking – _fuck_ – ’ he garbled, then retched again, painfully, dry-heaving.

Jensen moved a hand to his back, stroked gently. ‘Hey, easy, easy’ he murmured.

Jared made one last heave, spat saliva and bile into the toilet, then, blinking, tears squeezing from the corner of his eyes, slumped back against the bathtub he was alongside, gazing miserably at Jensen. Jensen drew back, struggled to his feet, grabbed a glass from the side of the basin, filled it with water, then eased himself back down and held it out to Jared.

‘Here’ he said quietly.

The omega stared at the glass, then gave a little sob. ‘Why won’t you leave me alone?’

Jensen felt his heart clench painfully and he swallowed. Jared reached out, took the glass in shaking hands and took a gulp, swilled it in his mouth, then leaned up to spit it into the toilet. He fell back against the bathtub, stared down at the glass, exhaustion clear in every inch of his body.

‘You should… you should go to the doctors, Jared’ Jensen said softly.

Jared gave a laugh that sounded more like a sob. ‘I don’t need to go to the doctors, Jensen,’ his voice was tired, worn. ‘I _know_ what’s wrong.’

Jensen’s brows knitted together. ‘I don’t – what’s – ’

‘Fucking hell,’ Jared laughed again, bitterly, and his head fell back, gazing at the ceiling. ‘I’m fucking pregnant Jensen.’

All the breath left Jensen in a whoosh. He fell back from his squat onto his ass. Stared at Jared.

‘I – pregnant?’ He tried to swallow, but his mouth was too try.

Tried to think, but couldn’t.

‘Pregnant?’ his voice rose. ‘ _Pregnant?’_

Jared let out a long sigh.

Jensen suddenly felt sick. ‘Oh _fuck_ – oh _Christ_ – _Mark_ – is it –’

‘Mark?’ Jared’s head fell forward again, and the omega stared at him. ‘It’s not – it’s not _Mark’s_ , Jensen. It’s _yours_.’

For a brief moment it felt like something exploded in Jensen’s chest, a feeling he couldn’t identify, and his vision blurred, faded, then returned and –

‘I don’t – ’ his mouth was forming words but it didn’t feel like his brain was ordering it to, ‘how – I don’t – ’

‘I was – it was,’ Jared rubbed a hand on his face. ‘Fuck, that night. You came into my room. Jensen, my _heat_ was starting the next day. _That’s_ why I was going to Sandy’s. I should’ve… I should’ve left early, it was already… already starting. And then you – you – the alpha pheromones must’ve… it just jumpstarted it. And then… then the next morning I woke up and I felt fine. Heat gone. And… fuck, I _knew_ straight away. _Straight away_. Only _one_ thing makes a heat go away straight away. Pregnancy. I…fuck I just panicked. I just panicked and ran to Sandy’s and… fuck. Just. _Fuck_.’

And the words filtered into Jensen’s brain, started to register and things started to make sense – the desperation of the omega, the frenetic edge to him that night, Sam saying he would be at Sandy’s because it would be _safer_ – would be _safer_ away from alphas – alphas like _him_ – like _him_ who – _who would_ -

Jensen lurched forward and promptly vomited into the toilet.

‘Jensen?’ Jared scrambled into a sitting position, startled.

‘Oh _Jesus_ – fuck – _Christ_ – ’ Jensen moaned.

He felt Jared touch his back and he gave a cry and wrenched away, half scrabbled backwards.

‘ _Don’t_! Don’t touch me! Fuck – _how can you even_ – how can you – after I _– oh god_ , I – I – ’

‘Jensen, what are you – ’ Jared looked alarmed.

‘I fucking _raped_ you!’ Jensen blurted out, and he wanted to throw up, wanted to be sick again, wanted to punch himself, hurt himself. ‘Oh _fuck_ – you were in _heat_ – you were in heat and I – I – you were in heat and you didn’t even want – oh fuck, Jared, _Jay_ – ’

‘Jensen – ’

‘Fuck, I’m just as bad as that – that _fucker_ – Christ, you were right, I’m just – _just another fucking alpha_ \- just another –’

‘Jensen, _stop_!’ Jared grabbed his knees, shook them. ‘Stop! Just listen to me ok? You didn’t – you didn’t rape me – ’

Jensen couldn’t stop the little groan at the word, closing his eyes tightly.

‘ – I said, stop – you _didn’t_ rape me, ok? You didn’t force me? Jensen, _look at me_!’

And Jensen slowly, reluctantly opened his eyes, met Jared’s gaze.

‘You didn’t force me to do _anything_ ,’ Jared said slowly, carefully. ‘I wasn’t – I wasn’t out of my mind with heat, ok? Trust me. I’ve been… I’ve been in that mindset before – the mindset I was in when you rocked up, and I’ve… I’ve told Mark no while I’ve felt like that. I’ve said no if I wanted to. And… and I didn't... I didn’t want to say no to you. I wanted… I _wanted_ you. The stuff… the stuff I said the other day… I just… ‘ Jared swallowed and he dropped his gaze this time. ‘I just wanted to hurt you. I just… I’m so fucking _scared_ and freaked out Jensen. So fucking freaked out. So I just… I just lashed out. I just wanted to hurt… someone.’

Jensen stared at him, tried to control his breathing. ‘Why?’ he whispered hoarsely.

Jared blinked, glanced back up. ‘Why did I want to hurt you? Like I said, I – ’

‘No,’ Jensen licked dry lips, ‘why did you want me? Why did you want me that night?’

Jared let go of his knees, pulled back, sucking in a sharp breath. ‘I – I… I…’ and then his face crumpled. ‘God, because – because it’s _always_ you, it’s _always fucking been_ you. Always, and it hasn’t stopped and I hate it – god I _hate_ it – because I want – I _want_ to hate you so much, I want to, I want to _hate_ you and _blame_ you and I can’t – I just _can’t_ – and I’m so,’ a sob broke out of the omega’s chest and his head dropped into his hands, ‘I’m so messed up, Jensen, I’m so _messed up_.'

Jensen was crawling towards him in an instant. ‘Jared – _Jay_ – ’

Jared dropped his hands, face red, tears flooding his eyes. ‘You hurt me – you hurt me _so much_ – so much it was like I couldn’t _breathe_ , I couldn’t do _anything_ – and it makes me – I just – _why can’t I hate you_? Why do I still – _still_ – ’ the omega’s breath hitched, broke. ‘God and when – when it all went to shit with Mark – I wanted you _so_ badly - I wanted you so badly to – to rescue me – and I thought – Sam – Sam could get me close to you – could – god, I don’t even know – I’m so pathetic –’

‘You’re not’ Jensen whispered and he wanted to reach, to touch, to comfort, but didn’t know if he was allowed, if he should.

‘- and then when I saw you, when I saw you and you – you looked at me – you looked at me like I was – like I was still that omega – that omega you knew and – and I’m _not_ ,’ Jared’s face broke again and a sob burst from his lungs, painful sounding and harsh, ‘god, I’m _not him_ anymore – I fucked it up, I lost it all – and now when I see you I just – I just see who I was, what I threw away and I see you look at me like I’m still him – but I’m not him, Jensen, I’m not him anymore – I’m not – I’m so – I’m so _broken_ , Jensen, I’m so _broken_ , I’m – ’

And Jensen couldn’t stand it any longer, lurching forward and wrapping his arms around the omega. Jared fell, easily, heavily into his chest, and Jensen tightened his grip, held on like he could fix Jared with his touch, like he could wrap all the broken pieces of the omega back up and push them into place, like he could do anything – _anything_ at all to help.

He pressed his lips into Jared’s hair, felt the wetness spread across his shirt as the omega cried into his chest, felt his own eyes prickle and blur, his throat tight and closed. He didn’t know how long they sat there, his hip was starting to go numb, to ache, but he paid it no mind, just held the omega in his arms and listened at the sobs abated, as the breathing slowed and calmed.

He waited until he could feel the tears had settled before he spoke, softly. ‘You’re not broken, Jay,’ he whispered softly, ‘you’re so strong. You know that right? So goddamn strong.’

Jared made a huffing noise and pulled back, Jensen reluctantly letting his arms fall away from around the omega. He hesitated, then reached out and cupped Jared’s chin gently.

‘You’re not broken’ he repeated gently.

He held the omega’s gaze for a while, steadily, before he slowly let his hand drop, swallowed hard and glanced to his hands.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘And I know I’ve said it before. But I am, Jared. So sorry for everything.’

Jared let out a soft sigh. ‘I know,’ he whispered. ‘And you… it’s not all your fault, Jensen. You didn’t make me agree to mate Mark, that was on me. It’s not all your fault.’

Jensen wanted to argue, but he thought the better of it, and a silence fell between them.

‘So you’re… pregnant,’ Jensen said finally, and the feeling that had previously exploded in his chest started to flutter around once more. ‘And it’s… it’s mine?’

‘Yeah,’ Jared shifted and Jensen saw one hand go to his stomach. ‘Yeah I…’

He stopped, swallowed. Jensen tried not to look at Jared’s stomach, tried not to stare.

‘So what… what do you… what do you…’ he struggled.

Jared’s hand tightened a little on his stomach, then he forced it to relax. ‘I… what do you…?’

‘No, no,’ Jensen rushed to say, ‘no – I – you should –’

‘I want to keep it’ Jared blurted out.

The relief, when it hit Jensen, was so overwhelming it almost floored him.

‘Yeah?’ he breathed.

‘Yeah, yeah I – I really do Jensen,’ Jared babbled, ‘and I know I said I was freaked – and god, I _am_ , so freaked – but I want it. I _want_ it so badly.’

‘Me too’ Jensen’s voice came out too loud, too eager.

‘Yeah?’ Jared gave a little smile.

Jensen nodded and finally let his gaze settle on Jared’s stomach. And he knew what the feeling in his chest now was – happiness. Overwhelming, honest to goodness happiness. There was fear, panic, of course, but _Christ_ – a _baby_. _His_ baby. _Jared’s_ baby. _Their_ baby.

‘Jensen’ Jared said quietly.

The serious tone of the omega had Jensen looking up automatically.

Jared rubbed at his chin. ‘I want… I want us to… I want us to have this child, together, and I want – it’s yours as much as mine, it is. But I can’t…’ Jared blinked a little, glanced away, ‘I can’t… not _together_ -together. Not as a… I just. I can’t do that. What happened… I don’t… I can’t do it again. With you. Not again.’

It felt a little like something tore into Jensen’s heart, like it ripped a hole into his chest, like some of the happiness died instantly.

‘I’m sorry’ Jared said softly, and glanced up quickly, ‘but I still. Like I said. The baby. It’s yours too. As much as you want. It is.’

Jensen swallowed hard.

‘Ok,’ he said, and he couldn’t help his voice was a little croaky. ‘It’s ok Jared.’

And it was, really. It _was_. Because it was a start.

_It was a start._


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm so so sorry this update was so late; life has been super busy. BUT hopefully this update being super long makes up for it and you can all forgive me...? Yes? *insert Sammy puppy dog eyes*
> 
> And also we’re coming to the final chapters now (there’ll be one more action chapter and then an epilogue) so not too much longer before this one is complete! 
> 
> As always, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your patience, comments, kudos and love – it keeps me going & means the world to me :) <3 xx

It was… awkward for the few weeks afterwards.

It was better, of course, because, _Christ,_ prior to that night and Jared’s breakdown and the pregnancy reveal, they’d barely been speaking and Jared had been avoiding Jensen like the plague. Now the omega no longer bolted from the room when Jensen was there, and, while conversation was stilted to say the least, at least there _was_ conversation happening. So it _was_ better, it was just… _awkward_.

They’d never been friends, prior to their relationship, had really just fallen headfirst into being totally wrapped up in one another, and then, when it had abruptly ended, they hadn’t even communicated for three years. So working out how to act around each other was difficult. The pregnancy made it all the more complicated – the alpha in Jensen, puffed with the knowledge that it was _his_ child, that Jared was carrying _his_ baby, wanted to coddle and protect, wanted to hug and hold and be around Jared at all times. He couldn’t stop looking at Jared’s stomach and wanting – _wanting_ , _longing_ to touch. It was still flat, still no sign of a bump, no sign that there was a life growing inside, but Jensen _knew_ that there was, and that was enough to have his hands twitching, itching to stroke and touch, to connect to his unborn child.

This alpha need to protect and provide for omegas was also not helped by the fact that Jared, never one to do anything by halves, was clearly _not_ having the best start to his pregnancy. The nightly vomiting (and if not vomiting, then merely dry heaving, which almost seemed worse) was continuing, and Jensen was pretty sure the omega was throwing up throughout the day as well. He could barely keep much down, and, in the complete opposite to the “pregnancy glow” people pontificated about, the omega was looking wan and sickly, his skin a pasty shade of white, dark bags forming underneath his eyes.

It tore Jensen apart every time he looked at him. He’d taken to staying up at night, waiting for the omega’s inevitable nightly trip, and either hovering concernedly just outside the bathroom on nights when the omega growled at him to back off, or crouching in the bathroom, stroking the sweat-soaked back on nights when Jared wanted comfort.

Jensen was _desperate_ to help in some way, _any way_ , but on top of the awkwardness between the two making things difficult, he had no one to turn to ask what he should actually do. Jared was _adamant_ the pregnancy be kept under wraps for the time being, that neither Sam nor Gen be told about it. Jensen was loath to agree – something like a pregnancy at the very least Sam should know in case of the potential impact it might have on Jared’s case – but he was still on such precarious ground with the omega, he found himself acquiescing to his request in spite of his reservations, just keen to keep on Jared’s good side.

Which was how he found himself, having run out of avenues to explore, currently trying to navigate the World Wide Web, having typed into the search bar “ _how to deal with a difficult pregnancy – omega_ ” during a quiet time at work one day. It was more than a little daunting to see the millions of hits pop up, and Jensen blinked a few times at the screen, wondering where in the hell to even begin.

He started to go through the pages methodically and slowly, scrawling notes on his notepad, so thoroughly engrossed that he didn’t even realize that he’d been essentially neglecting his work for near on two hours until Gen suddenly seemed to appear behind him a whirlwind.

‘Hey, did you get my email about – _what the hell are you looking at_?’

Jensen made a startled noise, jumped in his seat, felt his face turn bright red and, flailing, hit the minimize button on the screen to get rid of the rather detailed scientific drawing of an omega’s womb he’d been studying ( _he liked to be thorough in his understanding, ok?)_

‘ _Nothing_! It just – spam – virus thing – popped up –’ he scrambled to say, whirling in his seat. ‘It wasn’t – what – email you say? I haven’t – ’

‘What are those?’ Gen swooped around him, grabbed the notepad.

‘ _Jesus_ – give it – _nothing_! Gen – _give it_ – ’ he lurched from his seat, made a grab for the notepad.

Gen danced backwards, too quick for him, eyes scanning over the pages. ‘What the – “ _morning sickness remedies_ ”? “ _Pregnancy meals_?” I – ’ Gen’s eyes flew to Jensen’s face, mouth agape. ‘Holy shit, Jensen are _you pregnant_?’

Jensen stopped mid-grab. ‘ _Am I_ – Jesus Christ Gen, I’m an _alpha_!’

‘Oh right’ Gen blinked.

Jensen took advantage of her momentary stillness, grabbing the notepad and yanking it from her hands.

‘Then what – why are you? That – _why_?’ Gen flailed her hands a little.

‘ _Nothing_! Like I said – it’s just – I was just…’ Jensen floundered a moment. ‘Jus’… jus’… widenin’ my horizons. Uh. Expandin’ my… uh, knowledge.’

‘By looking up _pregnancies_?’ Gen squawked loudly.

‘Will you – will you just keep your voice _down?_ ’ Jensen flapped a hand, casting an involuntary glance back at Sam’s door.

‘Why? What – _oh my god_! Is _Sam_ pregnant?’ Gen squealed, her hand flying to her mouth. ‘Is it Sam? Is that why – ’

‘No, goddamit, _no,_ Gen – it’s – Christ, _no one_ is pregnant ok?’ Jensen hissed. ‘No one! Just- just forget you ever saw this, ok?'

Gen stared at him a moment, then her eyes went impossibly wide. ‘Oh my god, it’s _Jared_.’

Jensen almost dropped the book. ‘What – _how_ – ’ he spluttered, went red, then rushed to speak, ‘I mean – _no,_ why would you even think – ’

‘Holy shit, it _is_ Jared!’ Gen squealed. ‘Holy – _holy_ – ’ a look of horror passed on her face, ‘oh my god, _Mark_ – ’

‘ _No_ , it’s not – ’ Jensen stopped, flailed a little. ‘ _I mean_ , he’s not pregnant, ok, he’s – ’

‘Oh thank _god_ it’s not Mark,’ Gen didn’t seem to be listening to his spluttering denials. ‘Then who –’ and then her eyes zeroed in on him, on the notepad, and realization dawned. ‘ _You_?! Oh my _godly god_ , it’s _yours_?!’

‘It – ’ Jensen sighed, deflated and gave in. ‘Yeah. Yeah, it’s mine. But you can’t – ’

Gen started to emit a high-pitched screeching noise that Jensen had never heard a human make before and Jensen started, lunged forward and clapped a hand over her mouth, stifling her. The noise halted in an indignant huff and Gen’s brows drew together in a glare.

‘You _can’t_ , as I was _going_ to say,’ Jensen hissed forcefully, ‘tell anyone yet, ok? So no,’ he struggled a moment for the right word, ‘no… _shriekin_ ’ ok?’

Gen’s brows unknitted. She bobbed her head behind his hand.

‘If I let you go are you gonna stop screamin’?’ Jensen eyed her.

Gen rolled her eyes. She nodded again.

‘Ok, good’ Jensen dropped his hand and took a step back.

Gen drew in a deep breath and for a second Jensen thought she was going to screech again, but she merely exhaled it softly and then met his gaze.

‘How,’ she began, ‘in the _fuck_ did that happen? I didn’t even – I’ve never even seen you two talk!’

Jensen sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. ‘It’s… it’s a long story, Gen and… I don’t… it’s not wholly my tale t’tell, y’know? So I can’t… let’s jus’ say Jared and I, we knew each other way back. Before Mark.’

‘You were a couple?’ Gen guessed.

‘Yeah, we… yeah we were, for a year’ Jensen nodded slowly.

‘What happ…’ Gen stopped, seeing the look on his face and held up a hand. ‘Ok, ok, none of my business. So… how did the… I mean how did you get him knocked up?’

Jensen made a face.

‘None of my business again I suppose?’ Gen sighed.

‘Well, I mean, if ya want a play by play I can give you that, but y’know, it could get a little R ra – ’

‘Ok, _ok_ , Jesus, I don’t need to hear about you two...’ Gen stopped, thought for a moment. ‘Well, actually – ’

‘ _Gen_ ’ Jensen rolled his eyes.

‘Kidding!’ Gen held up both hands, then slowly dropped them and eyed the notepad again. ‘So… so I take it Jared’s not coping well with the pregnancy yet?'

‘No,’ Jensen’s shoulders slumped. ‘I mean, it’s not uncommon, accordin’ to statistics, one in every ten omegas will have a complicated or hard pregnancy, you know?’

‘No, I didn't know, because, shockingly, I’m not as up to date in the latest birth and pregnancy statistics as you seem to be’ Gen’s lips switched.

Jensen flushed, rubbed the back of his neck. ‘I’ve been… researchin’. I jus’… I jus’ wanna help, y’know?’

Gen’s face softened. ‘That’s sweet,’ she said gently, then she bit her lip. ‘But – I mean… with the… secrecy… Sam, she should really know, there’s… I mean, the case, the mateship dissolution, the court date is in a month and she really does need all details – ’

‘I know, believe me, I _know_ ,’ Jensen said. ‘But it’s… it’s not my choice t’tell y’know? It’s Jared’s. An’ if he wants to… wants to hold off tellin’ anyone then that’s his decision an’ I’ll respect it.’

Gen sighed. ‘All right, I’ll… I’ll keep it under wraps. And I’ll make sure he doesn’t know I’ve found out either,’ she nodded. ‘And, listen, I’ve got to hit the road for a few hours to see a client – how about you do a list of the,’ she gestured vaguely at the notepad, ‘ _remedies_ or whatever – stuff you need, and I can pick it up and bring it back? Might raise less suspicion than you heading off grocery shopping, seeing as how you rarely do that.’

‘Yeah?’ Jensen brightened a moment. ‘Yeah, that’d be – that’d be great, Gen. Thanks, seriously, I’ll have the list t’you in a coupla minutes. I can pay you – ’

‘Forget it,’ Gen waved a hand as she headed towards her office, ‘consider this a baby shower gift. Well. Part of it. I’ll probably go crazy with clothes. Ooh, _clothes_! Is it a boy or a girl?’

Jensen stifled a laugh. ‘It’s only like a month old, Gen, we don’t know that yet.’

Gen’s face fell. ‘Oh,’ then she brightened once more, ‘oh well, I’ll just buy both right? More excuses to shop!’

She grinned at him before she vanished back into her office. Jensen sat down and couldn’t help the smile on his face. It felt good to share the news with someone and have them be excited, happy. So much of this pregnancy was shrouded in uncertainty – the uncertainty of his and Jared’s… _whatever_ it was between them, the uncertainty of the mateship still needing to be dissolved – and with Jared sick and miserable it felt like Jensen hadn’t yet had to chance to fully feel the happiness that came with the very fact that he was going to be a _father_. He was going to be a _father_ , and _Jared_ was carrying his child and sometimes his chest ached with the desire to shout it from the rooftops. Having Gen squeal with excitement, beam at him – it felt _good_.

 

**

True to her word, Gen came through with the grocery shopping, supplying Jensen with all that he’d put on his list. He immediately set about getting to work and, following a few recipes he’d also scrawled down, he eventually finished up, put everything on a tray, and headed upstairs. The door to Jared’s room was shut, but Jensen could hear the sounds of the television in there on low. He hesitated, took a deep breath, then knocked once.

‘Hey, Jay… red,’ he quickly corrected himself, unsure if the nickname was allowed just yet, ‘it’s Jensen. I, uh, I bought dinner.’

There was a pause, and Jensen could picture Jared’s quizzical look, before the omega called out for him to come in. Jensen carefully balanced the tray as he opened the door and ducked inside. The omega was huddled in a hoodie two sizes too big for his still-small frame and baggy sweatpants, burrowed into his bed, curled around a pillow, the television playing a home renovation reality show. Jensen quirked an eyebrow.

‘Reality television, Jared? And here I thought you were better than that’ he teased.

But Jared was staring at the tray. ‘You… why… I didn’t ask for dinner?’

‘Right,’ Jensen flushed, and suddenly felt a bit awkward. ‘Right, I know. But I… uh, I’ve been researching,’ he blurted, ‘all day. About rough pregnancies. Jus’… I mean. You’re havin’ such a goddamn tough time of it and I jus’… jus’ wanted to help, y’know? Somehow? Because it must be shit for you, vomitin’ all the… anyway. So I was lookin’, on the net-thing, an’ found some tips, right? And some remedies? So this,’ he gestured at his tray, ‘this, uh, this is a soup thing, mostly just chicken broth, but it’s got lemon, rice and egg through it, uh, for, uh nutrients and shit. An’ this is lemonade cause they said that, uh, settled the stomach. There’s a coupla Saltines. Jus’ if y’feel up to it. Plus these ginger candies to suck on; a lot of these sites mention ginger, y’know? And I know how much you loved candy and, uh,’ Jensen was aware he was babbling, tried to put a tamp on it, ‘uh, yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Here you go. If you want.’

He stepped forward awkwardly, held the tray out. Jared stared at it, then at him.

‘You researched pregnancy?’ the omega asked softly.

Jensen gave a little shrug. ‘Jus’… jus’ wanted to help.’

‘And then you cooked me dinner,’ Jared looked back at the tray. ‘And bought me stuff.’

Jensen didn’t know what to say. Blurting out ‘ _I would do anything for you’_ didn’t exactly seem appropriate. The omega looked back up at him and smiled, a _real_ smile, dimples appearing in his cheeks.

‘Thanks, Jensen’ he said softly, reaching to carefully take the tray as he shifted into a sitting position.

Jensen swallowed, nodded. ‘It was… I mean, I wanted to help,’ he said. ‘Somehow. Jus’… yeah.’

He shifted awkwardly, looked to the door as Jared settled with the tray on his lap. He half turned to leave, when the omega cleared his throat. Jensen glanced back.

‘I, uh, I was gonna change the channel; _Die Hard_ is playing on the other station and I was going to watch it,’ Jared said, looking down at his tray, before gesturing to the space alongside him on the bed. ‘If you wanted to… if you wanted to stick around? Watch it with me? I just… I remember you loved that movie and… you know. We… uh. I could use some company, for a bit.’

It was all Jensen could do to prevent himself from shouting a whole-hearted a “ _yes_ ” and leaping onto the bed to join the omega. He restrained himself, gave the omega huge smile.

‘That sounds good’ he said.

He carefully climbed up onto the bed next to Jared, wary of giving the omega space, not wanting to seem overbearing, too close, too touchy, not wanting to overstep the many boundaries that lay between them. As the movie progressed, he kept one eye on the screen, one on Jared, happy to see that the omega finished at least sixty percent of the soup, one of the crackers and all of the lemonade, before popping a ginger candy to suck on. Jensen kept his fingers crossed that everything would stay down, that the omega’s stomach would settle and his help would actually… well, _help_.

A little bit more time passed as they watched the movie and Jared shifted, huddled up to his pillow a bit and his hoodie snagged, rode up, revealing a strip of flesh across his stomach and Jensen’s eyes turned, caught, snagged and _couldn’t stop staring_ , _couldn’t help himself looking_ at the omega’s stomach, imagining what was slowly growing inside it, the tiny life, that they created, that –

‘You can touch if you want’ Jared’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

Jensen jumped a little, tore his gaze away from the omega’s stomach and onto his face. There was a ghost of a smile hovering on Jared’s lips.

‘Huh?’ Jensen burbled stupidly.

Jared huffed a laugh. ‘My stomach. You haven’t exactly been subtle staring at it since I told you I was pregnant. You can touch it, if you want. I mean,’ Jared tugged a little self-consciously at the hoodie, ‘there’s nothing there, but…’

Jensen didn’t wait for him to finish, was already sliding across the bed, laser-focused on the omega’s stomach. He hesitated for a split second before he gently laid a hand over the omega’s stomach, swallowed hard, a multitude of emotions swelling in his chest.

‘Wow’ he breathed.

Jared gave a self-conscious chuckle. ‘Jesus, there’s not even anything there. It’s still flat as anything.’

‘Doesn’t matter,’ Jensen said, not looking up from the omega’s stomach. ‘Cause I _know_. I _know_ the kid’s there. It’s _in_ there, Jared. That’s… that’s fucking _incredible_.’

He chanced a look up and saw a blush creep along Jared’s cheeks as the omega ducked his head a little.

‘Weirdo’ he muttered, but he was smiling.

He was smiling, and they were all but curled on the bed together and Jensen had his hand resting on the omega’s stomach, resting on where their child was growing and Jensen couldn’t think of a more perfect end to the day.

 

**

 

Another two weeks passed – two weeks of easier communication, of an almost… friendship starting to develop, and two weeks where Jensen hesitated less and less in touching Jared’s stomach, second-guessed his mother-henning less, because it seemed to be working, seemed to be soothing the omega perhaps without Jared even realizing. The morning ( _and afternoon and night time_ , Jensen thought bemusedly) sickness was abating – it was still _there_ , but it was _less_ , and Jared was looking less like he was on death’s door. Jensen decided it was time to broach the subject of taking Jared to the doctor’s to check that everything was progressing with the pregnancy.

The omega was, at first, immediately against the idea, saying he was _fine_ , everything was _fine_ , the pregnancy was _fine_ , he didn’t need to go anywhere, saying that it would raise suspicions with Sam, saying he couldn’t afford a doctor visit anyway, saying everything and _anything_ while Jensen patiently waited for his excuses to run out. Then he told Jared _he_ had money, _he_ could pay and that this was their child they were talking about and they couldn’t put it’s health at risk.

Bringing the health of the unborn child in was a low blow, Jensen knew, playing on an omega’s inbuilt nurturing instincts when it came to their offspring, but he’d meant it – it _was_ their child’s health, _and_ it was _Jared’s_ , and he couldn’t – _wouldn’t_ – let anything happen to either of them.

Jared caved almost instantly.

Jensen booked with the local clinic nearby for an afternoon when Sam was on the road with clients, and Gen took the front desk while he was gone (he told Jared he’d fed her a lie about a doctor check-up for his hip – he told Gen that _no, he wasn’t going to bring her back a sonogram and to please be quiet god dammit_ ). They drove in Jensen’s rust-bucket of a car, Jared fidgeting awkwardly beside him and Jensen resisted the urge to grasp the omega’s hand to calm him down. The alpha couldn’t help getting a little kick out of being in the waiting room, seated beside Jared, who was unconsciously palming his stomach in a nervous habit, realising that probably anyone who was looking at them would assume they were a mated couple pregnant with their child. That they were happy, in love. _Together_.

 _If only,_ Jensen thought wistfully.

He found himself standing awkwardly throughout most of the examination, not sure whether to hover beside Jared, or to give him space, and ended up corralling himself into the corner quietly, which probably confused the kindly beta doctor no end that the other father apparently was distancing himself so much. He told them it appeared Jared was about 7 weeks along now, and it amazed Jensen how quickly the time had passed since that fateful night during Jared’s heat. Then it came time for the sonogram, the beta shooting them a smile as he exposed Jared’s still flat stomach.

‘Let’s take a look, shall we?’ he said. ‘Careful, this might be cold.’

He applied the gel, Jared flinching a little at the coolness, before positioning the wand and suddenly Jensen’s eyes were riveted on the screen. There was movement from the beta doctor, searching with the wand, before he made a satisfied sound.

‘There we go,’ he beamed, ‘that there, folks, is your baby.’

Jensen was moving towards Jared before he could think, eyes on the screen, unblinkingly. If he was honest with himself he could barely make anything out, the screen a mass of shifting images, blurred black and white, but – _but_ – _but_ it didn’t matter because it was a baby, it _was_ , it was _his baby_ , _right there_ , on the screen –

‘At this stage,’ Jensen didn’t realise the doctor was still talking, ‘if you look, we can make out some of the hands and nostrils –’

‘Jensen’ Jared whispered.

Jensen felt the omega’s hand touch his, fumble and grasp and grip and he held back tightly.

‘And of course, we can test for the heartbeat…’ the beta continued.

Neither Jared nor Jensen registered him moving around, still staring at the screen, so the noise made them jump, the rapid _whup-whup_ and something tightened in Jensen’s throat, made his eyes prickle, sheer wonderment, happiness, overwhelming him -

‘Wow’ he breathed.

And it was an understatement, a total _understatement_ , because _nothing_ could capture or encapsulate the breadth of his feelings right now. The beta was smiling at them.

‘Congratulations guys,’ he told them, ‘you’ve got a healthy baby on the way.’

Jensen tore his eyes from the screen, looked at the omega and saw Jared’s eyes were shiny and wet, his body shaking, his lips parted in shock, but nothing but amazement and happiness shining on his face as he gazed at the screen. He gave Jared’s hand a squeeze and the omega turned his head, met his gaze and beamed.

‘Look at that,’ he murmured, ‘we _made_ that.’

Jensen couldn’t help a chuckle escaping his lips. ‘Damn straight we did.’

And he hesitated a moment, before reaching to stroke Jared’s hair as the omega turned back to the screen, unable to stop the grin on his face as the omega leant into the touch.

Things were _good._

 

**

 

Things were good.

_Until they weren’t._

It was four days after the doctor visit and there was a decided lack of tension at the house. A relaxed air had settled over everything and, if the bemused, curious looks Sam shot him every so often were anything to go by, everyone could feel it. But Jensen couldn’t bring himself to worry or care about Sam’s suspicious looks, not when he and Jared were so goddamn _good_. Seeing the child, hearing the heartbeat, had bought them even closer. They’d already been getting closer, more relaxed, easier around each other for a few weeks now, of course, but it was like another gap had been breached and suddenly Jared was smiling more, and… _affectionate_. Playful pats, hip checks, brushing against Jensen more often, standing close to him, sleeping against him when they watched movies together – just _touching_ , more and more.

It was heady and intoxicating and it gave Jensen hope.

He might have told Jared he would be fine to never have anything more than just being co-parents, but that didn’t mean his heart, his mind, his _entire being_ ached with the desire to be with Jared again, to be _more_ to each other. He knew they would never be exactly what they’d been three years ago – they were both too different from how they had been back then for that, had both changed and grown and broken in too many different ways to be the way they were – but this new thing between them? It had the potential to be _just_ as good, in a different way. Just as _amazing_.

Yeah, Jensen was more than a little hopeful.

It was late afternoon on a weekend, and they were in the kitchen, Jared at the table, Jensen currently cooking a recipe he’d located on the “net-thing” for pregnant omegas (a frittata concoction that contained something called “kale” that was apparently really healthy but looked to Jensen like something a rabbit would eat), Sam somewhere in her office and Gen obviously not there as it was a weekend. Jensen was enjoying the false domesticity of the moment; like he could pretend that he was cooking for _his_ omega in _his_ kitchen in _his_ home, _not_ cooking for his until-now estranged ex, pregnant with his child in the kitchen of the beta who was battling the court case to release said ex from an abusive mateship.

Yeah, Jensen’s version was a lot nicer.

The doorbell was loud and it startled him a little when it went off. Jared looked up from the magazine he’d been flipping through idly at the table.

‘Want me to…?’ he offered, half moving to stand up.

‘No, no, I got it, just – hang on –’ Jensen flapped a hand as he flipped the burner off and moved the pan from the heat, ‘you stay seated, relax – ’

He caught a glimpse of Jared’s affectionate eye roll, before he grabbed his cane and limped from the room, opening the door and heading down the hallway to the front door. He passed by the office door, calling out to Sam in case the beta was also heading out to answer the door.

‘I got it Sam!’

He leant on his cane, and pulled open the door.

And came face to face with Mark Pellegrino.

Jensen had time to suck in _one_ breath, register _one_ pulse of hot fury shooting through his veins, before the other alpha punched him directly on the nose.

There was an explosion of pain, of blood, a burst of white across his vision and he reeled, lost his cane, his balance and fell backwards hard, onto his ass, for a second totally disorientated, too startled, too caught off guard to cry out or do anything.

Mark stepped forward, loomed over him and Jensen blinked, vision clearing slightly and for the first time he registered it was not the put-together Mark he’d seen before – there was something to his entire demeanour, an off-glint in his eye, his hair a little dishevelled, clothes a little rumpled and there was an ugly twist of rage that contorted his previously calm face. An impassive bodyguard hovered in the doorway behind him, body tensed, watching the scene with a cool air.

‘ _You_ – ’ Mark hissed.

And Jensen jolted from his daze, his trance, and suddenly realised, remembered _who_ this was – _what he had done_ – and then he lashed out with his foot on his good leg, kicked Mark square in the knee and sent the alpha with a cry to floor. His satisfaction of catching the alpha off guard was short-lived; the bodyguard was moving in an instant, grabbing him by one arm, hauling him to his feet in one move and slamming him face first into the wall, pinning him, arm twisted behind his back.

‘What the _hell_ is going on – ’ Sam’s voice cried out as the beta emerged from the office’s waiting room into the hallway.

She froze in the doorway, taking in the scene. Mark was back on his feet in a second, didn’t seem to notice her presence, his entire focus on Jensen.

‘You fucking piece of shit,’ he snarled. ‘You pathetic – _disgusting_ – creature – ’

Jensen felt rage spike at the words, was about to spit some back, when he heard footsteps – footsteps that _weren’t_ Sam’s -  heading towards them – and he knew instantly who was walking toward the hallway. In a second, the protective nature of his inner alpha reared to life, flooded his veins with adrenalin and he flung his head back, connected it with the bodyguard’s nose and chin, shattered the bones, sent the alpha staggering back with a grunt, and, now free, Jensen shoved off the wall, moved swiftly and in one instant he was standing, legs apart all but growling the exact instant the door at the end of the hallway opened and Jared appeared.

‘Jen, what – ’

The glass Jared was holding fell to the ground with a shattering crash as the omega froze dead in the doorway.

‘Jared, go back to your room’ Jensen said, body tense like a livewire.

‘Hello, darling’ Mark’s anger contorted face twisted to leer over Jensen’s shoulder.

‘ _Don’t fucking talk to him’_ Jensen snarled.

‘Don’t tell me how to act around my mate, Ackles’ Mark spat.

‘Fuck you,’ Jensen snarled. ‘You’re _not_ his mate. You’re not _anything_. Get the fuck off this property Mark before I smash your head in.’

The bodyguard straightened up, loomed behind Mark, cracked his knuckles.

‘Oh I _see_ , you think you have a claim to lay on him now, do you?’ Mark stepped towards him. ‘You think he belongs to _you_ now?’

‘He doesn’t belong to _anyone_ ’ Jensen ground out.

Mark sneered. ‘Oh, how sweet and noble of you to say that. Like I don’t know what you did. What you’ve _done_. What was it, Ackles – were you so angry that I claimed him first? Did my mark on his neck just _taunt_ you when you were _fucking_ him – ’

‘Shut the fuck up!’ Jensen shouted.

‘ – you were _so_ pathetic, _so_ low that you knocked up a claimed omega, huh?’ Mark carried on ruthlessly.

There was a tiny noise behind Jensen, a soft moan, and he knew Jared was still here, was hearing the venomous filth spewing from Mark’s mouth. But he concentrated on the alpha, focused on the leering face in front of him, couldn’t afford to be distracted.

‘You shouldn’t know that,’ he growled low, before realisation dawned. ‘You had him followed.’

‘I like to keep tabs on my property,’ Mark sneered. ‘An lo and behold, what did I discover today, but that my omega had been visiting a doctor. Of course, I was _so_ concerned for his health, I just _had_ to look into why and, a few dollars here and there later, I find out _that_ … _that_ … _that slut_ is pregnant. And we,’ suddenly Mark was looking over Jensen’s shoulder, locking eyes with Jared, ‘we both know it _can’t_ be mine, now can it, darling? Which leaves,’ he was looking back at Jensen now, eyes cold, ‘leaves _you,_ _you disgusting_ – ’

‘Mark,’ it was Sam, and Jensen jumped, had almost forgotten she was even there, ‘I’ve called the cops. This is direct violation of the restraining order – ’

‘Oh shut it, you stuck up bitch – ’ Mark snapped.

‘Don’t you _fucking dare_ talk to her like that – ’ Jensen snarled.

‘If you don’t vacate the property – ’ Sam tried to override them both, voice clear and loud.

Mark suddenly thrust into Jensen’s space, grabbed his shirt-front. ‘ _You mark my fucking words, Ackles_ ,’ he snarled, breathing hot into his face, ‘you mark my words, the _first_ fucking thing I’ll do when I get that _slut_ back is _cut_ your spawn from his stomach –’

Jensen saw red, and one second he was standing, staring into Mark’s face, the next they were both tumbling to the ground as he launched himself at the alpha with a roar. He delivered a powerful punch to the alpha’s face, and there was a flailing of limbs and fists as Mark struggled and hit back, a knee connecting with Jensen’s hip, sending jarring back up his side. He was vaguely aware of Jared’s voice crying out his name, Sam’s joining it – and he felt the bodyguard’s hammy hand curl around the nap of his neck to drag him off, tensed and prepared to struggle, to fight – when suddenly - suddenly it was gone.

Suddenly the hand was gone and there was a thud nearby, and then Mark flipped them around, got his hands locked around Jensen’s throat, squeezed tight and there was a surge of panic, a gasping gurgle escaping Jensen’s mouth before Mark was – gone too?

Air flooded his lungs and he flailed up right, gasping, and twisted around in time to see Misha, hands fisted in the back of Mark’s shirt, hauling the alpha bodily to the doorway and then all but hurling him backwards out. The alpha flailed, tried to keep his balance, but tumbled down the porch steps with a gasp and a thud. There was groaning beside him and Jensen turned to see the bodyguard was laid on the ground, had been knocked down by Misha. He had time to blink once before Misha unceremoniously grabbed the bodyguard by the leg and dragged him out the door, dumping him on the porch.

Mark had gotten to his feet and Jensen was satisfied to see there was a purpling bruise around one eye, a split lip dribbling blood down his chin. Misha stood at the doorway and cast his cool blue gaze over Mark and his bodyguard.

‘I believe there’s a restraining order preventing you from being here, Mr Pellegrino’ Misha said mildly.

Jensen got himself to his feet using the wall as support, hip throbbing, and stepped up next to Misha. Mark spat at their feet.

‘ _Fuck_ your restraining order’ he snarled.

Misha cocked his head to one side, eyes up and over Mark’s shoulder, clearly listening. ‘Sounds like the police are on their way,’ he commented, with the air of someone commenting on the weather. ‘I’d suggest you be off on your way, Mr Pellegrino, I don’t think an arrest would look too good for the court date in a few weeks…?’

Mark glowered a moment, then smoothed back his hair with one hand, swiped at the blood on his lip with the other. His eyes swept over Jensen, behind the alpha to where Jared and Sam probably still hovered, then went back to the Jensen’s face.

‘This isn’t over, Ackles’ he breathed, clenching both fists.

‘Be sure you take your rubbish with you when you fuck off’ Jensen answered with false cheer, gesturing to the bodyguard on the ground.

He tugged Misha back off the porch, grabbed the door and slammed it shut with a satisfying thud. He turned to his fellow alpha, rubbed at his cheek and let out a long sigh.

‘Thanks man’ he said quietly.

Misha bobbed his head in acknowledgement and Jensen turned away, his eyes seeking out Jared. The omega was at the doorway, face drained of colour and Jensen could see the tremors running through the omega’s body even from a distance. He was striding towards Jared in an instant, only vaguely aware of Misha and Sam convening behind him, trusting them to take care of the police, of making sure that Mark was off the property.

His focus was taking care of the only thing that mattered; _Jared_.

He reached the omega in an instant, looped a hand about waist and turned to steer him out of the hallway. ‘C’mon, let’s get you sitting down’ he murmured.

‘You’re hurt’ Jared muttered dazedly.

‘’M’ok’ Jensen answered dismissively, even as his nose gave a throb.

He manhandled the omega up the sets of stairs to Jared’s room and, once inside, gently pushed him to sit on the bed. He cupped the side of the omega’s face, stroked his cheek with a thumb.

‘You ok?’ he said softly.

Jared blinked a few times, then looked up at Jensen. ‘Your nose – ’

‘Don’t worry about me, Jared,’ Jensen interrupted impatiently, ‘are _you_ okay?’

There was a beat as Jared’s mouth opened, then a whoosh of air escaped and his face crumpled as tears welled in his eyes. Instantly Jensen sat down next to him, wrapped both arms around the omega and drew him to his chest tightly, pressing his lips gently to the top of Jared’s head.

‘Ssssh, s’ok kiddo, s’ok sweetheart, not gonna let anythin’ happen to you, _either_ of you – s’ok, all right? It’s ok.’

‘M’sorry – ‘m’sorry,’ Jared choked out as he turned to bury his face into Jensen’s neck, reached one hand to fist in his shirt and hold tight. ‘M’sorry – ’

‘Stop, _stop_ , you’ve got nothin’ t’apologise for darlin’,’ Jensen cut across, tightening his grip. ‘Absolutely _nothin_ ’ –’

Jared pulled back, tears smeared across his face, blinking watery eyes. ‘You got hurt – you got hurt because of m – ’

‘Because Mark is a _dick_ ,’ Jensen interrupted. ‘I got hurt because Mark is a grade-A asshole. _That’s_ why, ok? That’s the _only_ reason why.’

Jared swallowed, sniffed and swiped at his eyes. The omega turned his gaze to the floor, and let his hand unclench from Jensen’s shirtfront.

‘Jay?’ Jensen said softly, reaching up to tuck an errant strand of his hair back.

‘God…’ Jared let out a shuddering breath, closed his eyes tight. ‘ _God_ , I was still so… he still scares me _so_ much. I thought I was… I _thought_ … but then I came out, I came out and he was just _there_ and I couldn’t – I _couldn’t_ – ’

‘It’s ok, Jay’ Jensen said gently, taking one of his hands and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Jared shook his head, eyes still shut. ‘No – _no_ – I thought I was… I thought I was _stronger_ , Jen, I thought –’

‘Jared, look at me,’ Jensen caught Jared’s chin with his free hand, tilted the omega’s head to face him. ‘Open your eyes, sweetheart.’

Jared opened his eyes slowly, blinking through the wateriness. Jensen locked his gaze, kept his face gentle.

‘You _are_ strong, darlin’, you _are_ , ok? The fact that he still scares you? That’s _normal_. That’s totally _understandable_. He spent years abusin’ you – _years_. Of _course_ he’s still gonna scare you. But always remember, you _left_ ,’ he emphasised the word, ‘you _left,_ Jared. You found the strength to escape. That _proves_ you’re strong, ok? You gotta remember that, sweetheart.’

Jared swallowed, nodded his head slowly. Jensen let a tiny smile curve his lips and he let go of Jared’s hand he still held and reached to thumb away the wetness beneath Jared’s eyes.

‘You ok now?’ he asked softly.

Jared thought for a moment. ‘No,’ he confessed, but he gave a half smile, ‘but I will be. Thanks, Jen.’

‘Anytime’ Jensen answered sincerely.

He let go of Jared’s face, dropped his hands to his lap. There was a beat of silence between them. Jensen hesitated a moment, before he spoke.

'Can I ask... what he meant - about - how you both knew that it couldn't be - that it wouldn't be - ' he stuttered out.

Jared looked confused a moment, before he understood, and he gave a half smile, a little bitter. 'Mark's infertile' he said bluntly.

Jensen stared, stunned. 'Oh, he said, then, without thinking, 'fuckin' sucks to be him.'

Jared gave a startled, wet bark of laughter and Jensen couldn't help a grin in return. Once the laughter died away, he shifted a little on the bed.

‘Anyway,' he cleared his throat, 'I should probably,’ he gestured to his face, ‘clean myself –’

But Jared was on his feet. ‘No, I can – ’

Before Jensen could object, the omega had vanished into his ensuite bathroom in a flash. Jensen glanced after him, then rubbed at his face and let out a long breath. Truthfully he was still shaking, adrenalin still settling in his veins, rage making his limbs twitch and tremble, the insidious words Mark had hissed still sliding in his brain, spiking fury in his heart, making his inner alpha roar.

The Mark he’d seen today had borne _so_ little resemblance to the put-together, smarmy alpha he’d met the other day – he’d been wild, out of control, _crazy_ even and Jensen felt like it was a tiny insight into the Mark that Jared had experienced. The Mark that had abused and tortured the omega for far too long. The side of the alpha that he hid from the rest of the world behind his refined façade.

_Only… he hadn’t hidden it today, had he?_

Mark had been unhinged, and  _publicly_. His movements erratic, his rage palpable.

And something about that worried Jensen, tickled at the police officer senses that still existed in his brain.

_A man on the brink, and if there was a push…_

‘Here we go’ Jared’s voice startled Jensen from his thoughts and he glanced up as the omega re-entered, holding a damp cloth in one hand, a small first aid kit in the other.

The omega perched on the bed next to him, put the kit to one side and lifted the cloth.

Jensen hesitated. ‘Jay, I can – ’

‘Let me,’ Jared said firmly, then, gentler, ‘please?’

Jensen relented and nodded. The omega put the cloth to his face and he fought the urge to wince as it touched broken skin.

‘Sorry if I hurt you’ Jared murmured.

‘You’re fine’ Jensen assured him.

‘You don’t need a doctor…?’ Jared queried as he gently dabbed away the blood.

‘’S’not a broken nose,’ Jensen told him, then gave a crooked smile. ‘Had enough of those t’know the difference.’

Jared nodded and he worked in silence for a moment, cleaning the blood from Jensen’s face. The omega bit his lip, and huffed out a noise that was almost a laugh. Jensen quirked an eyebrow in question.

‘Sorry, just,’ Jared shook his head, pulled the cloth back, ‘just… reminds me… this kinda reminds me of that night. The night you, ah, asked me out. ‘Cept reverse,’ he gave a little smile, bittersweet, ‘ _me_ cleaning _you_ up instead. You, uh... you remember that night?’

Jensen’s mind instantly flashed to a grimy kitchen, all those years ago, the omega perched on the seat as he cleaned him up gently and he felt his heart twist a little at the memory.

‘Yeah,’ he said softly. ‘Yeah, I remember, Jay.’

Jared twisted the cloth a little in his hands. ‘Who’d have thought back then this is how we’d end up, huh.’

Jensen’s lips pulled down. ‘Yeah’ he said, a sad edge to his tone.

Jared looked at the cloth, then back at Jensen’s face, gave a half smile. ‘One thing’s still the same, though, you’re still… still always coming into my life, shaking it up, turning it upside down,’ he gave a half wave to his stomach.

‘Right back atcha,’ Jensen said softly, before he hesitated and added, ‘not… not in a bad way though. You never… you didn’t shake my world up in a bad way, Jay. Never have.’

Jared swallowed hard, nodded, wrung the cloth harder. ‘Yeah. I… yeah same… same here.’

There was a silence between them and Jensen felt like _something_ was building, a tension heavy on the air – something building that _had_ been brewing between them the past few weeks, growing and feeding into that tiny spark of hope he still held in his heart.

‘Jared…’ he started.

Then the omega was moving forward, into his space, tilting his head, lips brushing over his and Jensen allowed the contact briefly, _savoured_ it, _relished_ it – before he pulled back, lifted a hand to touch the omega’s chest to hold him at bay. Jared looked startled at his retreat, blinking.

‘Jared – ’

A flush crept onto Jared’s cheeks, he started to pull back. ‘ _Shit_ , sorry, Jen, _sorry_ – I just – I thought – never mind – I just – ’

‘Jared,’ Jensen grabbed his shoulder, held him in place. ‘Jared, _stop_. It’s… I want this ok. I do. I want you –’

Jared looked confused. ‘Then why –’

‘I need to,’ Jensen rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, ‘the last time… last time you were kissing me it… it was your heat and then – then things were like they were before. Well,’ he glanced at Jared’s stomach, ‘ _kind_ of anyway. I don’t – I can’t do that again, Jay. It… I want to… I want to make sure this is for certain. That _you_ want this – _just_ you. _Not_ some heat, _not_ some misplaced sense of… owing me because of what happened with Mark. Just _you_ wanting this again. I _need_ to make sure of that.’

Jared was quiet a moment, eyes locked onto Jensen’s, an unreadable look in them. Jensen waited, felt like he was teetering on a fine wire, like he could fall either side, his body off-balanced and taunt, ready and needing to be grounded, to be held -

Then Jared leant in, letting go of the cloth to slide a hand up Jensen’s neck, the touch sending tingles around the alpha’s body.

‘I want this, Jensen,’ he whispered, breath tickling around Jensen’s lips he was so close, ‘I want _us_ , again. I do.’

When their lips finally connected, when Jensen’s tongue slid into Jared’s mouth, tasted the sweetness of the omega, when he pulled Jared tight, twisted a hand into the soft, silken hair, felt the press of the omega’s form again him – it felt, to Jensen, like he was finally coming home.

 

**

 

He slept in Jared’s bed that night – after an afternoon spent relearning the taste of the omega, swapping leisurely kisses, hands sliding, touching, caressing. The dinner he had been creating before Mark’s abrupt intrusion, was effectively ruined, and he rustled up some toast and eggs for Jared instead at some point, before they put on a movie and climbed into the bed together.

They did nothing but sleep, of course, not quite ready to be back to jumping each other’s bones just yet, and, besides which, Jensen was rapidly forming darkening bruises beneath his eyes and across his swollen nose, which was probably the least sexy look he could be sporting.

But, regardless, even sleeping, curled around the omega, Jared’s back to his chest, his arm wrapped around the omega’s waist to settle a hand protectively on his stomach, was _amazing_.

It had been so long – _too_ long – since he’d last had this. The drunken night when Jared had been in heat, he’d been too wasted to recall the aftermath of their sex (but he doubted it included much cuddling) and he’d of course awoken to a cold, empty bed.

 _This,_ Jensen thought as he pressed his nose to the crook of Jared’s neck, breathed in the sweet scent, _this was so much better._

Around two am, he awoke, a raging thirst in his throat, mouth parched, and a pounding headache forming, pulsing throbs spreading from his nose. It felt almost like a hangover, but, he thought, bitterly, minus the fun and relief of having had any alcohol the night before.

Jared was all but wrapped around him now, all long-limbs, arms and legs thrown across his chest and legs, almost pinning him to the bed and it was so achingly familiar it made Jensen’s face almost split in two with a smile, despite the pain in his head. He was loath to leave to warm cocoon of the omega, but the pounding was unbearable, and with a sigh, he carefully eased himself from Jared’s grip, stopping to soothe the omega when he snuffled and shifted in response. He finally got free, paused and smiled affectionately down at the sleep-lax face, the softly parted lips and mussed hair.

‘Be back soon, sweetheart’ he murmured, ducking to brush a kiss across Jared’s forehead.

 _Sap,_ the voice in his head whispered.

For once it didn’t sound like an angry hiss.

He thought about simply drinking from the ensuite bathroom tap, before he decided he’d go to the kitchen so he could fill a glass of water for Jared as well (just in case he woke up and wanted one later– and he didn’t even stop to listen to the “ _sap_ ” that was whispered in his head once more at that thought). He meandered down to the kitchen, idly thinking he’d pop a few Tylenol as well to ease his nose and head, when he saw the light was on in the kitchen. He paused, curious, before speeding up a little. He stopped at the kitchen doorway and saw Sam was at the kitchen table, paperwork in front of her and a glass of amber liquid that Jensen knew instinctively was whiskey beside her.

‘Burnin’ the midnight oil, Sam?’ he said quietly.

Sam jumped a little, then glanced up, blinking at him. She smoothed the surprise from her face easily, leant back in her chair.

‘Jared’s case file,’ she informed him. ‘I’m reviewing it. Thought I might need too, seeing as how,’ she gave him a pointed look, ‘new information seems to have come to light.’

Jensen winced a little as he edged into the kitchen. ‘Sam –’

‘You didn’t think it might be important to tell me my client was _pregnant_ while I’m working on his case to dissolve a former mateship?’ Sam interrupted bluntly. ‘You didn’t think that might be something I need to know?’

Jensen sighed and leant on the back of the chair opposite Sam. ‘Jared wanted to keep it under wraps. I respected his decision.’

Sam snorted, then gusted a heavy sigh as she reached for her drink.

‘Is it… I mean, is it gonna effect the case?’ Jensen ventured.

Sam took a sip. ‘God knows,’ she shrugged, ‘I mean, it’s not really going to look good. The mateship not even dissolved and Jared already pregnant by a completely different alpha. People will make assumptions.’

Jensen bristled. ‘Mark was an abusive piece of shit, the dissolving of the mateship is _totally_ separate to Jared’s pregnancy – and – and “ _assumptions_ ”?? Jared isn’t a – ’

Sam held up a hand. _‘I_ know, Jensen, of _course_ I know. I’m just saying what _others_ – people who _don’t_ know Jared, or you or Mark - will think, ok?’

Jensen deflated a little. ‘We didn’t… I mean… I’m sorry, Sam. You gotta know – I mean, it wasn’t planned. Any of it.’

Sam scrutinised him a little. ‘But… you’re happy about it?’

‘The pregnancy?’ Jensen confirmed, and then felt a goofy smile spread across his features. ‘Fuck… Sam, I’m _over the fuckin’ moon_. I – I mean, never in a million years would I have even thought about a kid with Jared, but it was like – as soon as he told me – I realised it’s just… it’s _everythin’_ I’ve ever wanted you know? I’ve never been happier. Honest.’

Sam’s face broke into a smile. ‘That’s great, Jen, I’m glad to hear it,’ she told him sincerely.

‘Even if it’s fucked up your case?’ Jensen tried to joke.

Sam laughed softly. ‘Even if,’ she confirmed, then waved a hand, ‘and don’t – don’t worry too much about the case. Don’t let Jared worry either. This changes things, yes, but I don’t think it’ll have too much of an impact. I think,’ she paused, ‘I think we’ll win this, Jen. I really do.’

Tension Jensen didn’t know he was holding inside him suddenly unravelled.

‘Yeah?’ he smiled.

‘Yeah’ Sam agreed.

Jensen nodded slowly, then released the back of the chair, heading for the sink. ‘I better – ’

‘We always wanted kids,’ Sam said softly, and Jensen stopped, turned back around to face her.

The beta gazed into her glass, swirled the liquid a bit. ‘JD and I,’ she added, glancing up at Jensen and meeting his gaze with shiny eyes. ‘Always. A boy and a girl, we said. Have them a year or two apart so they could grow up friends. It just… there was always _something_ , you know? A case. A job. And we kept putting it off and putting it off, always thinking we had more time,’ she sighed softly, rubbed her cheek, ‘turns out we didn’t. I wish…’

Jensen swallowed hard, stepped towards the beta. Sam gave herself a shake.

‘Anyway. That’s why I’m glad you’re happy about this,’ she said, ‘I know you said you didn’t plan it, but… I’m glad you’re happy about it.’

Jensen surveyed her a moment, then reached out and gave her shoulder a squeeze. Sam lifted a hand and laid it on his and tilted her head to met his gaze.

‘And you know you’re both welcome to stay as long as need as well, right? I was thinking – I can move from the third floor bedroom near Jared’s, shift to the second floor, then you two can have the third floor to yourselves and – ’ she lapsed, gave a chuckle. ‘Sorry, rambling. Just. You know. No pressure to leave is what I’m trying to say.’

Jensen smiled. ‘Thanks, Sam’ he told her gratefully.

‘My pleasure,’ his beta friend smiled back. ‘And Jensen?’

‘Yeah?’ he arched an eyebrow.

Sam lifted the glass in her other hand and tilted it towards him, smile turning into a grin. ‘Congratulation, Papa.’

Jensen laughed and mimed clinking a glass to hers.

 

**

The court date came around altogether too quickly for Jensen’s liking.

The morning of was tense, more so because Jensen had been told, by Sam, Jared and Gen he wasn’t to be attending. It had sent his inner alpha into a tailspin of rage that he struggled to contain at the mere _thought_ of Jared being in the same room as Mark and him not being there to protect, to oversee, to stand between them.

He argued and fought and bit his lip to prevent actually shouting, even as Sam explained he could be used against Jared, seeing as how they were in a relationship together and also having a child. Explained how she couldn’t afford to have Mark goad and taunt him into losing control in the courtroom. Explained how she couldn’t have any unpredictable element jeopardising her case.

Jensen shouted that he wasn’t unpredictable about the same time he smashed a glass on the table.

Most of his arguments seemed foolish after that.

So he was left behind in the house, to pace and worry, rage and stress, to feel the pinpricks of craving tickle his skin, feel the burn of the desire to drink in the back of his throat. He tried to watch television, to listen to the radio, tried to distract the terrified thoughts, the worst scenario outcomes from forming in his brain, and drown out the little voice that cried and cried for the relief of alcohol, for the soothe of numbness.

It was hell.

By the time he heard Samantha’s car pull into the driveway, it was past night and they’d been gone the entire day and Jensen’s knuckles were raw from the times he’d lost it and punched the wall, his hair was dishevelled from a day of running his hands though it and his hip was a fiery mass of pain from overexertion from his pacing.

The instant he heard the car, he was hurrying as fast as his seizing leg could allow towards to the door, reaching it almost as it opened. Jensen stopped dead, sucked in a breath, was suddenly struck dumb, unable to ask, unable to speak.

Sam was there, Jared a step behind and they glanced up at him. He couldn’t decipher the expression on either face, Jared’s simply pale and blank and an odd expression on Sam’s.

 _They’ve lost,_ Jensen thought wildly. _They’ve lost and Mark won and Jared will go back to him and our kid – oh god the baby_ -

‘I – ’ Jensen started, with no idea what he was going to say.

‘We won’ Jared said.

And just like that Jensen’s body felt like it slumped, like invisible strings had been cut, the tension that had run through every inch of his body vanishing in an instant and he all but fell, tumbled towards Jared, arms outstretched.

‘ – oh thank god, thank god, Jay, I’m so happy sweetheart, thank god – ’ the words tumbled from his mouth without him even realising, a litany of relief.

He felt Jared collapse into his arms, felt the omega wrap his arms around him tightly, bury his face into his chest, felt the first heaving sobs wrack Jared’s body and held on tighter, almost wanting to start crying himself. He started to turn to Sam, wanting to thank her, thank her from the bottom of his heart, but the beta was gone, had vanished into the office and Jensen vaguely registered it as odd that she wasn’t celebrating with them, but dismissed it, focused on the omega he had wrapped in his arms, on the most important thing in his life.

They didn’t celebrate with champagne and food, but instead retired to Jared’s room, wrapped around each other, and Jensen let Jared cry it out – cry for the relief, cry for the past years he’d been with Mark, cry for what he’d been through, what he’d lost. Held the omega tightly through the onslaught of emotions, murmuring platitudes and affirmations that he was here, that he’d _always, forever_ be here for Jared.

They made love for the first time since the night Jared had gotten pregnant, and Jensen didn’t know if it was some sort of unspoken agreement that had made them wait until the case was over and the spectre of Mark looming over them was all but gone.

He pressed into the tight heat of Jared, felt the omega arch against him, felt the grasp of Jared’s hands at his shoulders, his sides, saw the omega beneath him, the sweat-glistened skin, lust-blown eyes, kiss swollen lips, felt his head swim, heady with the intensity, with the feeling of everything clicking into place. It was slow, prolonged lovemaking, and he gripped Jared like he didn’t want to let go, their eyes locked, faces as close together as they could be, sharing panted breaths, sharing the same air, grabbing bitingly desperate kisses, swallowing the moans from each others mouths. Jared was the first to come, untouched, body arching, eye contact finally breaking as his head rocked back, a long moan from his mouth, and the sight, the clench around his own cock had Jensen following shortly, already half-swollen knot catching on Jared’s rim once more before it finally swelled and caught as his orgasm hit him with an intensity that almost whited out his vision, made his head spin, tore a cry from his throat.

Afterwards, tied together, Jared’s back to Jensen’s chest, sweat soaked skin pressed to sweat soaked skin, and Jensen’s hand idly stroking Jared’s stomach, they languished in the after glow, Jensen breathing in the soft scent of Jared in the air. He caught movement and saw Jared lift a hand, brush it over the mark on his neck, the claiming bite from Mark.

‘It doesn’t bother you?’ Jared spoke, catching Jensen’s eyes on his hand. ‘Seeing it?’

Jensen shook his head, kissed the side of Jared’s face. ‘Not in the slightest, Jay. The mateship is dissolved, sweetheart. It’s just a mark now. A scar. It doesn’t mean anythin’ any more.’

‘It’ll always be there, though,’ Jared’s voice was quiet, heavily laden, ‘this thing saying I belong to him. Belonged. It’s like… like I won’t ever fully belong to you.’

Jensen paused a moment, collecting his thoughts, then he lifted a hand to brush Jared’s hair back from his face, caress his cheek.

‘That’s because you _don’t_ belong to me, Jay,’ he told the omega quietly, ‘you don’t belong to me _or_ to Mark, sweetheart. You belong to yourself. I would never, ever want to own you like he did. Never.’

Jared was quiet a moment, before he settled back in Jensen’s arms.

‘I love you, Jen’ he whispered quietly.

Jensen closed his eyes, smiled and pressed his lips to the back of Jared’s hair.

‘Love you too, sweetheart. So much.’

 

**

 

Sam was at the kitchen table with a glass of whisky at the table when Jensen went down there, shortly after he’d cleaned he and Jared up and the omega had fallen asleep. He had known the beta would be there, had dressed and slipped from the room as soon as he was assured Jared was resting peacefully. To her credit, Sam, glancing up at his silhouette, didn’t look altogether surprised to see him either.

She took a sip of her drink as Jensen slid into the chair opposite her.

‘So…’ Jensen started after the silence stretched between them. ‘You won today.’

‘Yes’ Sam said, nodding slowly, and took another sip.

Jensen inclined his head. ‘Funny how you don’t seem that thrilled about it.’

There was another pause as Sam stared into her glass.

‘I’ve been a bit stressed about this one. I didn’t want to alarm you guys, so I’ve been hiding it, but I _have_ been stressed. I prepared _all_ the arguments I could, _every_ rebuttal to _every_ possible bit of information they could use against us, went _over_ and _over_ everything. I had answers and arguments for _everything_ ,’ she stopped, swirled the liquid a moment, then spoke, ‘I didn’t use any of them.’

Jensen’s brows drew together. ‘I don’t understand?’

‘I didn’t use _any_ of them, Jensen,’ Sam repeated, lifting her gaze to his face, ‘because _Mark didn’t fight_. He _gave in_ , Jensen. He conceded, agreed to the mateship dissolution without a fuss. He didn’t fight _at all_.’

A cold chill went down Jensen’s spine. He thought of Mark’s face twisted in fury, thought of his hissed words.

_“This isn’t over, Ackles.”_

‘Why?’ he asked. ‘Why didn’t he fight?’

‘I don’t know,’ Sam said helplessly, her face crumpling a little. ‘I don’t _know,_ Jensen and it just doesn’t seem _right_. He _wouldn’t_ have just given up. He _wouldn’t_ have just given Jared up so easily. There’s something – there’s _something_ off – something _wrong_ about this and I don’t… _I don’t know what it is_! And I don’t – Jared was _so_ happy, _so_ relieved, so I can’t burst the bubble, I _can’t,_ but it’s just… just,’ she floundered, then her shoulder’s slumped, ‘just _off_.’

Jensen swallowed and sat back in his seat slowly. ‘You don’t think this is over.’

Sam was quiet a moment. ‘I think we should be on guard,’ she said finally, then she knocked back the drink in one hit and put the glass to the table.

‘No. I don’t think this is over. Not by a long shot.’

 

**

But it was hard to stay on guard, when a month passed and there was no word, no hint from Mark. When life carried on and continued with no sign of a threat.

Jared started to show, his stomach starting to swell slightly and Jensen became even more besotted, couldn’t stop _touching, hovering, marvelling, staring_. His protective instincts were on overdrive and thankfully Jared found it more amusing than annoying when he would side-eye any alpha that came near the omega if they were out and about. The clear sign of his child – _their child together_ – blooming in Jared was enough to make him want to wrap the omega in bubble wrap and protect both of them from any harm.

The pregnancy glow finally started to kick in as Jared lost the paleness, the sickliness, as his body morphed and filled out, as the dimples appeared more and more often. Sam moved her stuff into the second floor room midway through the second month following the trial, and Jensen moved his stuff into Jared’s. Their relationship was _good_. Jensen had been right, it _was_ different to how it had been before, but that didn’t mean it was any better or any worse, just _different_. It was still _them_ deep down, no matter what.

Jared started to scope the now vacant room on the third floor with an eye to maybe turning it into a nursery, torn between not wanting to overstay with Sam and not wanting to have to find a new place for he and Jensen.

‘At least the first few months we can stay here,’ he’d fret to Jensen as they lay curled in bed, ‘but not _too_ long, I do want our own place, eventually, but for a few months –’

Jensen let him muse and talk it out, was happy to do whatever the omega wanted. For him, it didn’t matter _where_ they lived – as long as he was with Jared, with their baby, it was fine by him.

Three months after the court date, three blissful months, and Jensen was woken by warmth on his already hard cock, by the curling of pleasure in his gut, with his toes curled and a gasp on his lips, an arch to his back, a vague disorientation before his hand found the back of a silken head and then he could only moan “ _fuck – Jared_ ” and last for mere moments before he was coming down the omega’s throat.

Still reeling from the orgasm and half asleep he’d dragged the omega up, caught him in a deep kiss, wrapped his arms around him tight, felt the omega’s hardness against his leg, rutting, grinding, and the thrust and swell of his stomach making it more difficult than usual to get closer. He pushed his own hand down between them, skated down Jared’s stomach, into his sweatpants and it took mere pulls of the omega’s hardness before he was coming with a cry, face buried in Jensen’s shoulder, biting down hard, the electric shock of the bite of pain almost stirring Jensen’s own spent cock back to life.

 _All in all, one of the best ways to wake up,_ he thought.

Which was why, late that afternoon, when the doorbell rang, when he was cooking dinner, whistling as he worked, when Sam called that she was going to get it, when Jared came up behind him and nuzzled into his back he didn’t expect it.

He didn’t expect the sharp retort of a gunshot.

He didn’t expect the choked off scream.

_But he really fucking should have._


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, soooo… here it comes. The conclusion. The end. The finale. Well, aside from an epilogue I mean. Fair warning, this chapter took a bit of a dark turn when I was writing it, and I just kinda went with it, but, uh, yeah, just a heads up… I swear I think the next story I write will be nice and happy and schmoopy dammit*
> 
> (*This is probably a lie – angst is my forever fuel)
> 
> Anyway – as always, thanks for the love, comments and kudos. Means the world to me, and I truly, honestly mean that. Thank you all also so much for your patience with the time between updates, things have been hectic with moving house for the third time in three months, so I appreciate everyone still sticking with me & being so nice <3 xx

For a second, after the gunshot, after the scream, Jensen’s mind, body – _everything_ – froze completely. For a second there was nothing but fear, all encompassing, paralysing fear - for Sam, for Jared, for the baby - and panic, panic that manifested itself in a litany, a mantra on repeat in his head –

\- _no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no_ –

\- and all he could do was stand there, was not breathe, was think wildly, desperately “ _no_ ” and “ _Sam_ ” and “oh god” and “ _MarkMarkMarkMarkMark_ ” –

Then there was movement behind him and he heard Jared’s voice in a strangled cry of, “Sam?!”

And Jensen fell back into his body with a thud, every single one of his senses instantly galvanized.

It had been years since he was a police officer – but his training slammed into place almost like it had been yesterday he was on the force - the panic and fear was shoved aside, repressed down deep and he was whirling around, his mind suddenly online, suddenly formulating, plotting, thinking, calculating. He grabbed Jared’s arm as the omega made for the doorway, yanked him to a halt.

‘Don’t!’ he rapped out sharply.

Jared turned. ‘Sam – Jensen – _Sam_ – ’ he cried and his face was panicked, wild, blanched of colour.

‘ – _Jaaaaareedddddd_ –’ the voice was unmistakable, sing-songing from near the front door, ‘ – _Jaaaareedddd_ –’

‘Oh god’ Jared moaned and his legs buckled, started to collapse beneath him.

Jensen grabbed the omega’s other arm, hauled him to standing, steadied him.

‘Jared – hey – _hey_ – listen to me – focus!’ he snapped, giving him a shake. ‘ _Focus_!’

Jared gave a little sob. Jensen tried to lock eyes with the omega.

‘Listen ok – _listen_ – you need to do what I tell you to, ok? _Exactly_ what I tell you to,’ he kept his voice harsh, imbued it with alpha authority, needing to cut through Jared’s shock and panic and fear. ‘You’re going to go upstairs, lock yourself in the bedroom and call the police, ok? Can you do that for me Jared?’

‘ – Acklesssss – I have your friend out here,’ Mark’s voice crooned. ‘Come out, come out wherever you are,’ there was a pause, then another cry from Sam, weaker, frailer this time, ‘or I’ll blow her head off –’

Jared gave a tiny sob, face crumpling. Jensen shook him again.

‘Jared! _Stop_!’ he snapped and the omega’s shiny wet eyes flew open once more. ‘I need you to _focus_ \- to go up stairs, lock yourself in the room and call the police – and once you’ve done that, you need to open the top draw of the table on my side of the bed and get the gun from there – ’

Jared made a choked noise.

‘– you need to get the gun, ok, Jared?’ Jensen overrode him. ‘I need you to arm yourself. I need you to protect yourself and our baby. I _need_ you to. You sit with your back to the wall, facing the locked door and you point that gun and shoot _anyone_ who comes in, ok? You don’t hesitate, you _shoot_. Can you do that for me, Jared?’

Jared blinked slowly, tears leaking down his face, entire body trembling in Jensen’s grip and for a second it looked like he might crumple again, his face seeming to shake, before he sucked in a breath, and something tightened in him.

‘Y-yes,’ he managed to get out. ‘I – yes.’

‘Ok, ok… I’ll handle things down here, ok? And… no matter what you hear, no matter what, you don’t come down, ok? _Promise_ me you won’t come down here’ Jensen said.

Jared bobbed his head, and Jensen could see the omega corralling himself, steeling himself, tapping into inner strength. He loosened his grip on the omega’s arms.

‘Ok,’ he breathed out, then swallowed and suddenly wrapped Jared to his chest, gripped him tight. ‘S’gonna be ok, ok sweetheart.’

He let go and stepped back, turned Jared around and gave him a little push towards the door. The omega stopped, turned back to him, eyes scanning Jensen’s face.

‘ – don’t – you have to – be safe – I – _please_ – ’ the words tumbled from Jared’s mouth.

Jensen pushed him towards the kitchen exit, tried to smile confidently. ‘I’ll be fine, sweetheart. I’ll be just fine.’

Jared gave his face one last desperate search, before tearing away and, with one hand to his stomach, he vanished up the stairs. Jensen took a deep, steadying breath. Adrenalin was thrumming in his veins, pulsing through his body, but he controlled it, used it to keep himself ready, used it to keep his mind thinking, didn’t let it overwhelm him, panic him. How many times had he been in situations like this while on the force? He could do this, he _could_.

Only…

 _Only_ all those times before, it hadn’t been people he loved, cared about.

 _Only_ , the last time he’d been in a situation like this, a gun, a hostage, he’d fucked up and nearly everyone had ended up dead.

Jensen faltered a moment, the adrenalin flickered, doubt replaced it.

He could get Jared, the gun, flee the house.

He’d be safe, Jared and the baby would be safe.

‘ – don’t you care about your friend?’ Mark’s voice called out.

But _Sam_ wouldn’t.

And Mark – Mark would just keep following them. Would keep going after them. Would never stop – _never_ stop, until he _was_ stopped.

 _No_ , Jensen straightened himself, limped to the door that connected the house to the hallway, rested a hand on the door knob.

No, he needed to face Mark _now._ He needed to protect Sam. And – and this needed to end _now_.

‘Mark,’ he barked through the wood. ‘Mark, I’m comin’ out – don’t hurt Sam, you hear? Don’t hurt her, I’m comin’ out!’

He braced himself as he twisted the doorknob – he braced and kept his wits about him – but it didn’t make a difference. The bodyguard alpha that had clearly been waiting for him to open the door grabbed the side of his face the instant the door opened, smashed it into the doorframe and Jensen saw stars. He struck out with a hand blindly, but the alpha had already grabbed an arm, twisting it behind his back, before driving a knee into Jensen’s bad hip. Jensen barely bit back the cry of pain, felt his leg crumple automatically beneath him and he went to the ground, landed hard on his knees. The alpha bodyguard loomed behind him, twisted his arm harder, up higher on his back, making his eyes water, making his breath stutter in his chest in pain. A knee slammed into his lower back, drove him face first to the ground, pinned, the weight of the alpha heavy on his back. It was over in an instant, him pinned to the floor, and the bitter taste of shame burned in the back of his throat.

He lifted his head as much as he could from the ground, squinted down the hallway. Mark was leering down at him – standing in the hallway, the front door shut firmly behind him, and another bodyguard looming at his side. His hair was unwashed, greasy and dishevelled, his clothes in disarray, stained and untucked, and the maniacal glint shining in his eyes. He clutched a gun in one hand, and had his other arm wound tight across Sam’s chest, holding her upright, pinning her to his chest. The beta’s head lolled, eyes closed, pale as a ghost, blood dribbling from the corner of her mouth, and there was blood across her stomach, blossoming from the gunshot wound, staining the fabric of her white shirt, pooling in the waistband of her jeans, trickling to the floor.

‘ _Sam_!’ Jensen called out - but there was no response, not even a twitch from the beta and Jensen couldn’t see, couldn’t tell if she was even still alive, if any movement was from Mark’s grip or because she was still holding on to life –

‘Mr Ackles,’ Mark announced cheerfully, cutting into Jensen’s thoughts. ‘Pleasure to see you again.’

Jensen’s gaze went to the other alpha’s face and he felt the fury burn in his eyes. ‘Let her _go_ , Mark, I came out, you got me – _let her the fuck go_ – ’

Mark shook his head. ‘Jensen, Jensen,’ he interrupted, ‘no, no, no, my dear boy. I asked for you _and_ Jared. Didn’t you hear? So where’s my omega, Ackles?’

A sliver of anger rippled down Jensen’s spine at the words “ _my omega_ ” but he swallowed the rage back down.

‘Ran away,’ he said stiffly, ‘I told him to go out the back door, he’ll be miles from here by –’

‘Liar, liar, pants on fire,’ Mark sing-songed and Jensen stopped talking.

The other alpha smiled at him, tilted his head to one side. ‘I’ve got two of my men outside with eyes on every entrance and exit – if my lovely mate had tried to leave, they would have seen him. Which means he’s still in here. So I ask again,’ Mark’s voice took on a sharp edge, ‘where’s Jared, Ackles?’

Jensen said nothing. Mark bobbed his head, didn’t look surprised at Jensen’s silence.

‘Not talkative huh? No matter, no matter,’ he smiled, ‘I know my darling Jared and he won’t be able to stay away if his friends are in danger.’

Jensen could hear his heart thundering in his chest, his pulse thrumming in his ears.

‘You hear that Jared?’ Mark suddenly called out, voice loud. ‘I have your friends down here, darling. If you don’t come down by the count of five, I’ll put a bullet in one of their brains!’

His eyes flickered to Jensen and he tilted the gun to point down at him.

‘One!’ he shouted.

Jensen felt his body tense.

 _Don’t come down,_ he thought wildly, desperately, _don’t come down_.

‘Two!’ Mark carried on.

_Don’t Jared, don’t please, please, please._

‘Three!’

Jensen could feel the tension in every inch of his body, his mouth totally dry, didn’t know if he was even breathing. But it would be ok, _it would be ok_ , he could take the bullet, he would die, would happily die if it meant Jared and the baby were safe - and they would be, _they would be safe_ , Jared would have called the police by now, the police would be on their way, the omega just needed to stay upstairs a little longer, and if Jensen’s own death could buy the time, it would be worth it –

And maybe some of that steel, that determination showed in Jensen’s face. Maybe it showed on his face that he didn’t care if Mark killed him. Maybe that was what made Mark stop counting. Maybe the sheer fact that Jensen wasn’t cowering, wasn’t fearful was what tipped Mark to do what he did next.

Or maybe - _maybe Mark was really just that deranged_.

In any case, four didn’t come. Jensen waited, but four didn’t come. Mark met his eyes, clicked the safety off his gun, Jensen sucked in one breath –

Then Mark put the gun to Sam’s temple and pulled the trigger.

The inhuman noise that tore itself from Jensen’s throat mingled with the sound of the gun until Jensen didn’t know where one sound started and the other ended - he didn’t know if it was a howl or a scream that was pouring from his mouth, a noise borne from pure agony, shock, sadness. All he could see was the spray of blood, the jerk of the beta’s head, the slump of her body, and then Mark was releasing her, dropping her carelessly to the ground and she tumbled and fell like a ragdoll, limp and unmoving and Jensen was seeing red, and he didn’t know if it was the blood – _oh god the blood, oh god, Sam_ – or if it was literal rage clouding his vision –

Jensen didn’t know when the noise had turned into a litany of curses, when he’d started spitting venom at Mark, anger and fury, pure hatred coursing through his veins – he was aware of the alpha suddenly twisting his arm tighter, pressing the knee firmer into his back, restraining him as he tried to rear up from the ground, tried to get to Mark, his alpha howling for blood, for revenge, for justice –

‘ – _fucking son of a bitch – you didn’t have to do that, you son of a bitch – you motherfucking monster – you didn’t have to do that_ – ’

Mark was entirely unaffected, blood now splattered across his front, up his neck, onto his face, a careless shrug moving his shoulders up and down. ‘I warned the bitch,’ he said casually, ‘I warned her not to get involved in this case.’

‘I’m going to kill you,’ the words were in a guttural growl, spat out hoarsely, breathlessly, and Jensen’s chest heaved with emotion, ‘I’m going to _kill_ you.’

He could barely see, his eyes blurred and he didn’t know if it was sweat or tears that was blinding him. Mark walked slowly to him, dropped to a crouch before him.

‘Good luck with that,’ he smirked, then lifted the gun and tapped it onto Jensen’s nose.

Jensen growled, jerked his head away. ‘You’re a fucking _monster_ ’ he hissed.

‘Am I?’ Mark tilted his head. ‘Or am I just a man trying to right a wrong? These progressive types, these crusaders…’ he wafted a hand in the direction of where Sam lay, ‘…thinking that they can change the order of things. Thinking that they can change literal _sacred_ bonds – like mateships. Since the dawn of time, mateships have been for life - omegas have been for _life_ \- they _belong_ to their alpha – _belong_ to them! _They belong to their alpha_! And then a couple of uppity bitches like Ms Smith here start jumping up and down, squawking about equal rights and fucking up the whole system – ’

‘You keep talking about her like that,’ Jensen rasped, tears of fury, of hatred burning his eyes, ‘I’m going to tear your throat out.’

Mark paused, surveyed him. ‘You know, it’s a real pity, this…’ he gestured between them, ‘this animosity between the two of us. I really had thought a fellow alpha would understand my predicament, you know?’ he said, almost sadly. ‘And you _have_ to understand - I _knew_ the justice system would fail me – the court – that whole circus. I knew the judge would take one look into Ms Smith’s big ol’ blues and give her everything she wanted. I knew. And… so, really, this was… this is my last resort you know? I wasn’t left with any other choice, Jensen. You, Jared, Ms Smith, you all didn’t leave me any other choice but to have things end up like this – ’

There was conviction, sincerity in Mark’s tone and all Jensen could think was that the alpha meant what he said – _believed_ it – and he remembered, all those months ago, thinking that Mark had seemed almost unhinged the last time he’d seen him – he remembered what he’d thought –

_One push…_

‘Now,’ Mark snapped suddenly, and he pressed the gun to Jensen’s forehead, hard enough to almost break skin.

Mark smiled as Jensen sucked in a sharp breath.

‘Time to get my dear mate down here with us, don’t you think?’ he said, then lifted his gaze to focus on the open hallway door, his voice rising to a shout, ‘I’ve already killed one of your friends, Jared – don’t make me kill the other!’

‘You’re not going to get away with this,’ Jensen whispered, ‘not any of this, you fucking bastard.’

‘Don’t make me send someone up there Jared,’ Mark wasn’t listening to Jensen, ‘if I have to send someone up there I might just have to blow off Mr Ackles’s fingers as compensation.’

There was silence, and Mark expelled a sigh. ‘Do I have to count to five again? One – ’

‘ _Don’t_!’

At the sound of Jared’s voice, frantic and loud, Jensen clenched his eyes shut.

 _No god dammit, Jared, no_ , he thought angrily, _stay upstairs – I told you to stay upstairs_ -

‘I’m coming down, Mark,’ there were footsteps, ‘just don’t – don’t shoot – _don’t_ – ’

Jensen wrenched his eyes open. ‘Jared, _don’t_ – ’

Mark drew the gun back, then whipped it across Jensen’s face with a crack and coloured lights exploded across his vision, his mouth filling with blood. Mark, meanwhile, was back on his feet, pointing the pistol down at Jensen, his eyes on the hallway door. He nodded to the other bodyguard, who moved to the doorway, just out of sight. Jensen swallowed, choked, tried to spit the blood out.

‘Jared – ’ he tried to warn.

The omega stepped from the hallway, and Jensen twisted his head around in time to see the omega’s outstretched hands, his own gun from his desk clutched in shaking fingers, and it was a good effort from Jared, a valiant try – but the alpha bodyguard was on him in an instant, grabbing the hand holding the gun and twisting it to point at the ground – there was the sharp retort as the gun fired involuntarily, the bullet hit the floorboards and lodged in the wood in a blast of splinters. Jared twisted, struggled and the alpha’s grip tightened on his hand, slid to his wrist – the thin, delicate omega wrist – and twisted, awkwardly, painfully, and there was a crunch and the sickening cracking of bones as he shattered the omega’s wrist and the gun fell to the ground with a clatter. Jared cried out in pain, legs crumpling, half collapsing to the ground.

‘ _Jared_!’ Jensen tried to surge upwards, felt himself pushed back down by the alpha bodyguard still gripping him. ‘Jared! You son of a – _don’t fucking touch him_ – leave him alone – leav – _ngggh_!’

Mark’s boot to his face came out of nowhere, connected with his cheek, jerked his head to the side, and he heard the crunch of bones, felt his cheek shatter, and the world skewered, tiny spots dancing in front of his eyes, his mind tumbling towards unconsciousness even as he clung to stay present.

‘Jensen!’ Jared cried out, trying to rise from the ground.

The bodyguard twisted his wrist, tightened his grip and Jared gave a cry of pain, slumping back down.

Mark sighed, rolled his eyes and tutted. ‘Do stop with the hysterics, Jared,’ he said mildly. ‘You’re just making us hurt you more.’

The bodyguard alpha was still clutching the omega’s wrist, squeezing just enough pressure to keep the hot, white pain burning and Jared was on his knees on the ground, half doubled in pain. He lifted his head, and his gaze landed on the figure of Sam and a choked, broken noise escaped his lips.

‘ _Sam_ – ’ it was a half moan, half sob. ‘God, Mark, what did you do – _what did you do_ – ’

Mark smiled and slowly walked to Jared, dropping down to a crouch in front of the omega. He cupped the omega’s face. Jared made a noise, trying to twist his face away, but the alpha held tight.

‘I did what I _had_ to do, darling,’ he said softly. ‘What _you_ drove me to do.’

A sob escaped Jared’s lips, his eyes shutting in agony, his face crumpling.

‘You lying asshole - ’ Jensen snarled, blinking, using the pain throbbing in his cheek, in his mouth, in his arm to ground himself, to keep himself conscious, ‘don’t listen to him, Jared, this _isn’t_ on you – it’s on _him_ , it’s – ’

Mark, still gazing at Jared’s face, lifted the gun and pointed it at Jensen. ‘One more word, I’ll shoot you Ackles.’

Jared’s eyes, shiny and wet, flew open again.

‘ _Don’t_ – Mark – please, don’t – ’ the omega burbled.

‘Sssh, shhh, darling, it’s ok, it’s ok,’ Mark crooned, and he moved the hand still gripping Jared’s face to thumb at the tears escaping the omega’s eyes. ‘I won’t, ok? I won’t hurt him… so long as you do what I say.’

Jared stilled, his eyes darted to Jensen, then back to Mark.

‘Jared, don’t listen to him’ Jensen said sharply. ‘Don’t – ’

Mark flicked the safety off his gun. ‘One more word, Ackles – ’

‘I’ll do it,’ Jared grabbed Mark’s outstretched arm with his free hand. ‘God – whatever – just don’t – don’t shoot him – _please_ , Mark, don’t – I’ll do _anything_ \- ’

‘Jared,’ Jensen shook his head desperately. ‘ _Jared_ – don’t – don’t listen to him – ’

‘Anything?’ Mark smiled, leant a little closer to the omega’s face. ‘How about a kiss hello, huh?’

There was a flicker of revulsion across Jared’s face, and the omega shrank back the tiniest bit. A growl tore itself from Jensen’s throat.

‘ _If you fucking touch him_ – ’ he raged.

‘You said anything Jared’ Mark’s fingers twitched on the gun, the arrogant smile still on his lips.

He used his grip on the omega’s face to tug it closer and Jensen made a strangled noise, felt his stomach turn. Jared’s eyes flickered once to him, skittered to the body of Sam, then away and Jensen saw the exact moment he shut down, his eyes shuttered close, resignation crept into every line and he wanted to _howl_ , to _rage_ –

Then Jared leant in fully and Mark all but attacked his mouth and Jensen made a low noise deep in his throat, felt bile burn the back of his throat. It wasn’t a kiss of love or passion, but domination, degradation and humiliation and his inner alpha was seeing red and he didn’t know how much more he could stand, how much more he could watch –

Then Mark pulled back, biting down on Jared’s mouth as he did so, teeth tearing into the omega’s lips, drawing blood and making him gasp in pain. There was barely a pause – hardly a beat between Mark breaking the kiss and then him twisting, yanking Jared’s head to one side, exposing his neck, exposing the claiming mark. He bit savagely, all but tore into the already existing claiming mark, teeth plunging into flesh. Jared cried out in pain, blood spurted, welled up.

‘ _Jared_!’ Jensen shouted, his upper body almost surging from the ground before the alpha could pin him back down, thrashing and twisting in the bodyguard’s grip.

Mark bit down harder and then he wrenched backwards, tore the chunk of flesh from Jared’s neck and the omega gave a cry of agony, hand flying to his neck as blood flowed freely from the wound. Mark spat the flesh to the ground and grinned, teeth bloodied, the red smeared grotesquely around his mouth. He nodded to the alpha bodyguard still clutching Jared’s broken wrist.

‘You can let that go now,’ he told him, ‘I think we’ve established who Jared belongs to now, haven’t we darling? Established who you’ll obey?’

The alpha dropped Jared’s wrist and the omega instantly tugged it to his chest, huddled over himself on the ground, a sob of pain escaping his lips as the blood pulsed between the fingers that clutched at the wound on his neck. Mark rose to his feet, loomed over him.

‘Get up’ he commanded sharply.

For a moment Jared didn’t move, still curled in on himself. Jensen’s heart was thundering in his ears, breath rasping in his chest –

‘ _Jared_ ’ he whispered, and he wanted to grab Jared, wanted to clutch him, protect him and simultaneously he wanted to _tear_ Mark limb from limb, wanted to _rip his throat out_ –

Mark sighed, rolled his eyes and pointed the gun to Jensen. ‘Get up, _bitch_ , or I’ll shoot him.’

Shaking, Jared slowly got to his feet, swaying a little when he was upright, his face pale, pinched in pain, blood staining his shirt, eyes cast to the ground.

‘There’s a good bitch,’ Mark smiled. ‘Now, you and I are going to go outside, get into the car I have waiting and drive and you’re going to come quietly and obediently, ok? Because my two men here are going to stay back with Mr Ackles and have me on the phone and the _tiniest_ hint of you misbehaving, of you trying _anything_ – they’re going to shoot him. You understand me?’

Jared’s eyes darted to Jensen. The alpha instantly tried to catch the omega’s stare, tried to hold it, but Jared’s gaze skittered away.

‘Jared,’ he said, ‘Jared, don’t.’

 _The police,_ he wanted to say, _the police – surely you called them, you can stall, don’t go with him – don’t –_

‘Ok,’ Jared said quietly. ‘Ok, Mark.’

Jensen let out a low groan. ‘ _Jay_ …’

‘Excellent,’ Mark beamed, ‘come along then, sweetheart.’

Jared kept his eyes focused on the ground, moved slowly to the door as Mark handed his gun to the other bodyguard, who immediately pointed it at Jensen. The alpha then turned, smiled down at Jensen and tipped him a wink.

‘No hard feelings, right Ackles?’ he said cheerfully. ‘Just a case of the better alpha winning, right?’

‘Fuck you’ Jensen spat.

Mark only laughed, turned on his heel and, with a smirk, trod purposefully on Sam’s hair as he walked to the door, wrenching it open.

‘You’re not going to get away with this’ Jensen snarled.

Mark paused, turned back to him as Jared passed by, stepping out of the door. ‘Oh, I think I will, Ackles’ he replied calmly.

Then he turned and shoved in the centre of the omega’s back, send him tumbling down the front porch steps, landing hard – _too hard_ , Jensen thought wildly, and a panicked cry escaping his lip – _too hard_ on his protruding stomach.

Mark laughed, long and loud as Jared scrabbled up, grabbed at his stomach, panic on his face, hands clutching and seeking, running frantically over the rounded surface.

‘Goodbye, Jensen’ Mark sneered, then stepped outside and shut the door firmly behind him.

 

**

The silence at the close of the door was almost deafening. One alpha crouched over Jensen, knee to his back, twisting his arm up, keeping him pinned to the floor, the other silently pointed the gun at him. Jensen’s mind was whirling – he couldn’t let Mark get too far away with Jared. _Where would the alpha take the omega_? _Where would they go_?

Panic was making his heart start to thunder, beat frantically in his chest. His only hope was that the police would be on their way – that they’d disarm the two alphas and then they could get onto tracking Mark and Jared. But how long would it take? How long would Jared be forced to be with Mark? Jared – with a broken wrist, bleeding from the neck – and that fall… Jensen tried not to think of that. Pregnant people fell down all the time, he was sure – it couldn’t be uncommon. The fall onto his stomach _couldn’t_ have harmed the baby. It _couldn’t_ have.

But _Mark_ could.

Mark could and he _would_ – the whispered threat from all those months ago slithered into Jensen’s brain – “ _I’ll cut that spawn from his stomach_ ” – and Mark – Mark who’d shot Sam without flinching, had torn flesh out of Jared’s neck with his very teeth – he _would_ do it. Jensen had no doubt. He would.

They had to get to Jared before it was too late.

‘Your bitch is stupid, you know,’ the alpha pointing the gun at Jensen spoke suddenly, startling him from his whirling thoughts.

His eyes flew to the impassive face looming over him.

‘Don’t call him that’ he spat.

The alpha shrugged. ‘Stupid? Or bitch? Cause he’s both,’ he said. ‘Mark’s gonna pump him full of sedatives in five minutes time, knock him right out. And then in,’ he looked at his watch, ‘in eight minutes, we’ve got orders to shoot you. In ten minutes, we’ll be out of here. And when we leave we’re gonna set alight to this whole place. The guys outside have been drenching it in gasoline. By the time the police get here, the flames’ll be sky high. Stupid bitch should never have bothered to go with Mark. He was never gonna let you live.’

Jensen felt his throat tighten, his breath quicken – not from surprise, _no_ , because he _knew_ Mark had never had any intention of letting him live; but from the time limit suddenly imposed.

_Eight minutes._

_Eight minutes_ and the bodyguard alpha would put a bullet in his head. _Eight minutes_ and all knowledge of who had Jared, of who had taken him, of what had happened, would be snuffed out with his existence.

_Eight minutes._

His mind started to race, too quickly, too frantically to be coherent. He _had_ to get loose. He _had_ to free himself. He _had_ to escape. But time was moving too fast, too quickly, and there wasn’t time to think coherently – if he tried to pull free, they’d shoot him – the gun pointed in his face put the alphas at too much of an advantage, made him powerless and –

There was a noise, the soft bang of a door shutting.

Both of the alpha bodyguards jerked their heads towards the location of the noise – somewhere beyond the hallway, near the kitchen.

 _The back door to the kitchen?_ Jensen thought. _Had the police arrived, stealthily, surreptitiously, sirens turned off? Were they now entering through the back?_

The alpha pointing the gun at Jensen looked to his companion. He hesitated a moment, flicked a look at his watch, then back up to his partner.

‘I should check it out’ he said, voice low.

‘Probably the wind’ the other replied.

‘Maybe,’ the alpha agreed, ‘but do you wanna take the chance? You right to hold onto this one?’

He jerked his head to Jensen as he spoke. The alpha gripping him scoffed a little.

‘An old alpha with a bad hip – yeah man, I got it’ he said scornfully, and Jensen bristled, tightened his jaw.

The other alpha bobbed his head and headed out the door towards the kitchen. Jensen immediately tensed his body, calmed his mind. The gun was off him. This was his only chance.

At that moment there was a thump from the kitchen, the noise of a grunt and the alpha holding Jensen shifted a little, his gaze shooting down the hallway, distracted, mind on his partner, mouth opening to call out –

Jensen moved instantly, took advantage of the alpha not paying attention, of the slightly lessened tension on his back, and he moved, rolled his hips, rocked to one side, ignores the scream of pain that shot up his bad hip, the tear of the damaged muscles as they protested the movement. The alpha gave a startled grunt, momentarily knocked off balance and it was enough – enough loosening on his arm, enough of the alpha half falling from his back, enough for him to get his free arm up and elbow backwards, slam it into the alpha’s chest. The alpha gave a whooshed gasp, faltered and Jensen rolled them, the alpha falling to the ground and Jensen scrabbling atop. He bought his fist down on the alpha’s nose, shattering it, blood spurting. The alpha roared, flailed with his arms and Jensen felt the fists hit his shoulder, skim across his already damaged cheek, sending waves of pain through his face, but he punched again at the alpha’s face – again and again and again, until the fists stopped flailing, dropped like lead to the alpha’s side and the alpha’s face was a bloodied mess, Jensen’s own knuckles split and torn.

There were footsteps, someone appearing at the hallway door and Jensen, wildly, thinking it was the other alpha returning, grabbed at the gun in the unconscious, beaten bodyguard’s holster and whipped it up.

‘Don’t move!’ he shouted.

‘Jensen – stop, it’s _me_!’ Misha yelped, throwing up both hands.

Jensen stopped, blinked, wavering a little. ‘Misha?’

‘It's me,’ Misha answered, stepping into the hallway. ‘I was trying to call Sam and got no answer and I got worr–’

The words died on his lips as his eyes scanned the hallway – flickered from the bloodied alpha beneath Jensen, to the figure that lay prone in the hallway. Misha’s lips parted, his eyes went wide.

‘ _No’_ he whispered.

Then he was rushing down the hallway, past Jensen, falling to his knees next to the figure.

‘ _Samamtha_ ’ he breathed out.

Jensen, meanwhile, let the arm holding the gun drop and crawled off the unconscious alpha to the wall, grabbed at it and used it to haul himself to his feet. He was shaking all over, entire body trembling, his cheek pulsating with pain, hip aching, and he couldn’t – he _couldn’t_ turn his head, _couldn’t_ turn to look where Misha was kneeling because he didn’t want to see Sam again, couldn’t _face_ seeing her again –

‘Misha,’ he rasped. ‘Misha, the police – are they – ’

‘What happened?’ Misha whispered and Jensen could hear the pain in his voice, but he wouldn’t turn, wouldn’t look.

‘The police, Misha,’ he repeated. ‘I need – Jared – ’

‘There were men outside…’ Misha said softly, ‘I… I knocked them out. The – _Jesus_. Jensen. Sam. _Sam_.’

Pain lanced through Jensen at the mention of her name and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

‘Misha’ he said.

‘There’s an accident,’ Misha told him. ‘On the roads. No one can get through. I was near enough that it didn't block me but. The police. If you’ve… that’s why –’

Jensen tightened his jaw, bit back a curse; an accident. Some sort of road block. And... and the call made from a distressed omega, about a well known omega rights lawyer. It wouldn’t be priority, he realised suddenly, they wouldn’t make it priority. They never did with omegas. He knew that. In an instant, he made a decision. He started to limp out of the hallway, heading to the kitchen.

‘Jensen?’ Misha called after him. ‘Jensen!’

Jensen reached the kitchen and the other alpha bodyguard was sprawled on the ground, unconscious, a red bruise forming across his forehead when Misha had clearly hit him. Jensen limped to the tap, grabbed a glass, filled it with cold water, then limped back to the alpha. Misha was in the doorway, eyes huge, face pale and blood on his hands, shirt – _Sam’s blood,_ Jensen mind’s whispered, and he told it to _shut the fuck up_ -

‘Jensen, what – ’

‘I need you to hold this guy down’ Jensen rasped.

Misha stared wordlessly at him. ‘Jensen, what _happened_ here? _Sam_ – ’

‘Listen, you can either fuckin’ hold this guy down, or shut the fuck up and get out, got it?’ Jensen barked.

Misha didn’t say anything for a moment, then he moved to drop down next to the alpha, rolling him to his front, pinning his arms behind his back and kneeling on the base of the spine, an echo of how they’d held Jensen not mere moments ago. Jensen took a deep breath, then tipped the water over the alpha’s head. The alpha’s face twitched, spasmed, and Jensen kicked at his cheek as he loomed over him.

‘Hey – dickhead,’ he barked. ‘Wake the fuck up!’

The alpha stirred, eyes fluttering. It took a few seconds before he realised he was on the ground, that Jensen was looming over him, and someone was pinning him from behind and he started to thrash and struggle. Jensen reared his foot back and kicked him again, hard on the cheek.

‘Stop fuckin’ moving, asshole,’ he snarled.

‘Fuck you’ the alpha spat.

‘Lissen, your buddies have all been taken care of, no one is comin’ to rescue you – so if you want to get out of this in one piece, I suggest you start co-operatin’, got it?’ Jensen snapped, hefting the gun he’d taken from the other alpha in one hand and levelling it at the alpha’s face. ‘Now – where’s Mark takin’ Jared?’

Misha made a soft noise, eyes widening, startled, but Jensen didn’t have time to focus on him, to explain what was going on, all his concentration centring on the alpha bodyguard. The alpha sneered up at him.

‘Get fucked Ackles.’

Jensen’s jaw tightened. ‘I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that, and I’m gonna give you one more chance – where’s Mark takin’ Jared?’

The alpha bared his teeth. ‘Go fuck yourself.’

‘Right’ Jensen breathed out. ‘Right.’

Then he limped around to the side of the alpha, both Misha and the bodyguard tracking his movements with sharp eyes. Jensen then aimed the gun, and, without hesitating, shot the alpha in the back of the leg. The alpha gave a yelp of pain, Misha jumped at the sound of both the gun and the yell.

‘ _Jensen_!’ he gasped, horrified.

‘ _Where’s Mark takin’ Jared_?’ Jensen overrode him, his focus on the alpha.

‘You fuckin’ asshole – you _fuckin_ ’ – ’ the alpha raged.

Jensen took two steps forward and slammed his boot into the bullet wound, pressed down. The alpha howled.

‘ _Answer me_! Where’s Mark takin’ Jared?!’

‘Jensen’ Misha started to look panicked, fear creeping into his eyes.

‘Fuck you – ’ the alpha started.

Jensen levelled the gun, and shot him in the other leg. The alpha gave a scream.

‘Next one, I get Misha to roll you over and shoot off your dick,’ Jensen snapped. ‘Now _where’s Mark takin’ Jared_?!’

‘Fuckin’ – fuck – _fuck_ – ’ the alpha cursed.

‘Misha, could you rol –’ Jensen started.

‘ _All right_! All right you _fuckin’ psycho_!’ the alpha roared. ‘He’s got a private jet! He’s got a private jet waitin’ – he’s takin’ the omega out of the country –’

Jensen sucked in a sharp breath. He couldn’t let Mark take Jared from the country, couldn’t let Mark board that plane and leave.

‘Where?’ he demanded harshly. ‘Where’s the private jet takin’ off from? I need an address!’

The alpha muttered a curse, wriggled on the ground, breath coming in short, sharp pants of pain. Jensen made a noise of frustration and slammed his boot onto the bullet wound again.

‘ _Address,_ asshole!’ he roared as the alpha shrieked in pain.

Through the noises of pain, and interspersed with a litany of spat curses and insults, the alpha stuttered out an address, a place the opposite direction to the road block, Jensen figured. Because luck wouldn’t be enough on their side to have the road block that delayed the police also impede Mark’s escape. He let out a long breath, gave the alpha a crooked smile.

‘There, was that so hard?’ he said.

‘Fuck y – ’ the alpha started to snarl.

Jensen drew back his foot and kicked him once – twice in the head, and the alpha slumped, went still on the ground, unconscious. Misha instantly released his hold, got to his feet, staggered back, and his entire body was shaking.

‘Jensen…’

Jensen wasn’t listening, was already turning and limping back towards the hallway, towards the front door.

‘Jensen? Where are you – Jensen – _Jesus_ – what was _that_? You can’t – you _shot_ him – that was – _torture_ – ’ Misha stumbled after him, words tumbling over one another.

Jensen entered the hallway, kept his gaze focused on the doorway, didn’t let his eyes drop to Sam on the ground, couldn’t let himself look, couldn’t let himself stop to think, to feel –

‘ _Jensen_!’ Misha reached him, grabbed his arm, pulled him to a halt. ‘Jensen, where are you going? _What is going on_?’

Jensen tugged his arm free. ‘Where d’you think I’m going? I’m goin’ to get Jared, I’m goin’ to stop Mark from takin’ him out of the country!’

‘You can’t – ‘ Misha threw up both hands. ‘The police – you need to leave this up to the – ’

‘The police are delayed – you said it yourself – there _isn’t time_ to wait, Misha!’ Jensen snapped, grabbing the keys for Sam’s car from where they hung on the key holder beside the door.

‘Jensen – ’ Misha ran a hand over his face.

‘ _What_ , Misha, _what_?’

Jensen whirled to face him, couldn’t stop his eyes skittering past the alpha to the figure on the ground, couldn’t help the lurch in his stomach, the rise of bile in his throat, the clench on his heart –

Misha stared at him a moment, then drew in a deep breath. ‘Be careful’ he said finally.

‘I – what?’ Jensen blinked a moment.

‘Be _careful_ ,’ Misha repeated, stepping back from him. ‘When the police come, I’ll tell them what happened. As much as I can figure what happened I guess. I’ll tell them where Mark’s gone. You… just… you just get there in time, ok? Just get there in time.’

Jensen nodded slowly, tightened his grip on the keys, felt the sharp edges jab into the flesh of his palm. ‘Thanks, Misha’ he said quietly.

Then he turned and headed out the door, heard the soft “ _good luck_ ” murmured behind him, before he headed to the car, hopped in, started it and then gunned it from the driveway.

 

**

 

Jensen almost missed it.

He was driving too fast, too urgently, his entire focus on getting to Mark and Jared before the alpha could take the omega away. His foot was pressed on the gas pedal, almost flat to the ground, and he drove recklessly, weaved in and out of traffic, ignored the beeps and shouts from other drivers. He turned down a long stretch of road, wide and empty, void of any other cars, and used the opportunity to press the pedal down harder, to urge the car faster, his hands white-knuckled on the steering wheel.

 And it was a flash out of the corner of his eye – a fleeting glimpse.

His brain registered what he saw – at least, what he thought he saw – and his head whipped around so fast it sent hot white pain shooting down the length of his neck. He slammed on the brakes of the car, and the tyres squealed, spun, the back of the car skidded, and Jensen yanked the wheel, felt the car do an almost 180 around, the smell of burnt rubber in the air as the car skidded and slid, before finally – _finally_ – stopping.

Jensen didn’t even pause a moment to breath, was out of the car in a heartbeat, his eyes staring off the side of the road.

There was a car wreck.

The steam was still rising from the crumpled hood of the car, the entire front of the car rammed and crushed up against a tree. There were skid marks darkening the road, showing where the car had come off the street, had careered into the tree.

Jensen started a hobbling run, ignored the pain stabbing his hip as he went. He didn’t know _how_ he knew – couldn’t explain _what_ had made him stop, made him think that _this_ was the car – but he couldn’t ignore his every instinct screaming that Jared was in that wreck.

As he got closer, the smell of petrol permeated the air, mingling with a coppery tang that Jensen recognised as blood – and his stomach turned at the thought, mouth going momentarily dry with fear. He drew closer, eyes raking the car – saw the windscreen shattered, almost punctured through, like someone had been thrown through on the driver’s side, and there was tatters of fabric and blood clinging to the sharp shards of glass.

But Jensen’s gaze focused on the passenger seat.

On the passenger seat where a figure was slumped over, seatbelt pulled taunt as they almost dangled from it, surrounded by fragments of shattered glass, stained in blood.

_Jared._

Jensen was hurrying to around the side of the car in an instant, panic building in his chest, overriding the little voice that asked where Mark was, that whispered that he should check for where the alpha had been thrown from the car, that he should be alert, should be on guard.

All that mattered – all he could think about – was _Jared_.

He grabbed the handle of the passenger side roughly, wrenched at the door, the dented framework of the car making it stick and stay shut. A flood of curses felt from his lips as he dropped the gun he still held, grabbed the handle with both hands and shook and pulled at the door. There was finally a creak, a grating noise of metal, and the door fell open. Jensen scrabbled to the side of the car, fell to his knees, hands hovering, wanting to touch, to inspect, but terrified of hurting the omega more.

Blood was still oozing steadily from the wound on Jared’s neck, and a long cut now sliced across his forehead, a purpling bruise forming behind it. The front of the car had buckled in, and Jensen could see the metal had crushed one of Jared’s legs, trapped it, and he could see blood puddling on the floor. The seatbelt was tight around Jared’s protruding stomach and Jensen couldn’t help one hand instantly going to it, the other coming to cup the side of Jared’s face. His fingers spanned the omega's stomach, danced across the swell of it, searching in vain for a sign that everything was ok, that the life inside was still thriving.

‘ _Jared_ ’ Jensen whispered, the hand cupping the omega’s face falling to his shoulder and gently pushing Jared back into the seat, mindful of not jolting his trapped leg.

The omega’s head lolled, eyes shut, and Jensen’s finger’s slid to his neck, to the uninjured side, and searched, shaking, trembling, until he felt the sluggish thrum of a heart beat. A breath whooshed from Jensen’s mouth and his head fell forward to gently rest on Jared’s limp arm.

‘Thank god,’ he breathed, and he could feel his eyes burning, ‘ _thank god_.’

He lifted his head and moved both hands to cradle Jared’s face. ‘Jay,’ he called softly, ‘sweetheart, wake up for me. Jay. C’mon, sweetheart, open those eyes for me – please?’

‘ _Get your fuckin’ hands off my property_.’

The words – spoke in a garbled, gurgling tone – barely had time to register in Jensen’s brain before something hit him on the side of the head and sent him tumbling to one side, stars bursting in front of his eyes, pain exploding through his head. He hit the ground, stunned and for a second the world spun around him, lurched beneath him – then a hand grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled, dragged him away from the car, across the dirt. He came back to himself, struggled, flailed and wrenched free of the grip, rolled to one side.

He half sat up and had time to see Mark – Mark, his face a blooded, shredded mess, one eye nothing but a bloodied, swollen wound, and one arm hanging limply, uselessly at his side, soaked in blood, all but shredded by glass. The alpha was sucking in rattling, heaving breaths, laboured and pained, was swaying and barely upright, but the wild look was still in his one good eye, the frenetic, frantic, maniacal energy still crackling from his half-dead frame.

Jensen had time to take it in – take it all in – then the alpha kicked him in the face, sent pain radiating up already broken bones in his cheek and nose, sent him back on the ground, flat on his back. Mark staggered forward, all but fell atop him, weight landing heavily onto Jensen’s chest and stomach, and then his one hand grabbed at Jensen’s throat, tried to tighten around it, fingernails digging into his flesh. Jensen instantly twisted, pulled from the scrabbling grip. He shoved up with a hand, jammed it into the wounds on Mark’s other arm, dug his fingers into the open cuts and gashes. Mark howled, rearing backwards and Jensen tried to roll them, tried to pin the other alpha beneath him.

But Mark resisted, pushed back, grappled and scratched at Jensen’s face with his good hand, and with the fingers flying at his face, Jensen tried to shut his eyes, tried to twist away. Mark let of his face, scrabbled at the ground and grabbed a hold of a rock and Jensen opened his eyes to see it swing at his face, felt it connect to the side of his head as he tried to dodge the swing and coloured lights burst in front of his eyes, the world dipped and swayed dangerously.

The stone swung again, slammed into his head and Jensen felt himself reeling towards darkness, towards unconsciousness – tried to fight it, tried to move – _Mark was going to kill him_ , was going to bash his brains in and then Jared – he’d go after Jared, Jensen had to do _something_ – had to – the gun – _where was the gun he bought_ – where –

There was sounds, a cacophony of noises, sirens wailing – or was it Jensen’s own head ringing? The world was blurring, Mark was spinning in and out of focus – he was lifting the rock again –

_Move – he had to move – had to get to Jared – Jared – Jared –_

And then – and then there was a noise, a defeaning blast and something like a fine spray of red mist splattered across his face, and Mark’s body was jolting, the sirens were getting louder –

\- _Jared,_ Jensen thought, _Jared - Jared -_

Then Mark tumbled forward, landed heavily atop Jensen and Jensen felt the darkness grab him, drag him under, everything starting to fade away as his eyes slid closed, his mind repeating the same word over an over even as he lost consciousness.

_JaredJaredJaredJaredJaredJaredJared…_

 

**

 

It was the continuous beeping that filtered through to Jensen first.

Then he breathed in, and the scent of antiseptic, of sterile cleanliness, burned his nostrils and he knew.

 _Hospital,_ he thought vaguely.

He kept his eyes closed, for a moment unwilling to open them, unwilling to surface to the land of the living. After all, the last time he’d opened his eyes in a hospital it had been to see his hip irrevocably damaged and his career in tatters.

He tried to grope through his memories, through the haze of images, tried to pinpoint _why_ he was in hospital, _what_ had happened. He’d been – he’d been – at Sam’s. At Sam’s with Jared. Making dinner for Jared and his unborn child. He’d been making dinner and – and the doorbell had rung – the doorbell had rung and – and –

_Sam._

_Jared._

Jensen’s eyes flew open, and he tried to surge upwards, a noise escaping his lips, the beeping noise speeding up as his heart rate escalated.

There was a flurry of startled movement at his bedside.

‘Jensen?’

Jensen twisted in the bed, sucked in a sharp breath.

‘ _Jared_.’

The omega was in a wheelchair, the entire calf of one leg swathed in bandages, a cast covering his wrist and there was a white bandage peeking out from the top of his hospital gown, covering one side of his neck, another across his forehead. Jensen reached for him, felt himself shake, tremble with sheer relief at seeing the omega awake, conscious.

‘Jay…’ he murmured.

Only – his hands never touched the omega, never came close, because suddenly Jared was wheeling back from him, out of his reach. Jensen, puzzled, dropped his hands.

‘Jared?’ he blinked.

‘I’ll get – the doctor – they need to – I’ll go get someone’ the omega stuttered out, and began to wheel backwards.

Jensen felt his chest tighten at the sight of the omega wheeling from the room, wheeling out of his grip, felt alarm bells go off in his head at the way Jared’s gaze didn’t meet his, at the way he dodged his touch.

‘Jared – ’ he croaked. ‘Jared – ’ and then, because he _had_ to know, he had to, ‘the _baby_ – Jay – ’

The omega glanced back briefly, then away. ‘The baby’s fine, Jensen,’ he paused, hesitated, looked back at Jensen, ‘… uh, she’s fine. The baby… she’s fine.’

Jensen felt all his energy drain from his body and he all but fell back onto his bed, felt his eyes prickling, his throat closing.

 _She_.

A daughter.

_She._

He lifted a hand, felt the pinch of the IV in the back of it, and rested it gently on his forehead. Now he was more awake, more aware, he could feel the pulsing ache in his head, could feel the tightness of stitches and bandages across his face. He wondered how bad he must look – broken cheekbones most likely, broken nose, and the hits he’d taken to his head – it was no wonder Mark hadn’t caved in his skull. It was probably only because the alpha had been weakened, half dead from the car crash that had prevented his blows from being more forceful.

He closed his eyes. In his mind's eye he could see Mark, blurred and indistinct, looming above him, and could almost feel the spray of blood across his face, the sound of a gunshot in the air.

Someone had shot Mark. Had stopped him from battering Jensen’s skull in.

_Jared? Had Jared been the one to pull the trigger?_

His thoughts drifted, thoughts of bullets sending them down the path he was steadfastly refusing to go down, trying to ignore, trying not to think about.

 _Sam._ Jensen sucked in a breath, bit at his lip. _Sam_. God. She was – _she was_ –

‘Mr Ackles,’ a soothing voice spoke and Jensen opened his eyes, startled, hadn’t even realised that the doctor had entered. ‘Glad to see you’re awake.’

The doctor, a grey-haired beta, stepped closer to the bed, and Jensen peered behind to see Jared had wheeled in behind him. He tried to catch the omega’s gaze, failed and turned his attention back to the beta.

‘How long have I been out?’ he asked.

‘About two days now,’ the beta replied as he shuffled his chart. ‘You took some nasty blows to your head, Mr Ackles. Why don’t we have a quick look and make sure everything’s still in working order?’

Jensen let the doctor look over him, shine lights into his eyes to measure pupil dilatation, answered the questions the doctor fired at him to check his brain hadn’t been shaken up by Mark’s attack, took note when the doctor said they’d want to keep him in for a few days for a few more scans, just to check there was no lasting damage, and tried hard not to let his impatience show for the entire thing to be over so he could talk to Jared. Jared, who was clearly listening, but would still not look at him, who fidgeted in his chair, his face pale and his eyes sad and downcast.

When the doctor left, there was a silence that sat heavily in the room.

‘Jared…’ Jensen said softly.

The omega’s gaze darted to him, then away. ‘The police want to talk to you,’ he said quietly. ‘They want to know what happened. They’ve been waiting for you to wake up.’

There was a pause.

‘What _did_ happen?’ Jensen asked softly.

Jared glanced up, looked a little startled. ‘You don’t – you don’t remember?’ he stammered.

Jensen shook his head. ‘No, no, I remember… the house and… everything,’ he stopped, swallowed hard as images surfaced, danced across his vision – _a shot, the jolt of Sam’s body, the blood_ – he instantly tried to force the images away, ‘but the car… I – by the time I drove past, you’d crashed – ’

Jared rubbed a hand absently on his stomach. ‘He – Mark – he tried to – there was a needle – he tried to inject me and – he didn’t – I don’t think he thought I’d fight because – because he had you and – and – but – but – I thought it was… I thought it was something that would hurt her,’ he clutched his stomach a little, voice dropping to a whisper, ‘I thought it was something that would kill her and I _couldn’t_ – I panicked – I – I couldn’t let anything happen to her – so I just – just struggled and _hit_ and _bit_ and _yelled_ and Mark – Mark didn’t stop the car, pressed harder on the gas and I yelled at him to pull over – but he didn’t – and then we just – we just lost control – spun out and – it was a blur, you know? A blur – I just remember the tree, coming _so_ fast and then – then nothing –’

He paused, swallowed. Jensen waited.

‘Until… I woke up,’ Jared shifted in the wheelchair as much as his leg would allow, ‘I woke up and everything hurt, and I could hear sirens – and Mark was yelling, and when I twisted in the seat – I saw – I saw him _hit_ you with the rock – and he was going to again – he was going to _kill_ you – but I couldn’t get free – not with my leg trapped, and I saw – I saw a gun – there was a gun _right_ there so I just – didn’t think – just grabbed it and fired and – ’

Jared struggled a moment, reached up and swiped at his face and his eyes were shiny, wet. ‘I had to save you – I _had_ to and – and I _hated_ him, I _hated_ him – for what he did to… to me, and to S…’ he choked a moment, eyes fluttering shut, ‘I _hated_ him.’

‘Jared’ Jensen whispered, and he wanted the omega closer, wanted to tug him close, hold him, but Jared was still just out of reach, still just that bit too far away.

‘Jen… I’m…’ Jared opened his eyes, and a tear trickled down his cheek. ‘I’m so sorry. I’m _so sorry_ , Jensen.’

Jensen blinked a moment. ‘Sorry? Jared, what – ’

There was a knock on the door, startling them both and they glanced over as it opened slightly. Jensen couldn’t hold back his surprise at the man in the police uniform that stood there, feeling shock ripple through his body.

‘Stan?’ he said.

He hadn’t seen his former colleague in well over a year, the other alpha having distanced himself during Jensen’s downward spiral after JD’s death. And after Jensen had been shot and his career ended in disgrace – he hadn’t even glimpsed his former friend once. Stan was older, his stomach bulging a little, more portly, more haggard that he had any right to be in such a short space of time. Although, Jensen reckoned wryly, his own face a battered, swollen mess, he wasn’t really one to talk.

‘Heya, Jensen,’ the alpha seemed awkward as he stepped in. ‘I,uh – is this a bad time?’

His gaze flickered over Jared, then back to Jensen.

‘No, I – no, we… no it’s all good’ Jensen managed to get out.

‘Ah, good, I just – I’ve got to ask some questions, get everything down – I figure, if you’re up to it, we could do that now?’

 _Of course_ , Jensen realised, and he had been wondering why Stan was there, had been wondering if the alpha had heard of what had happened to Sam and come to share condolences – hadn’t realised that of course, _of course_ the alpha was here as a policeman, was only here to collect Jensen’s statement, would never have come here out of the goodness of his heart.

He watched as Stan walked in, tossing another quick glance at Jared. He wondered if Stan recognised the omega from that fateful night three years ago, wondered if Stan even remembered that night – the night Jensen’s entire world changed, splintered, and collapsed.

‘ – want to get everything sorted, you know, as quick as possible – with Pellegrino bein’ such a prominent businessman an’ all’ Stan was saying as he reached the bedside.

‘Right’ Jensen said blankly, glancing up at his former friend.

‘So, uh, in your own words – did you want to tell me what happened?’ Stan asked.

Jensen took a deep breath and spoke, keeping to the facts, detailing Mark’s threats months ago, and then the alpha appearing at the door, shooting Sam, kidnapping Jared, the plans to burn the house down and kill Jensen. When he was finished, Stan nodded slowly, had been scribbling notes the entire time.

‘Mark’s bodyguards – the men he had with him – they were pretty quick to throw him under the bus now he’s dead,’ the alpha policeman commented, ‘basically corroborated everything you and the omega said.’

 _“The omega_ ,” Jensen thought, and felt anger spike.

‘Jared’ he said.

‘Mm?’ Stan blinked.

‘His name is _Jared_ ,’ Jensen said coldly, ‘and he’s sitting right there. He’s _not_ “the omega.”’

Stan started a little, glanced to the silent Jared in his wheelchair. ‘Yeah, of course – I – yeah, I – yeah, I know’ he stammered.

‘Are we done?’ Jensen jutted his chin out, jaw tight.

Stan stared at him a moment. ‘Yeah. Yeah, we’re done’ he said.

He turned and started to head to the door, then paused and turned back, hesitating a moment.

‘I’m sorry about Sam,’ he said quietly. ‘She was a lovely lady.’

‘Yeah,’ Jensen clenched his fists, felt the pain swell in his chest, ‘yeah she was.’

‘And I…’ Stan bit his lip, ‘I’m sorry. You know. For how things… you know. All those years ago. When you got... Anyway. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.’

 _It wasn’t worth anything,_ Jensen realised, staring at Stan. _It wasn’t worth a damn thing._

‘Bye Stan’ he said tiredly.

Stan nodded slowly. ‘Bye Jensen.’

Then he was gone and it was just Jared and Jensen, and a silence that lay heavy on the room.

‘Jared,’ Jensen said quietly, ‘Jay. Can you just… please. You’re so… you’re so goddamn far away, sweetheart.’

Jared didn’t move, and his hands gripped the side of the wheelchair tightly. ‘I…’ the omega blinked, tears welled in his eyes again. ‘I _can’t_.’

‘Can’t? Can’t what?’

Jared closed his eyes, shook his head. ‘I’m just… it’s… I’m _so_ sorry, Jensen,’ his voice started to waver, to break, ‘I’m so sorry – this – it’s my fault. It’s _my_ fault – ’

It was painful, psychically hurting Jensen, his chest aching, to have Jared be too far away, too far to touch, to hold.

‘Jay, please,’ he pleaded, and stretched a hand out, ‘please you gotta – sweetheart, you gotta come here – please – ’

Jared shook his head violently, started to sob. ‘I don’t – it’s my fault, Jen, it’s my fault Sam’s dead and you’re hurt and – and – she’s _dead,_ Jensen, she’s _dead_ because of _me_ – ’

‘Don’t you _dare_ ,’ Jensen growled, ‘don’t you _fucking dare_ , Jared – this is _not_ on you – this is _not_ your fault, don’t you _dare_ put this on yourself – ’

Jared let out a sob. ‘It _is_ – ’

Jensen half sat up, made to move and felt a wave of dizziness swim over him.

Jared jerked forward. ‘Don’t – ’ he got out, ‘you shouldn’t move – ’

‘Then come _here_ ,’ Jensen demanded forcefully. ‘Come _here_ , Jared.’

Jared hesitated then finally, _finally_ wheeled the chair over to the beside. The moment he was within grasping distance, Jensen reached out, wrapped his arms around the omega’s upper half, drew him tightly to his chest and held on. He felt the omega crumple in his arms, felt the dampness start to spread across the thin cotton of his hospital gown where the omega had buried his face, felt the shakes of Jared’s frame as he started to sob. He felt his own eyes well and the pain, the sadness that had been building, rising in his throat, threatening to choke him, finally broke free in the form of tears that spilled down his cheeks.

He held Jared tighter, closer, and in an instant he made a decision. He let go of Jared, swung his body around as the omega, face red and tear stained drew back, looking confused, hurt, before Jensen manouvered himself to lift him from the wheelchair, to pull him, mindful of his casted leg, onto the bed with him. Jared made a noise of protest through his tears, a tiny struggle.

‘Jensen – there’s not enough –’

‘Shush,’ Jensen hushed him, and wriggling, moving, ignoring the waves of dizziness, he positioned them so Jared was flat on his back on the bed with him, Jensen curled around him – it was squishy, there was barely any room, the railings of the hospital bed dug into Jensen’s back, but he _needed_ this, _needed_ the closeness, _needed_ to be surrounded by the scent of his omega, pressed against the comforting warmth of him.

Jared gave in to the position, turning his head to press it against Jensen’s chest once more and they lay for a moment in silence, tears still clinging to Jared’s face, eyelashes and the pain in Jensen’s chest still hot, tight and present.

‘It’s not your fault,’ he said quietly, after a moment. ‘I need you to know that, Jared. This isn’t your fault. Sam wouldn’t have wanted you to blame yourself.’

Jared made a soft noise, a hitched breath and a quiet sob.

‘No, listen to me,’ Jensen made his voice firm, controlled, ‘listen to me, Jay. She – Sam – she fought for you, ok? She fought for you to be free from Mark. She _fought_ for that. You can’t – if you blame yourself, if you let this guilt consume you, it’s… it’s lettin’ Mark win, sweetheart, it’s lettin’ him have the last word. That’s not what Sam fought for, you know that. It’s not.’

A silence stretched between them and Jensen wondered if his words had gotten through, if Jared saw the truth in them.

‘I know,’ the omega spoke finally, his voice quiet, ‘I know. I know all that I just… right now, it’s… it’s hard to believe it. Right now, it’s… it’s just hard.’

‘It will be, for a while,’ Jensen reached a hand to gently touch Jared’s stomach. ‘But we’ll… we’ll get through. And anytime you have trouble believing, I’ll be there to remind you. I’ll remind you that Sam… she wouldn’t want you to torture yourself. She wouldn’t want that.’

He felt Jared nod slowly and they lay for a moment.

Jensen wanted to rub at his chest, as if the mere action would ease the pain that throbbed there, the ache of loss. It would be hard, for the both of them, not to let the events, the losses of the past few days tear them apart, ruin them. But they would make it through, he resolved. This _wouldn’t_ be a repeat of three years ago. He wouldn’t fall into the dark hole of depression and addiction, he wouldn’t let Jared leave this time. This time they’d push through _together_ – they’d have each other to get through this. This time they would be stronger.

_They would get through this._

He cleared his throat, and glanced down at the swell of Jared’s stomach.

‘A  "she," huh?’ he questioned, fingers dancing across the bump.

‘Yeah,’ Jared murmured, ‘the nurse let it slip – don’t think she meant to. They were just checking to make sure everything was ok and she told me “she’s in perfect health”,’ a ghost of a smile curved Jared’s lips, ‘she looked horrified when she realised I didn’t know.’

‘’S’good,’ Jensen laid his palm flat across the swell, ‘I’m glad we know. Makes it more… more real.’

Jared hummed his agreement and for a moment Jensen let his hand stroke in a soothing moment, let the feel of something alive, something beautiful, pure and innocent thrum beneath his palm. For all that had happened, all the pain, the death, the sadness – out of all of it, there was still this life, this life he and Jared created, this life for them to live for, to fight for, to push through for.

‘Hey baby girl,’ he whispered, ‘can’t wait to meet you.’

Jared turned his head, buried into the crook of Jensen’s neck.

‘Sam,’ he murmured softly.

‘Huh?’ Jensen turned his head a little to brush his lips over Jared’s hair.

‘I want to call her Sam’ Jared mumbled.

Jensen swallowed hard, closed his eyes tight.

‘Yeah,’ he agreed, ‘yeah that sounds perfect, Jay.’

He felt Jared’s hand come to join his resting on the swell of the belly, shifted himself so he was curled around the omega, wrapped around the two most important things in his life.

It was how the nurse founded them later, both asleep, entwined together on the bed, impossible to discern where one ended and the other began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides* sooo, don't hate me? Pretty please? (In all seriousness, please don't send hate, this story was already planned out sooo when y'all were telling me not to kill Sam I was like, ohhhh nooooooooooo...) Anyway - there will be a short HAPPY (I swear!) epilogue I'll probably post by the end of the week, just to end things on a cheerier note.


	13. Epilogue

_****THREE YEARS LATER** **_

 

A high pitched squealing greeted Jensen when he opened the door, almost bursting his eardrums, the shouted “ _Pappaaa_!!!” all but indecipherable amongst the squealing. He paused at the doorway, unable to stop the biggest, goofiest smile spreading across his face at the sound.

‘Hey trouble!’ he grinned as the tiny cannonball flew down the hallway towards him.

He made an exaggerated “ _oof_ ” noise and took several staggering steps back as she collided with his legs, wrapped her tiny arms around them.

‘Papa!’

Jensen shifted, untangled his legs from her grip and bent a little at his waist to cup the side of his daughter’s face as she titled it up to beam at him. The upturned noise was smattered in freckles, her almond shaped eyes a dazzling mix of green and brown, her face framed with an unruly mop of chestnut curls, her smile big and wide.

‘Hey Sammy’ he greeted her fondly.

The tiny omega – not taking either of her father’s tall broad frames, instead being small, delicate and fine-boned – grinned and grabbed at his hand, starting to tug him down the hall way, Jensen letting himself be led.

‘Where’s your Daddy, huh?’ he asked as they walked. ‘How come he’s not greetin’ me at the door?’

‘Because _he’s_ too busy cooking’ a voice called from the kitchen as he approached.

Jensen paused mid-step and gave his daughter a wide-eyed look. ‘ _Daddy’s_ cooking?’ he mock-whispered to her, pitching his voice so that he was sure Jared could hear.

Sam bobbed her head, widened her eyes and threw up her arms. ‘I _tried_ t’stop him!’ she told him solemnly.

Jensen pulled an exaggerated face. ‘Do you think we can sneakily order pizza?’

Sam giggled, slapping both hands to her mouth to muffle the sound, her head nodding enthusiastically.

‘I _heard_ that,’ Jensen glanced up and saw Jared had emerged, was leaning against the kitchen doorway, hip jutted out, a mock scowl on his face, ‘and just for that I’m not letting either of you have _any_ of my lasagne I prepared.’

‘We _c'n_ get pizza?’ Sam piped up hopefully.

‘Yeah, don't think that was much of a threat there, Jay’ Jensen tried to smother his mirth at his daughter's reaction.

‘ _Or,_ ’ Jared continued like they hadn’t spoken, ‘any of the big apple pie I bought either – ’

‘Nooooo’ Sam wailed, throwing herself at Jared’s leg. ‘Nooo, Daddyyyy –’

‘Uh oh,’ Jensen made a pitiful face, ‘we better apologise quick, Sammy!’

‘I sorreeee,’ Sam wrapped her arms around Jared’s leg, tilted her head up pleadingly, ‘Sorreeeeeeeee daddy.’

‘Better tell him he’s the best Daddy in the world’ Jensen urged.

‘Bestest daddy in th’world!’ Sam’s head was in danger of falling off it was nodding so much.

‘And the best cook in the universe!’ Jensen added.

Sam paused, pulled a face and looked back at Jensen. ‘Lie's wrong, Papa.’

‘Oh, get away, both of you,’ Jared huffed, rolling his eyes. ‘You’re both awful.’

Jensen laughed and Sam joined in the giggles before she released Jared’s legs and wandered off down the hallway in the direction of the lounge room. With one eye on his daughter's movement, Jensen crossed the distance to Jared, wrapping an arm around the omega’s waist and attempting to brush a kiss on his cheek. Jared pouted at him, ducking the kiss.

‘You really think you deserve kisses?’ he arched an eyebrow. ‘After makin’ fun of my cooking?’

‘As if you can resist my kisses’ Jensen grinned.

Jared rolled his eyes, but he smiled and leant in, giving the alpha a soft kiss, lips brushing over his. Jensen sighed aloud, a soft noise of contentment at the contact, before he drew back and brushed a strand of hair from where it curled on Jared's forehead.

‘Good day?’ Jared asked softly.

‘Better now,’ Jensen replied.

‘Sap’ Jared grinned.

‘ _Your_ sap’ Jensen retorted like he always did, and his fingers dropped to settle on Jared’s neck, trace the intricate, coloured tattoed designs there.

‘Always,’ Jared agreed, before he separated from Jensen's grip, made a shoo-ing motion with both hands, ‘now, go entertain Sam, get her out from under my feet – we've got Gen coming over soon and I need the food to be ready by then.’

‘Ahhh, Gen's coming over... that’s why you’re attempting to burn the house down is it?’ Jensen grinned.

Jared rolled his eyes, and started to turn away. ‘Oh shut it, I’m not _that_ bad.’

Jensen winked. ‘I’ll keep my comments about that to myself.’

He headed after Sam, hearing Jared’s muttered, “ _yeah you better_ ” as he called for his daughter, listening for the pattering of her feet as she ran towards the sound of his voice.

It had been three years.

Three years now since everything had happened. The aftermath of Sam’s death and Mark’s attack hadn’t been easy. They had both been grieving, both been still reeling from what had happened. More often than not during that time, one of them would wake in the night, shaking from nightmares – Jensen reliving the moment of Sam’s death, waking in a cold sweat with visions of blood dancing across his vision, with a sob in the back of his throat. Jared, dealing still with the abuse he’d gone through at Mark’s hands, through the years he lived with him and on that fateful day in question, waking with flailing arms and broken pleas falling from his lips.

It had been a harrowing time for both of them.

The police follow up and investigation hadn’t helped them to move on, keeping the attack at the forefront of their minds as they dealt with questions and legalities, reliving the day each time they retold the events. Jensen had been aware that police were only doing their job, that they _had_ to investigate the entire thing thoroughly, especially given the nature of the case – an _omega_ killing their previous alpha – but all that knowledge hadn’t eased his desire to attack any officer who pressed Jared just that little bit too hard in questions, who pushed the omega when he was already so fragile, so on edge.

The relief that they had felt once it was over was short-lived, as a new complication had arisen almost immediately in the form of Mark’s vast wealth. The alpha had never changed his will from the time that he had been mated to Jared, and the millions of dollars he had in the bank went automatically to the omega.

Jared had wanted nothing to do with it.

The money was tainted, he’d told Jensen, tainted with his blood, with Sam’s blood, with death and misery and pain. He wouldn’t touch it, wouldn’t use it. Jensen more than understood, even as he struggled to get a new job, even as his own mind worried and fretted with how he’d support Jared and the baby once it was born.

But he too, could no more consider taking the money than Jared could.

In the end, the idea had come to him a month or so later, an idea for the millions languishing in the bank. He had suggested Jared donate the money to an Omega Rights charity, put the money to use in helping to eradicate the “Mark’s” of the world. Jared had agreed, though he only donated half the money to the Omega Rights charity and to the foundations that developed and maintained Omega Sharehouses – the rest he decided to offer to Gen. Gen, who had decided she’d continue Sam’s work – would take on all the clients Sam still had on her books at the time of her death, would keep on fighting the cases for the downtrodden, the underdogs, the misrepresented, the poor. Gen had refused initially, but at his insistence she caved, with grateful sobs, and used the money to lease a small office, to really start up the business.

‘“Smith & Cortese”,’ she’d informed them proudly, ‘That’s what I’m calling it. Because even if she’s not around anymore, she’s still my damn partner in spirit.’

And they’d toasted – each with soda drinks – to Sam’s legacy.

It also ended up that Sam had left Jared and Jensen the house in her will. When it had been revealed that the beta had bequeathed them her home in the event of her death, it had almost broken Jensen once more. He wondered when she’d changed it, what had prompted her to change it. Had she had some terrible foresight into how things might have gone down? Or had she simply been thinking of the baby on the way, and trying, in her own way, to do something to help provide for it?

In any case, he had worried after they’d been told, because he knew, after all that had happened there, after all the blood that he could still see spilled on those floorboards, he could _never_ live there. He worried Jared would want to stay, would want to keep the house, but in the end the omega had had the same thoughts.

‘Too many bad memories,’ Jared had whispered softly that night, ‘I wouldn’t be able to… shake _him_ off. There’s too much of _him_ here.’

They sold the house – and it pained Jensen to do so; the house that had belonged to JD and Sam, but if he and Jared were going to move on, _really_ move on, they _had_ to let it go. With the money from the sale they bought a smaller house, three bedrooms, with a backyard that Jensen could envision housing a swing-set, a slide, that he could see his children playing in.

From the moment they moved in, it seemed as if things started to fall into place.

Jensen got a job working for a local private investigator, helping with paperwork, administration and the occasional case and the worries about money eased away. The rest of Jared’s pregnancy progressed without any issues and it seemed like no time at all before he gave birth to a beautiful, healthy omega. Samantha Rose Padalecki-Ackles.

It was her middle name that was the source of the inspiration for the tattoo Jared eventually got – tattooed over the scarred portion of his neck where Mark had torn into his flesh, had bitten the claiming mark. The rose was beautifully intricate and coloured red, expertly covering the scars, the reminder of Mark. And intertwined in the leaves and stem coming off the rose, was a date - the date that he and Jensen had agreed to once more form a relationship – and a design of two “J”’s tangled together.

‘You can’t give me a claiming mark,’ Jared had told Jensen softly, ‘but this way there’s still _something_ , you know? I just wanted _something_.’

A knock on the door startled Jensen from his thoughts and Sam gave another one of her high-pitched squeals.

‘Aun’ Gen!’ she shouted, and barrelled towards the door.

Jensen followed at a slower pace, his hip never quite the same after the abuse from that day and the way he’d overused the muscles escaping the bodyguard alphas and fighting Mark. Sometimes he loathed that, _loathed_ that he couldn’t simply grab his daughter and swing her up into his arms, or run with her in the backyard, but whenever those thoughts crept in, he fought them away, didn’t let the darkness and the self-loathing take hold – _not anymore_.

He opened the door, Sam hopping impatiently in front of it, and was promptly completely ignored by the beta on the other side.

‘My favourite goddaughter!’ Gen exclaimed, and promptly pushed right past Jensen to grab Sam, lifting her into the air and swinging her wildly.

‘Aun’ Gen!’ Sam shouted back.

Gen danced into the hallway, still wheeling Sam in circles, the tiny omega giggling and squealing. Jensen shut the door behind them, turned with an amused smile.

‘Hello to you too, Gen’ he called pointedly.

Gen shot him a dismissive glance. ‘Oh right – hi Jensen.’

Jensen rolled his eyes fondly as he limped after them down the hallway. Jared appeared in the kitchen doorway once more, beamed at his friend.

‘Hey, Gen!’ he greeted her. ‘I’ve got the setup on the back patio if you want to head on out – I’m just finishing up dinner in here – ’

Gen plopped Sam on the ground, gaped at Jared. ‘ _You’re_ cooking?’ her voice was horrified.

Jared scowled. ‘You know what – you all suck’ he huffed, and turned to head back into the kitchen.

Jensen let out a bark of laughter, felt happiness and contentment thrum in his veins. It would be a good night. One of _many_ good nights they’d had. Jared and Gen might share some wine, which Jensen liked them to do, because for a while they’d tiptoed around it, as if terrified the sight of alcohol would tip him back into old habits – but he was stronger than that now, and he was glad that they too seemed to recognise the inner resolve he'd gained. He hadn’t had a drop of alcohol since the day Sam had yelled at him, had berated him for wallowing in self pity. He’d tattooed the date on his wrist, used it to remind himself _why_ he was sober, _why_ he was staying strong.

His other wrist, he’d tattooed the same date Jared had with the same two “J”’s intertwined.

‘You didn’t have to tattoo it as well’ Jared had told him.

‘I _wanted_ to,’ Jensen had shrugged, ‘I told you – this isn’t a… ownership. A case of you belonging to me. We belong to _each other_. If you have something that says you belong to me, I want something that says I belong to you too.’

‘Sap’ Jared had smiled.

‘ _Your_ sap’ Jensen had returned.

Jensen stood a moment in the hallway, watched as a babbling Sam drew Gen out to the back patio, listened as he heard Jared moving in the kitchen. He wondered if tonight should be the night he broached the topic of the college pamphlets he’d been picking up, the courses in journalism he’d been investigating, researching for Jared. Wondered what the omega would think of him suggesting he finish the degree that had meant so much to him, that Mark had forced him to quit. He felt like Jared would be ready, would be confident, secure enough in himself now to try to tackle studies once more, to try once more for the education and career he had once longed for.

Jensen drew in a long breath.

It was amazing. Amazing what could happen in three years.

After all, in three years, after he and Jared’s relationship had ended, he’d fallen into a dark void of depression and alcohol addiction, ruined his police career and almost his entire life, and lost his father-figure. Jared had lost the college degree he'd tried so hard for, fallen into the trap of an abusive relationship, had his self-confidence shattered almost beyond repair.

And now, in three years, since the fateful day Mark had attacked them, he’d lost someone dear to him, yes, but gained a mate, a daughter, a new job and new friends, with not a drop of alcohol passing his lips. And Jared - Jared had flourished, had become stronger, more confident, become the father, the omega, the person he was supposed to be.

It wasn’t to say that the past three years hadn’t been harrowing in their own way, dealing with the aftermath of Mark’s attack, the grief of losing Sam, dealing with the new baby, with finding their feet as mates, as parents, as people, _new people_ , freshly reformed from their experiences and still finding themselves.

But they’d come through, and they’d come through _together_ , stronger than they’d ever been, each filling in the gaps between the other’s jagged and broken pieces.

‘Hey,’ Jensen snapped from his thoughts to see Jared studying him, ‘you ok?’

Jensen smiled. ‘Yeah,’ he answered. ‘Yeah, I’m good.’

Then he walked towards his omega, took his hand and together the two walked out on the patio, joined their friend and their daughter.

_Good,_ Jensen thought, _was an understatement._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phhewwwwwwwwwwwww, it's finished - finally! I thought I'd add this little epilogue, just for a little bit of a fluffy, schmoopy, happy ending, so that everyone can be assured that the J's lived happily ever after :)  
> A big, huge, GIGANTIC thanks to everyone who kudos'd, commented and read - it means the world to me that people enjoy my writing. And thank you so much for your patience with the delays in writing this one.  
> I most definitely will be taking a break from multi-chaptered fics for a bit (because this one damn-near killed me) and try my hand at some nice, simple one-shots instead, so if you like my writing, there might be a few shorter stories on the horizon (including me trying my hand at Wincest possibly next).  
> Anyway! Thanks once again to everyone & much love to you all <3 xx


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